What is it anyway that makes a woman blush and melt at the word Beautiful? And what about the word Wild makes a man want to run into an open field and beat his chest? These are fun questions for God. I have found he loves talking about His creation and the many mysteries hidden in creation that are constantly displaying and testifying to who He is.
There is an innate quality that God created in the hearts of women and of men, too. I remember asking the Lord what was on His heart when He created “the woman.” I also remember the sweetness of His whisper when He said, “Beauty,” because it resonated so deeply to the core of who I am. Its truth stilled me and had me in awe of the God who created beautiful to be my operating system, the paradigm in which I see and express life. I wrote more about the revelations that came from that God conversation a while ago on Destiny in Bloom in the article, Defender of All Things Beautiful. Recently my heart was awakened to a new revelation about the man God created for me through the following scripture.
Song Of Solomon 1:12-13 (The Message)
When my King-Lover lay down beside me, my fragrance filled the room.
His head resting between my breasts— the head of my lover was a sachet of sweet myrrh.
My beloved is a bouquet of wildflowers picked just for me from the fields of Engedi.
Oh, my dear friend! You’re so beautiful!
And your eyes so beautiful—like doves!”
When reading this scripture the Lord hovered over the words …
“My beloved is a bouquet of wildflowers picked just for me …”
My husband is a bouquet of wildflowers … “wild” just stood out on the page jumping up and down calling out saying, “look at me … look at me … seeee meee!” And then I saw and heard my husband saying, “See me.”
It’s the first time I saw it, like my heart really saw it. And I know there was a popular book that came out a few years back, and my husband even read it called Wild at Heart, no wonder it was so popular, it affirmed the innate operating system God created in man.
God created in a man a distinct uninhibited desire to take dominion and to be protectors and conquerors, to which a woman would get the “huh” look on her face. You see women, just because man’s Wild is different from our Beautiful, it’s not wrong! And vice versa men, because a woman’s Beautiful is different from your Wild doesn’t make it wrong! It’s a God designed difference. It’s good to know if you’re married or not married, it’s been especially eye opening being a mom of four sons. I have to intentionally embrace my sons’ Wild and teach them to respect and learn to love Beautiful. One day they will be married to their Beautiful longer than they lived in our home under our stewardship. They are really never ours … are they? Ultimately my sons are His (God’s) children passing through our hands into the destiny He has called them too. For my little men, someday their destiny will encompass being the wild bouquet in the hands of their Beautiful.
Which leads me to the second part of the scripture that was speaking to me,
“My beloved is a bouquet of wildflowers picked just for me …”
Picked. Just. For. Me.
Hmm, makes me think of my favorite part about a bouquet of wild flowers … all the flowers are not the same. The Lord was speaking to my heart that my husband was a bouquet of memories and life experience (positive and negative) picked and arranged just for me. We are humans, we live in a fallen world, life rubs up against us, and we get some hurts along the way. The husband that was picked for me wasn’t perfect, but he was meant to be mine. In the same way I’m not perfect, but I’m his. God knew we are better together than apart. I want to be a wife who embraces every part of my wild bouquet. My bouquet will never look like somebody else’s, so I have no need to compare. I simply need to ask God about how he made my spouse and how to embrace the God given expression of wild in him. The expression of Wild looks different on every man but no less it is the innate quality God gave them. So we can be inspired, encouraged, and even challenged by others, while not holding our bouquet next to theirs and believing the lie that one is better than the other.
So, about those flowers that represent life experiences positive and negative, it’s easy to embrace the good stuff. But how does our beautiful deal with the not so good stuff? You know, the stuff that happened before our beautiful met their wild and some stuff that happens during? Weighty questions … eh?
It has been the devil’s plan to mess with a woman’s beautiful and a man’s wild since we were born. Things happen to us growing up, and there are influences from the world that cause a woman’s beautiful to become distorted. In the same way there is a plan to mess with the innate wild in a man. The enemy wants to use these hurts to steal our identity and blur the clarity of our sonship … that we would not know who we are or whose we are. We have the opportunity in marriage to draw out of our mate, through unconditional love, who they where created to be by partnering with God and agreeing with God’s design for them. It takes embracing what is not familiar, choosing to know someone’s good and bad stuff and choosing them anyway … everyday. It’s the intimacy God created for marriage that is the wonder of wild meets beautiful.
I’ll tell you a story to paint the picture of what my heart is trying to express.
Before my husband and I were married, we dated for a year and a half and broke up for six months before getting back together and marrying six months later. Right after we broke up, let’s just lay it on the table, I was a royal heartbroken mess. I remember trying to pat dry my eyes walking into work one day, and my boss, seeing my puffy eyes and red nose, called me into his office. He said, “You look heart broken what happened?” I began to snot cry and pour out my hurting heart and he silenced me with, “Are you really ready to abandon yourself to unconditional love, a love that lays itself down to know the other person, accept them, walk with them through their hurts, and then let them into yours?” I just waited silently, I knew he was a man who could talk and it was just his transition.
He continued (of course), “Let me tell you a story …
Before I was married to my wife, I was in love with my high school sweetheart, she was a grade behind me. When graduation came and it was time for me to go to college, I made a promise to love her and come back for her. I wanted to marry her.
When I came back after the first year of college, things were different. Shortly after I returned, she broke our relationship off. I was crushed and heartbroken. I cried so much my throat bled. It took time, but I slowly was able to move on.
Years after I was married to my friend and wife, I ran into this old girlfriend while she was in town. We stopped and chatted. She told me how her life had gone and about her beautiful children. I told her about my life and family. God had been faithful to both of us.
That night I woke up from a dream about the past weeping. My wife leaned over and asked me what was wrong. I told her how it had brought me back to some pain, some feelings of rejection from the past, and what she did next taught me great lesson about love.
She reached over and held me. She cried with me, telling me how sorry she was that I went through that. She put herself aside to know me and to mourn my hurt with me and walk with me to a place of release. She demonstrated an unconditional unselfish love for me, and healing came by knowing I could share the truth of my heart with her.
Are you ready for that? Are you ready to lay yourself down? Are you ready to be known? Really loving someone is more than who and what they are to you. Love is who and what you are willing to be … to bring to the relationship in return.”
This story and these questions changed my paradigm of thinking. It has come back to me many times in my marriage to remind me and encourage me to bring my Beautiful to our relationship and embrace my wild bouquet knowing he was picked just for me. You see my heart longs to hear what we see the man say to the woman at the end of the scripture above from Song of Solomon,
“Oh, my dear friend! You’re so beautiful!”
When my husband begins opening his heart to me about growing up, about transition, about life and change, what I learned from this story reminds me to lay down me for a moment and bring my Beautiful to my husband’s side. I don’t have to try and fix anything I just need to be a friend of his heart and sometimes that means just saying, “I’m so sorry babe that happened. That really sucked! It hurts me you had to go through that.” Then being a listening ear while he processes it out loud in conversation. My husband has been a tender friend in return to me by bringing his Wild to my side. These exchanges, though they don’t happen everyday, are the deposits that make our relationship rich with the investment of love.
In life the truth is: Wild can be wounded and Beautiful gets hurt. It’s in these moments of sharing we have a choice to abandon ourselves to a selfless, unconditional love that mirrors the kind of love God shows us. He created the capacity to love like this in us. He created us with innate operating systems that when they come together are the expression in marriage of … Wild meets Beautiful.
A wife’s prayer:
Lord would you show how to embrace my husbands Wild … would you show me how his Wild was meant to complete my Beautiful. I know my husband’s heart is a chamber of many rooms, Lord I pray you would so empower my heart to walk through every door to really know him and be apart of encouraging the Wild you created in him regardless of my ability to always understand it. I want to know love the way you created it and meant it to be in marriage. Start in my heart first. In Jesus name. Amen.
A Husband’s Prayer:
Lord would you show me how to cultivate the Beautiful in my wife with the innate Wild you created in me. Lord would you teach me how to partner in restoring tenderly the Beautiful to her heart that the world would try to steal. Let me embrace and take in her Beauty as a blessing meant to access my heart. Start in my heart first. In Jesus name. Amen.