Aaron writes:

I remember the first time I saw Dana … wow…  let me pause for second because the thought of it still makes me dumbfounded. I was a young Bible college student looking for a job. I went into an Italian restaurant and there she was, not only a waitress at the place I was applying, but also she went to the same college. It was a moment that I will never forget. It was like we had known each other for years. I was so attracted to her, but also, so comfortable with her. We were instant best friends! That is the kind of girl my wife is. She is so open, honest, and friendly that you cannot help but become friends with her very quickly. I knew right away that I wanted to marry her. Now don’t get me wrong, we had our struggles, but we were friends, and by God’s grace I got to marry the most beautiful, loving, and loyal friend I have ever had. Still, 14 years later, I look at her and wonder how I got such a blessing. The other day a girl at work said to me, with a confused look on her face, “How did you land Dana?” I could have got easily offended if I did not already know that there is no way I should get to be married to her. My only answer is and always will be … “God’s grace!”

Dana Writes:

I have the same memory of our first meeting! It was so fun! It wasn’t just meeting a guy, it was meeting someone that I wanted to spend so much time with and get to know every detail about! My moment of knowing that this was the man I wanted to marry, the man that would lead me and love me the way Christ loves the church, was shortly thereafter. We were at the end of what seemed like a very typical date. Aaron was walking me to my dorm when he stopped me and got very serious. There was a spiritual issue in my life that he had noticed was not in order. He pointed it out to me in a very concerned but confident way. I wish I could say I responded in love and appreciation, however it was nothing like that! I got so mad, I yelled and stormed off slamming the door behind me! As soon as I got inside my apartment I sat on the couch and realized this was the man that I needed to be with forever! No boy that I had ever dated cared at all about my walk with the Lord. In that moment, I realized Aaron cared more about where I was spiritually then where our relationship was going if he confronted me. He loved me more than he loved our relationship! He blew my mind that day!! I was safe and protected and I knew that I would continue to have that if I got to marry him. As much as he says he knows he shouldn’t have gotten to marry me, I am blown away that he asked me to marry him!

We Write:

We have discussed long and hard, and brainstormed for a long time, to figure out what we have to say since we were asked to write this article. To be honest we probably do not have much to say except, “We are evidences of God’s grace.”

For all of our married life, we have been in the ministry and spent much time working with couples in pre-marriage, mid-marriage, divorce, and post-marriage. We have seen the worst of the worst. The one thing we have learned over the last 12 years is when we get our eyes off Jesus, marriages fall apart really quickly. There are a few reasons why that we would like to share with you:

(1) In our culture, marriage is worshipped and not looked at as a way to worship Jesus, which in itself is idolatry. Many young people spend most of their time dreaming of being married, and even worship Jesus so that He will give them a “good” spouse. So many single adults do not feel complete until they are married. Marriage has become an acceptable idol in the church. Many married couples look to their marriage to give them identity, worth, protection, joy, hope, and fulfillment. All of the things we are supposed to receive from that which we worship the most, the place God is supposed to be, and the only place He will sit in our lives. Marriage is a good thing, but once it becomes a god, then we are in an extremely dangerous place. We do not want to harp on this to much but ask yourself this … “Do I worship marriage or do I worship God with my marriage?” Make sure that Jesus is the object of your worship.

(2) Marriage is to reflect the glory of God and not your love. We have been asked many times, and I have heard other people be asked, “why is your marriage so amazing?” Now we all know our marriages are not as amazing as they look, but it is so foolish and arrogant to take that question and praise ourselves, our chemistry, our endurance, or our strength, instead of pointing to the One who began the work and will be faithful to complete it. The power of the Gospel is: if God begins something He will sustain it and complete it. Jesus has given us His spirit, and anything that comes out of our marriage that is good is only a reflection of God’s spirit producing good fruit in us.

(3) Many times spouses are looking to each other as motivation and example for the kind of spouse they are to be. So, you have a husband who is not going to love because his wife will not submit, instead of looking to Jesus who loved His bride so much that He saw her dirty, and came and washed her, clothed her, and presented her to Himself. Jesus did not love the church because she was submissive, but because He is good and loving. Then you have a wife who will not submit because her husband will not love or lead. If she looked at Jesus who was equal with God, who is God, and who humbled Himself and submitted Himself to His father all the way to the point of death she would see what it means to submit. In marriage we need to stop looking at each other or we will find every reason to accuse and, in doing so, take the side of our enemy who is the “accuser of the brethren”. Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus. He will lead you and give you the strength, endurance, and grace to be who you should be in your marriage.

(4) It is so interesting that the number one reason for divorce in our country is sex. Sex has become a tool that is used to manipulate to get our own personal agenda! When marriage is hinged on how good the sex-life is, it’s in the wrong place in the marriage. It’s in the wrong place because sex is not designed to produce love. It’s designed to remember the love that is already existing there. When a spouse feels that they have to perform to keep love or prove love, it becomes very damaging. When a spouse knows they are loved, and uses sex to express that love, then it is very purposeful.

We have, through God’s overwhelming grace, the opportunity to be a reflection of Him. In a book we are reading right now called “You Can Change” by Tim Chester, he writes it this way:

• “We were made to be in God’s image on earth, to know Him, to share His rule over the world, to reflect His glory. The idea is probably that of a statue of a god that represents the authority and glory of that god. But we’re not to make images of the living God precisely because we are His image. We’re God’s representatives on earth. We’re God’s glory, displaying His likeness. After each day of creation God declared what He had made to be “good”. But on the 6th day God’s verdict on a world that now included humanity was “very good”. God’s work wasn’t finished until there was something in the world to reflect His glory in the world. We often excuse our actions by saying, “I’m only human.” There’s nothing “only” about being human: we are truly human as we reflect God’s glory.”

As a couple, our desire is that our marriage reflects God’s glory. Marriage was not created by God for just our enjoyment, but for His Glory. Creation is not meant to be worshipped, but to worship it’s creator. God created marriage and is the only one deserving worship.

Ephesians 5: 31-33 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

The mysterious and profound part of marriage is that it has more to do with Christ and the church than it does about being married. So if there is anything we would challenge you with it’s this: keep your eyes fixed on Jesus … He is the author, sustainer, and finisher of your marriage. Worship God with your marriage!

Aaron Dailey is the director of communication for the Crisis Pregnancy Centers of Greater Phoenix and the Director of Pure Path.  He presently is the lead pastor at Life Connection Church in Phoenix, AZ.  Both Aaron and his wife Dana graduated with a Bachelors of Arts in theology from Vision International University.  Before every job they do and leadership position they may carry, their most important and rewarding responsibility is parenting their 4 children. Kyros who is 8, Ezra 6, Hadessah 3, and Selah who is almost 2.  After almost 12 years of marriage they are still each others best friend and love doing this life together through God’s grace.

You can read more about Pure Path at: http://purepathonline.com

Or visit the Life Connection Church website at:  http://www.lifeconnectionchurch.net

Aaron Dailey