You Are Beautiful No Matter What They Say…
posted on September 7th, 2011 / by Kelli Jones / 28 CommentsMy heart was pounding so hard I thought it must be about to make my shirt shake. It was the moment I had dreamed about for so long, and yet I thought I might pass out, I was so nervous.
I was having an internal freak out saying, “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh” about four million times in my head. I started to wonder if he could hear me saying “Oh my gosh” it seemed so loud in my spinning brain. I was getting sweaty from the nerves and wondering if I should just make a mad dash and run to my dorm room, when all of a sudden–it happened.
He kissed me.
Suddenly, the moment I had been waiting for happened, and I went into some sort of frozen shock syndrome (self-diagnosed, of course). You know that feeling when it seems like time stands still but you keep talking, moving, functioning, etc? Well, that was the feeling I got, but let’s just say I didn’t keep talking, moving, functioning or etc-ing! I froze. Let me give you my definition of the word froze–mouth open with no movement. Yeah, that’s awkward. Then all of a sudden I snapped back into reality and started screaming, “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh”, but this time out loud! That was followed by a very rapid firing of words at this poor guy that included “let me tell you why that is the worst kiss you have ever had in your entire life!” And that is the short story of my first kiss. But let me explain …
I grew up in a very loving home with amazing Christian parents that did everything they could to make sure I knew I was loved. I was told I was beautiful and special my entire life. And I believed with all my heart that I was loved, special and beautiful … to them. I didn’t get a lot of attention in the boy department ummm, ever. Sure, guys would come talk to me–but only because they were asking for my sister’s phone number. Was this anyone’s fault? No. It’s just the way it was.
Looking back now, I realize how much rejection was building in my heart during my teenage and early college years. No matter how much love and acceptance I received from my family and friends, there was a part of me that believed it didn’t matter because it wasn’t validated by the opposite sex. In my mind, my parents had no option but to love and adore me because I was their daughter, after all. I spent my days of singleness developing a holier than thou attitude towards those who were promiscuous and struggling with remaining pure. I mean, how hard could it be? I seemed to have no problem saving myself, so why couldn’t everyone else?
I realize my story is different than most. I don’t have this wild past of drugs, alcohol and sex, and to many maybe I seem a bit boring. I’ll admit, I did live under a rock until I was in my 20′s, but I’m ok with that too. I didn’t even go on a real date until I was in college. Not by choice, but no one was asking and I sure as heck wasn’t going to be doing any asking! My husband is my first and only “real” boyfriend and the only man I’ve ever kissed. Yes, that first kiss story was about him, and let’s just say he must have liked me a lot because he was willing to give me kissing lessons. And what does that horrible story of my poor husband finding out what it feels like to kiss a statue about anyway? Well, I had to toss my pride aside and get you to read this somehow!
My point is, we all have different pasts, yet it’s interesting to me how we can all end up with the same wounds in our life. Many women struggle with rejection because they didn’t have a healthy relationship with their earthly father growing up and they look to relationships with men to fill that void. I was the opposite and had that healthy relationship with my dad, yet felt rejected by every other man on the face of the earth. I felt ugly, undesirable and unwanted because I had never heard any other man besides my dad tell me I was pretty.
Here’s what I’ve discovered, though: it doesn’t really matter what you’re doing in your “spare time”; the enemy is after ALL the King’s girls, and he knows exactly what lies to plant in our hearts. I believe he comes at us in different ways, but with the same lie of rejection–“you’re not pretty, you’re not worthy, you’re unwanted”–because he knows how dangerous we can be when we believe the TRUTH!
I always looked back on my single years as a time of rejection by the opposite sex (which is what the enemy wants me to believe); but I’ve come to realize and rejoice in the fact that it was not a time of rejection but a time of protection by the King of Kings. He knows our hearts and knows what we can and cannot handle. When I think back on how low my self-esteem was at that time, I realize just how dangerous it would have been for me to have attention from the opposite sex. If only I had spent that time thanking Him for His love for me and focusing my time and attention on things eternal. I think about how different my perspective and the condition of my heart would have been when I met my husband, and how much more I could have been concerned with His glory in those days when I had a lot of free time on my hands!
So what’s the point of all this? I’m starting to wonder myself! I believe I’m sharing this story for several people out there. The first would be the girl like me. Maybe your story looks nothing like mine except for the fact that you feel or have felt rejected. I’m not going to attempt to try and give you a “30 Seconds to Freedom from Rejection” lesson because well, I don’t have one! What I am suggesting is that you get alone with God and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you the root of your feelings and then lift those things back to Him in prayer. There is also an excellent resource for you by clicking on this link and listening to the class called “Freedom from Rejection” by Alan Smith. It will help you in ways I cannot in this short little article. I will add that as we cut the chains (the lies that we have believed about ourselves), we become free to fully be all that He has intended for us (no matter how long those chains have been wrapped around us)!
“The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon Me, because the LORD has anointed Me to preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; To proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD, and the day of vengeance of our God; To comfort all who mourn, to console those who mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; That they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified.” Isaiah 61:1-3 (NKJV)
The other person I believe this is for is the girl who is walking it alone (without a man, not without Jesus) in this season right now. My prayer for you is that your eyes would be opened, that you would see clearly what is Truth and what is a lie that you are believing about yourself. And that you would not just see it but that you would overcome the lies and walk in the Truth of who you really are … beautiful, loved, adored, and worthy.
“For your royal husband delights in your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord.” Psalm 45:11 (NLT)
It is my prayer that as you walk in the Truth that God would use you in ways He can only do when His girls know who they are in Him.
Finally, for you mothers of daughters out there this is for you, too! We cannot raise our daughters to know who they are in Christ until we deal with our own junk. If you’re carrying around a suitcase full of hurts, take it to the throne, leave it there and get ready for battle. The enemy is after our girls’ hearts and it’s our job to be on the front lines of prayer battling for them. Yes, we should encourage them, praise them and let them know how much they are loved, but our knees should be sore from the hours we pour out in prayer for them. Our words to our daughters are very powerful, but without prayer we are doing them such a great disservice. When we pray, the Holy Spirit intercedes on our behalf and lifts before the Father our daughter’s deepest needs that we might not even know.
“And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words.”
Romans 8:26 (NLT)
It’s so exciting to me to think of all that He can accomplish through His girls whose hearts are filled with the truth and are undergirded in prayer by their parents.
Lord, we all come with different stories, yet you tell us all the same thing. We are loved, wanted, beautiful, adored, and worthy because of You. Lord, plant the Truth in the hearts of everyone that reads this, and in Jesus’ name we reject any lies we have believed about ourselves that say we are not who You say we are. Lord, raise up world changers and life changers through your Girls that know who they are in You! Thank you Jesus. Amen.
“The King’s daughter is all glorious within; Her clothing is interwoven with gold.” Psalm 45:13 (NIV)
This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear today! I even read that verse in Isaiah this morning in my quiet time! Our stories are very similar, as I'm in college, I've never been kissed and only been on a couple dates!
Thank you for the encouragement!
So beautiful…so you! Funny, touching, compelling, inspiring and honoring to the ONE who makes all the difference in us all. Thanks for sharing!
Kelli,
So wonderful! I love that your husband gave you lessons! What a glorious privilege to learn with the one who God destined you to learn with! I love how God has shown you your true identity in HIM. Thank you for the encouragement to war for our children. Even boys need their Mommies knees to get worn out for them! You are such an Eowyn!
Kelli,
Wow! Thank you for glorifying our Savior as you were transparent from your heart on when you believe His promises how you and all of us can receive true freedom and joy!! Thank you for the encouragement to pray diligently for our children. I also truly learned how kiss from my husband!
Kelli,
Beautiful article my dear!! No matter what kind of past you come from, you can still deal with rejection from some lie that you have believed for so long. I know I have carried some baggage for a while. Life is so much lighter the moment I gave it all to Jesus and allowed Him to tell me my identity.
Thank you for shining the light on this subject. It is so greatly needed!!
Love you….my beautiful Kelli girl!!
~Maree
looove! so glad you are raising daughters, and be-friending girls, and talking to moms, and just plain being a girl-because you make it real and normal and funny and healing. love you~m
aahhh, this was so good! i read it 2x…..
Here’s what I’ve discovered, though: it doesn’t really matter what you’re doing in your “spare time”; the enemy is after ALL the King’s girls, and he knows exactly what lies to plant in our hearts. I believe he comes at us in different ways, but with the same lie of rejection–“you’re not pretty, you’re not worthy, you’re unwanted”–because he knows how dangerous we can be when we believe the TRUTH!
so true and so good for me to read/hear today! Love you much! Beth
Kelli Kidd Jones…by the way my last name IS Kidd! Ive not had a boyfriend since I was 18 years old. I had one guy, a coach, I dated off and on for several years but we were never consistent and he suddenly married the next girl he dated although he said he "adored" ME. I decided she was prettier and had more to offer, especially in terms fo intimacy. I am 32 years old and I am still waiting for the right time and place for intimacy. I've always felt rejected by the opposite sex because every encounter seemed to be ended by the man when I was just getting interested in exploring it more. I decided there is something wrong with me. I thought I am not marriage material for some reason or maybe because I do not get intimate enough I am ruining my chances? I have no lack of compliments on my beauty and there have been many "suitors" who have tried to initiate an evening alone with me but I have stood my ground. Unfortunately it is a very lonely ground for a girl who longs to be married and especially one who longs for children. This devotional piece just really made me feel like I am not alone!
Spot on, Kelli! Love how you tied together the progression of freedom from rejection to freedom in loneliness to receiving God's provision to contending for freedom in our sisters and daughters. I liked the part about our knees being sore from praying for our girls. Thanks for being transparent with your story.
I love your writing Kelli! You were and always have been beautiful inside and out, but I love the way you wrote and I love your honesty. You will probably never know how many hearts are touched by your honesty, but even if it's just one girl that reads this and it changes their perspective then that is more than enough! What a wise Mommy you are. Love ya!
I loved reading this. Even with my husband, father, and brother telling me that I am beautiful, I still feel ugly at times! I needed to read this article and actually HEAR the truth in it. Thank you Kelli. You, again, have helped me with your words… More than you know!
Thanks for sharing, I too share a similar past. Great perspective, great scriptures. I have 2 girls, may our praying knees never get lazy.
I love that verse! I love how God unites hearts over the internet! Know you are not alone and keep walking boldly in the Truth!
Thank you Bethani! Your encouragement always means so much to me! Love you!
I agree about those boys!!
I think I better just stay flat out on the ground in constant prayer for all the kids I have! Only kidding. Thank you for your sweet words! So glad God brought you into my life!
Thank you Kirsten for your encouragement! You are a precious person and I'm really enjoying getting to know you!
Seriously, I'm not sure why we or anyone ever feels the need to carry our luggage when God made luggage carts!
I love you and appreciate your encouragement so much!
Thank you Marsia! You are a blessing to my heart!
Thank you Beth for your sweet words! You are a treasured friend and encourager!
Thank you Amy for your honest feedback and vulnerability. I'm so glad you were encouraged as I felt like one of the main reasons God had me write about this was for those like you and many others out there who do feel alone. Praying for you and love your commitment to purity. God will bless you for waiting on Him and His perfect timing.
Thank you Pam! I always love your feedback!
Oh Linda! Thank you for taking the time to read my article and for your sweet words! They mean so much to me! Love you!
Thank you Melissa for your honesty and encouragement. You are a precious GEM in His eyes and mine!
Thank you Heather for your kind words. And I love that… may our praying knees NEVER get lazy! Yes and Amen!
Kelli Kidd Jones…by the way my last name IS Kidd! Ive not had a boyfriend since I was 18 years old. I had one guy, a coach, I dated off and on for several years but we were never consistent and he suddenly married the next girl he dated although he said he "adored" ME. I decided she was prettier and had more to offer, especially in terms fo intimacy. I am 32 years old and I am still waiting for the right time and place for intimacy. I've always felt rejected by the opposite sex because every encounter seemed to be ended by the man when I was just getting interested in exploring it more. I decided there is something wrong with me. I thought I am not marriage material for some reason or maybe because I do not get intimate enough I am ruining my chances? I have no lack of compliments on my beauty and there have been many "suitors" who have tried to initiate an evening alone with me but I have stood my ground. Unfortunately it is a very lonely ground for a girl who longs to be married and especially one who longs for children. This devotional piece just really made me feel like I am not alone!
+1
Thanks, Kelli! I don't know if there's one girl out there who hasn't struggled with rejection and insecurity at some point in her life. If only I had run to Jesus in my early years, too…would've saved some major pain! Love your post…as always!!
Loved this Kelli! I love it because it was fun and so original. I have not heard this story told so well and from a redeemed perspective. Many young ladies I have talked to struggle with the feelings you described, but you offer truth and healing.
xoxo
Thank you for sharing this, Kelli. Your words are very inspiring. And I know God is working through you to touch those who need healing and encouragement. The world would be an amazing spiritual place if we do believe the Truth. The truth will set us free.