I didn’t want to write this article. How I feel about life is a little conflicting right now and I would much rather have waited until I had things all figured out and my emotions and life sorted into nice tidy little packages and tied up with a pink bow … You know? I thought about and even started a few different articles to write in place of this, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that although I would rather not be the one to write it, this does need to be written.
I guess it all comes down to this: Sometimes life can be very good and very very hard all at the same time. You don’t have to pretend it’s not hard to know that you are blessed. It’s ok. You are allowed to say it’s both. Sometimes Good and Hard hold hands.
I will tell you a little about my particular kind of ‘hard but good’, but please, don’t think I’m just talking to all the moms out there. This just happens to be my story right now.
I am tired. That bone-deep, exhausted, please-don’t-honk-your-horn-at-me-or-I-will-cry kind of tired and I don’t see an end in sight right now. The reason I am so tired is a good one: I just had my fourth (or sixth, depending on how I count) baby and it’s been two solid years of either being pregnant or nursing or having a newborn. My body is tired, my emotions are worn to a shred and my brain is not working as efficiently as I would hope (or as those around me might hope!). My kids’ ages are 11,7, 14 months and 2 months. See those last two numbers? I don’t know if you noticed, but those two are a LOT closer together than the first three and I am desperately trying to figure out how to manage life in this stage.
Yet I still feel more blessed than I ever have in my life. My marriage is awesome. My husband and I are more in love than we ever have been and our relationship is in better condition than ever. I have four gorgeous healthy children here and two beautiful babies in heaven waiting for me. I have a beautiful amazing home that we all fit nicely in and I am happy to have people over to. I no longer have a couch with an evil laughing stain on it. (Don’t ask.) I get to stay home and care for my family. I also get to serve as a Director for Destiny in Bloom, which means I get to spend a lot of time doing something that I love, am passionate about and makes me feel fulfilled.
My Life is AMAZING … and so, so hard.
Maybe your brand of ‘good but hard’ is because you’re in school studying for a profession you are completely stoked about, but it’s still a really tough season of life right now. Maybe you’re starting a business and you are thiiiiis close to seeing it all come together but it isn’t there yet. You know you’re so close to turning the corner but you’re still in that limbo place. Maybe your finances are really tight. You know that you are learning a lot about yourself and about God and His faithfulness, but that doesn’t make this easy. You see other people having their moments of breakthrough all around you and you know you’re blessed but sometimes you still want to raise your hands to the sky and beg to know when your breakthrough is coming. Because you are sick to death of going to lunch with your girlfriends after Bible study and ordering iced tea instead of food. It’s not that it’s the end of the world, but it is hard when it feels like it will be that way forever.
So here is the place where I would normally tie this all together with some sort of conclusion or happy ending or end lesson for those that this applies to. Hopefully throw in some been-there-done-that encouragement too. But I really didn’t want to wait until I get to my end to speak about what God is showing me here in my middle. And that is simply that He is here with me. In my middle. He’s not waiting for me at the end of this road. It is ok that this is hard. It’s ok to say (or scream, unless your babies are napping and then I don’t suggest it) out loud: “This is really freaking hard!” Admitting that doesn’t mean you are not thankful, it means that you are being real with Him and He likes that.
He is with you. Even if Good and Hard aren’t just holding hands but it feels more like they have a death grip on you! So I’m going to share the prayer of my heart with you, it’s not a super pretty prayer but it’s an honest one. Pray with me if it’s the prayer of your heart or send up an honest prayer of your own …
“Lord, help me today. This is really really tough and I need you. Bad. I need to know that you are with me. Thank you for your blessings, there are so many. Help me to keep my heart right before you and to show love to the people around me even when I would rather smack them all. Fill me up with You so that when I get squeezed and smushed and bumped around all that splashes out of me is You. Help me in the moments when I forget how blessed I am and only see how hard life is, remind me of Your faithfulness so I can keep it all together. Thank You so much for being so freaking awesome. You are amazing and I love You with all my heart. Help me to remember that!”
I love your raw honesty and realness … it's my favorite thing about you! (And your passion for things you believe in!
) l am so glad you shared this because in some way, big or small, we've all been there, and it's such a great reminder to know God is right there with us … in the middle.
I'll be praying for you!
Thank you for this honest and real post. I can so relate to your comments. God is with us in all the details, and yes it is hard when we are in the middle or waiting for the the next steps of our lives, but He is there!
He is so completely there with us and that in itself brings such joy!
Love what you expressed here, love you!
Totally right there with ya girl!
Thank you for being open and validating my life and my situation as well.
Thank you Melissa for sharing your heart clothed in nakedness. It is a real encouragement. When we look on the exterior of women, we see their beauty….because we put on our make-up and jewelry and sassy clothes while the inside may be broken and we may truly be struggling just to crawl along the ground. I pray for you sweet girl (because you are younger than ME) that GOD in HIS abundance will bring you REST. Exhaustion is hard….GOOD but HARD.
Sweet sweet REST.
"very good, very hard" – keeps us completely dependent on our Source of Strength! And keeps us tucked up there – right under His protective wings! I appreciate this author's honesty and testimony!
Mel- Oh my gosh, I am feeling a squishy love for you right now. I just want to hug you and remind you that this is just right now it is not forever. Reading over your post reminded me of my story of early mama-hood when my littles were newborn, 23months, 23 months and Brayden had literally just turned 3. My world was being rocked, it was like "the perfect storm". I am so grateful and proud of you for your honesty during a time, that could have totally swallowed you whole, I only say that because it nearly did me. Your amazing ability to be raw and transparent in such a way that moves with grace astounds me. Melissa, you are an amazing mom. Your love for your babies is so super grande and precious. More importantly I love how you are so willing to put your love relationship with the Lord in front of it all and stand up to the struggles that are facing you right now. I just don't have the words to encompass what I am trying to say so at the risk of rambling I will just say this….I love you, and your heart to see other women step into their God given identity and right to bear arms against anything the devil would try to take from them. You are pretty amazing
P.S. I am here if you ever need a friend or reinforcements
Im so thankful you didnt wait till you were out if it to write this. I needed this encoragement today! Thank you!!!!!
This is good, good stuff! Thanks so much, and I'm right there with you. Can anyone say endurance?
Oh Melissa I am sitting here in tears as I read this! Thank you for listening to the Spirit and writing this, it was exactly what I needed today
Loved this read today. Can't wait to get to know you more. We must hang. Have I told you I nanny a 4 month old neighbor? She's smack in the middle of both of us. We can have playtime.
So good mel… I love it and I always need to read stuff like this!!! Thank you
I diddo all of the above comments!
I'm in a different kind of "hard but blessed" moment in my life so this was a perfect prayer for me.
I'm sorry I cant be there to help you right now, I wish I was there to hold you and lend a crying shoulder.
I know things are going to get easier, and this is going to be a huge accomplishment when you look back. The first few months are always the hardest, soon the babies will be on the same routine and you can have some time for yourself. Ill be praying for you! Love you!
Just this morning I writing to a friend and wanted to say, "its hard" but didn't as I wanted to be thankful, not complain. You have helped me say it and know it is OK. Thanks.
Wonderful article Melissa! So many of us understand exactly what you're going thru, or at least our own version of it! I've been known to secretly wish triplets upon my twins someday
But I know you've got this. Or better still, GOD has got this. I have altered my prayers recently. Instead the good ol', "Dear God, please let me have a good day, please let me be patient, please let me feel well, blah blah blah…", I have said, "Lord, only YOU can lead my day. It is not MY strength that makes it a good day or not, it comes from You alone. My patience is not the will of my own, but rather a gift that can only come from You. So I beg of You to intercept this day and lead me through YOUR strength." I love you Mel, thinking and praying for you!!
This was very encouraging! Thank you!
Love!! So timely too! Thank you for sharing your heart!
I always appreciate your honesty, Mel! You're so amazing and I'm so proud of you. Your life is crazy and I don't know how you do it … like, for real! I hope to be half the mom you're someday! Oh, and your prayer is amazeballs … felt like you were right next to me praying it out loud!
xoxo Princess
Blessings, Melissa, this is a relief~~I don't have to have it all together! And yes, you are doing something really, really hard. Rewarding, but hard. Grace to you!