When Good and Hard Hold Handsposted on August 29th, 2012 / by Melissa Aulds / 19 Comments
I didn’t want to write this article. How I feel about life is a little conflicting right now and I would much rather have waited until I had things all figured out and my emotions and life sorted into nice tidy little packages and tied up with a pink bow … You know? I thought about and even started a few different articles to write in place of this, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that although I would rather not be the one to write it, this does need to be written.
I guess it all comes down to this: Sometimes life can be very good and very very hard all at the same time. You don’t have to pretend it’s not hard to know that you are blessed. It’s ok. You are allowed to say it’s both. Sometimes Good and Hard hold hands.
I will tell you a little about my particular kind of ‘hard but good’, but please, don’t think I’m just talking to all the moms out there. This just happens to be my story right now.
I am tired. That bone-deep, exhausted, please-don’t-honk-your-horn-at-me-or-I-will-cry kind of tired and I don’t see an end in sight right now. The reason I am so tired is a good one: I just had my fourth (or sixth, depending on how I count) baby and it’s been two solid years of either being pregnant or nursing or having a newborn. My body is tired, my emotions are worn to a shred and my brain is not working as efficiently as I would hope (or as those around me might hope!). My kids’ ages are 11,7, 14 months and 2 months. See those last two numbers? I don’t know if you noticed, but those two are a LOT closer together than the first three and I am desperately trying to figure out how to manage life in this stage.
Yet I still feel more blessed than I ever have in my life. My marriage is awesome. My husband and I are more in love than we ever have been and our relationship is in better condition than ever. I have four gorgeous healthy children here and two beautiful babies in heaven waiting for me. I have a beautiful amazing home that we all fit nicely in and I am happy to have people over to. I no longer have a couch with an evil laughing stain on it. (Don’t ask.) I get to stay home and care for my family. I also get to serve as a Director for Destiny in Bloom, which means I get to spend a lot of time doing something that I love, am passionate about and makes me feel fulfilled.
My Life is AMAZING … and so, so hard.
Maybe your brand of ‘good but hard’ is because you’re in school studying for a profession you are completely stoked about, but it’s still a really tough season of life right now. Maybe you’re starting a business and you are thiiiiis close to seeing it all come together but it isn’t there yet. You know you’re so close to turning the corner but you’re still in that limbo place. Maybe your finances are really tight. You know that you are learning a lot about yourself and about God and His faithfulness, but that doesn’t make this easy. You see other people having their moments of breakthrough all around you and you know you’re blessed but sometimes you still want to raise your hands to the sky and beg to know when your breakthrough is coming. Because you are sick to death of going to lunch with your girlfriends after Bible study and ordering iced tea instead of food. It’s not that it’s the end of the world, but it is hard when it feels like it will be that way forever.
So here is the place where I would normally tie this all together with some sort of conclusion or happy ending or end lesson for those that this applies to. Hopefully throw in some been-there-done-that encouragement too. But I really didn’t want to wait until I get to my end to speak about what God is showing me here in my middle. And that is simply that He is here with me. In my middle. He’s not waiting for me at the end of this road. It is ok that this is hard. It’s ok to say (or scream, unless your babies are napping and then I don’t suggest it) out loud: “This is really freaking hard!” Admitting that doesn’t mean you are not thankful, it means that you are being real with Him and He likes that.
He is with you. Even if Good and Hard aren’t just holding hands but it feels more like they have a death grip on you! So I’m going to share the prayer of my heart with you, it’s not a super pretty prayer but it’s an honest one. Pray with me if it’s the prayer of your heart or send up an honest prayer of your own …
“Lord, help me today. This is really really tough and I need you. Bad. I need to know that you are with me. Thank you for your blessings, there are so many. Help me to keep my heart right before you and to show love to the people around me even when I would rather smack them all. Fill me up with You so that when I get squeezed and smushed and bumped around all that splashes out of me is You. Help me in the moments when I forget how blessed I am and only see how hard life is, remind me of Your faithfulness so I can keep it all together. Thank You so much for being so freaking awesome. You are amazing and I love You with all my heart. Help me to remember that!”