Destiny In Bloom

Widowhood isn’t a Dirty Word!

Widowhood isn’t a Dirty Word!

posted on August 11th, 2010 / by Patty Gammons / 34 Comments

Difficult and grueling, at times, has been the journey that I’ve encountered since I lost my dear husband Gene almost a year ago.  Talk about turning one’s world upside down, it was like taking all the life lessons and throwing them in a blender and pushing crush, puree and blend all at the same time. ALONE is defined as solo, apart, single, unaided, detached and solitary. All these words have hit home!

Having been fascinated with words for most of my adult life I wrestle now with descriptions of feelings that surface on an almost daily basis.  Widowhood is the one thought and word that reoccurs in my mind every day.  Instead of we there’s me, instead of two on the couch it’s just me with more stretch-out room, instead of dinner for two it is a stand up meal for one!  Everything that was a duet has diminished into a solo.

Like Batman’s “Joker,” a hero’s nemesis stalking around trying to ruin everything that portrays happiness, security, partnership and couple-ness, Satan seeks to devour me.  The existence I had is no more.  As if waiting for an “Aha” moment to present itself, I sit at the computer, as if magically the thoughts will transfer to the monitor, hopefully trying to convey to my family and friends just what being a widow means.

Lately that has changed, becoming as crystal clear as a glass of filtered water; crisp, clean and wonderfully delicious.  Realizing that in the “real world” yes, I am alone, but spiritually I’ve got an entire network of the Heavenly Host plus God Himself watching over my daily walk.

Yet I am not alone because the Father is with me.

John 16:32

He has been with me through this entire season, providing, hovering-oh-so-near, watching, waiting for me to recognize that He cares.  There arises in me that feeling that if I just take one brave step after another, He will indeed carry me as He listens to my praise and thanksgiving prayers.  I have been aware of the silence in my home since my husband passed away.  I talk back to my faithful canine companion, Mattie, I converse with myself (Ok, don’t call the men in the white coats just yet), debate with those on the television the pros and cons.  Then it hits me- talk to He who created you, He is always there and I regularly bend God’s ear.  “Hey God, it’s me, Patty!”

I’m always asking God questions but I have to “reprogram myself” to listen for that soft still voice.  He told me recently that I am a daughter of the King.  That meant so much to me.  My heart soars when I think of it!

Yes I am a widow, yes I’m solitary, needy and even scared sometimes to venture outside of my home.  Anxiety has had quite a hold on me but I realize this is just the enemy trying to discourage me from reinventing my purpose for living.

Be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God; and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Phil 4:6

The enemy doesn’t want me to succeed or be joyful; he tries to steal my blessings through negative thoughts as this is his best ploy.  So I say “Away with the enemy!”  Christ is my shield.

The Lord is my rock my fortress and my deliverer.

2 Samuel 22:3

Day by day I will conquer in the name of Christ.  He will sustain me now and for the rest of my life.  He will take care of me.  He is my Father and worthy of all my praise!  As time passes it is my desire that I may be able to reach out to other widows as they go down this path and together we can become mighty warriors in His royal kingdom as we have been called!

Patty Gammons

Patty Gammons

34 Responses to “Widowhood isn’t a Dirty Word!”

  1. Amen:-) He is also our husband, the Lord Almighty is His name and our Redeemer, God of all the earth. Isa 54:4b & 5

  2. Patty-I can relate to the blender effect! There has been a time or two in my life that it felt like that and wow amazing it is to see the beauty that God mixes it into. God is reinventing aspects of you life and He will win! You are a beautiful woman full of pose and grace. To see you walk into your purpose and who He says you are is pure delight! Excited for you and thank you so much for sharing your heart and speaking the truth about flying solo. Truth is you really are never alone and I know the Lord has great purpose for this season of your life. Walk in it girl….. you wear it beautifully!

  3. Mom, I am so proud of you! I know this past year has been extremely rough for you and it is so neat to read about God's faithfulness in your life. I know this will minister to many!! Love you!

  4. Patty, I lost my soul mate, best friend, fiance 6 months and 8 days ago (yes I still count the days). I have had a terrible week full of nightmares and pure sadness. This blog lifted me up in a time of need for me. Thank you so much!

  5. I loved this, Patty, and I love you, my beautiful friend! May God carry you in his loving arms!

  6. Patty, I know what a difficult year this has been for you as I have been through it with you. I am so very proud of you for writing this article and sharing with others who are going down the same road. I know Satan seeks to destroy but he is no match for our GOD who is in charge and control. I can see that God is with you and setting you back upon your feet. I know by continuing to seek and listen to God that we will guide your footsteps and show you who you are, a daughter of the KING!

  7. Great job Patty! We talked just last night at church about how there needs to be a specific ministry for widowed women. To help those women remember they are strong, confident Christ-loving women, in the midst of all the fear and sadness. I think you have done a great job and will be able to help alot of women through this! you are AMAZING!!!

  8. Thank you so much for the encouragement — He is our Everything! Blessings to you, Lauri!

  9. Julie — Thanks so much for all your kind words….this has definitely been challenging but I feel as if I've grown through it all — Blessings to you!

  10. My sweet Amy — you are my daughter, my mentor, my friend — God has blessed you so mightily in these years of challenge — I love you so much! Thank you for all you do!

  11. Rebecca — this is a hard walk — but God sees us through it — Thanks so very much for your wonderful words and may God keep you in His heart —

  12. Shawn how many years I've known you — thanks so much for your loving comments — Luv u 2!

  13. Lisa "Lu" — I do not know what I would've done without you this season or any other season for that matter — it is possible that through our lives we have but a handful of true friends, and I count you as that — my BFF, whatever the "trend" calls for these days — you are such a treasure to me and to my entire family — love you, sister and daughter of the King, as well!

  14. Thanks Jessica — it has been my vision while walking this road that I would be able to assist others who are on this journey — May God give us opportunities that bless others… your kind words and encouragement mean a great deal and thank you for being a good friend to my daughter, as well —

  15. Oh ms Sharon — we've walked the path together haven't we? — I remember very vividly being with you "that night" …and then a year or so later, it was your turn to "be with me" God has truly provided us with a long friendship my BFF — you are a wonderful treasure — thank you so much for your encouraging words — luv you! Your Patty o'

  16. Not sure if other reply came through my BFF Sharon — but suffice it to say — I love you and you are such an encouragement to me — I recall "that night" bye his bedside — and then you being at Gene's — we've walked a tough road but look how God has blessed us both! Ken seems like such a completely wonderful person and a great companion for you — God be with you together — I will treasure your friendship a lifetime! Love the reference to the OWLS —

  17. Patty, welcome to DIB. Thank you for your transparency. Your writing style is very encouraging. Thanks for sharing your story.

  18. Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement — this has been quite a journey, thus far —

  19. Patty (mom),
    I must say that it is very encouraging to read this. I appears that God is showing you that His plans for you are far from over. Hope, purpose and vision are 3 very powerful motivators and it looks like you have found all of them through this tough time.

  20. Thanks my BFF Sharon — You are such a treasure and friend to me — We've walked quite a road haven't we? Love u and thank you for your encouragement and your comments —

    Patty o'

  21. Patty…HUG. :) Thank you for reminding me that God is my truest, nearest, dearest companion.

  22. Thanks Coli — I do not know where I would be if not for He who created me — He has been my biggest comfort, along with friends and family — it has been amazing! thanks for commenting

  23. hey momma , this is a very nice article…as you well may know im not a religious or spiritual person, but on the other hand this article shows your love and passion for your lord and i totally respect that…im strugglin with the whole spirtual aspect in my life and i feel very strongly about not turning to christianity….but i love you soooo much momma and i am and will always be there for you………

  24. Thank you for sharing your heart in this article. It helps me to understand more of what my own mother must be experiencing as a widow. We lost my dad 4 years ago. My mom lives with our family now, but I see her being sad and lonely even though she has people all around her. I'm at a loss on how to help her at times, but I trust God knows and understands her needs. Patty, do you know of a group that is especially for widows? I think if my mom could fellowship with other ladies who find themselves in the same situation as she is in that it would be a great comfort to her. Thank you.

  25. Vici please feel free to email me at gammonsp@yahoo.com if you wish to have me converse with your mother — I feel that God is moving toward assisting other widows through this journey — Please know that I have a passion and vision that includes helping others through this walk —

    Patty

  26. This is so true! God will not let me rest on this — He wants my full speed ahead attention and who can ignore He who created us — thank u so much for your encouraging words and for being the greatest son-in-law I could ever have — it's been very exciting watching your growth in your own walk — God bless you as you move forward…

    Mom

  27. Brenner thank you for your kind words and for being honest enough to put yourself out there — I truly believe you will find out your destiny and will walk in love and peace — and as a caregiver your passion is a true gift — Keep it up — son, I love u so much!

    mamahhhhh

  28. Beautiful! Absolutely a beautiful post. I love your words "but spiritually I’ve got an entire network of the Heavenly Host plus God Himself watching over my daily walk." I am going to share this wonderful post with others. Thank you.

  29. Share away! If there are others out there that need to hear these words…Bring it on! God is not to be hidden away — He is worthy of all honor and praise (comfort, too) I loved your comments — thank you so much!

    Patty

  30. Patty,
    Beautifully written in every way! I love how God has captured your heart and you hide beneath His wings. Thank you for sharing your heart, it truly touched mine. I am reminded of the scripture I just read today,"Father to the fatherless,defender of widows-this is God whose dwelling is holy." Psalm 68:5
    You are a sweet daughter of the Most High!!
    ~Maree

  31. Thank you Maree for your words — and the scripture you quoted I will use regularly — it is right there at the heart of the matter — widows need to lean on God and He is their provider as He is for everyone — God's blessings to you!

    Patty

  32. I just lost my husband on July 10, 2010 … he was 33 years old. It was sudden. But I read your post & I wanted to share that we are the Bride of Christ. We may be widows here on earth but we are still Brides of Christ !!! I have put my focus into God this last week more than focusing on how life is different without my husband … My daughter & I are going to be just fine because God is in control.

  33. I am very sorry for your recent loss — sometimes grief is going to "rear" its ugly head — I have had good days and bad days — God has taken me through all of it — He has carried me and sustained me — God is constant — He is love, comfort, peace and mercy — to Him be the glory! In the bible it is said that there is a time to weep, time to mourn — so if it comes, AMEN and AMEN — so be it! God will not forsake us — He will not leave us — that is our Heavenly promise — Love and blessings to you during this time —

    Patty

  34. Patty,

    #1. Thank you for your courageous heart in submitting this piece … your husband would be proud of you … I just know it … like a smile from heaven.

    #2. I love seeing how mighty the Lord is to heal our hearts … give us more strength of spirit than we thought we had … you are an overcomer and it is inspiring! Thank you for bringing that inspiration to Destiny in Bloom!

    Keep writing your heart … God is in IT!!!!

    Great Love!
    ~Ris