I love stories. LOVE stories. At any given moment, you can find me huddled over a good story; books are my weakness. If I’m away from the bookstore or library for too long, I develop a twitch. Seriously. Ask my family. I can blow through a good story in record time, often forgoing sleep, food (less often), and social contact in favor of finding out WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.
I was sitting across the table with a new friend recently. Over our over-priced cups of coffee, she asked me a question.
“What’s your story?”
I had to think for a minute about the answer. I turned 39 this year (true confession time, I suppose), and while aging doesn’t really bother me, I did pause to take stock of the saga that has become my life. So when my friend asked me that question, I had to consider what to include, what to leave out, and the thought occurred to me that there’s quite a bit there. My story, although far from over, is rich and varied, painful and exciting.
I was born in White Plains, New York (I know – it explains a lot) in 1971, and grew up in a little town somewhere north of the City. I had a somewhat idyllic childhood – solid family, great neighborhood, reasonably decent schools, that sort of thing. Summer road trips, winter sledding, yada yada yada. Norman Rockwell would have been proud.
At the age of 13, I attended a Billy Graham Crusade with my parents at Giants Stadium in New Jersey. We’d attended church my entire life, but the thought had never really occurred to me that I needed a personal relationship with God in any way. That night, through ad nauseum choruses of “Just As I Am,” I felt something. I’m still not sure what it is – the only explanation I can come up with is the Holy Spirit was trying to talk to me. SO there I was, on the floor of Giants Stadium, snot and tears rolling down my face, and I prayed a prayer. Did the deed.
But I had slept through the sermon.
I honestly have no idea what Billy Graham said that night. Somehow, though, He managed to speak something to me, and at that moment a seed was planted.
So … WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?
Ha. Yeah, well, after that holy experience, I spent the next 8 or 9 years becoming a holy terror. Not long after Billy, I began experimenting with smoking, alcohol, boys … for some reason, something in me wasn’t right. The next few years were a blur of not-so-valiant attempts at dealing with this pain inside me I’d somehow acquired. In the middle of that time, I somehow found myself married, to a preacher, of all things. Ministry, kids – the whole package.
So … WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?
I didn’t know what I was doing. I found myself in this life of church, ministry, marriage, parenthood, surrounded by hurting people that I couldn’t help. I knew somehow there should be more than this, but I couldn’t get there by any means I tried.
I read my Bible. Fell asleep. Tried to pray. Fell asleep. I was even leading worship – boy, could I put on a good face. Did everything RIGHT, jumped through all the hoops, and yet there was absolutely no life in what I did.
I couldn’t figure it out!! I’d fixed all the bad behavior. I mean, I married a preacher, for pete’s sake. We were in the throes of planting an exciting, vibrant church. I was doing the right stuff, and not doing the wrong stuff.
And yet …
And yet I couldn’t find God! Prayer felt like hitting a brick wall. The Bible was dry – an obligation to check off on my list of “right stuff.” Sermons were excruciating. I couldn’t work up this hunger that everyone around me seemed to have, and it frustrated me. I thought there was something wrong with me – I was somehow broken.
Little did I know.
So … WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?
It just so happened that my husband was beginning to explore some aspects of the Kingdom, and had a book lying around. Like I said, if you want to reach me, tell me a story. Hand me a book.
So here’s this book. “Deliverance from Evil Spirits,” it’s called. Me being me, I pick it up and start reading. I can’t put it down. Suddenly, things are making sense!
See, during those years, I’d made some really stupid decisions that had unwittingly opened the door to the Enemy. What I didn’t know was that I was still bound up in the consequences of my sin. I had changed my behavior, but hadn’t addressed where that behavior had come from in the first place.
Coincidentally (or not – you know the drill), we happened to know some folks who knew just what to do. So off to see them, I went.
And … WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?
Well, what happened next is the turning point, the pivotal moment in my life. In the living room of one of the sweetest couples I’ve ever met, I met Jesus. Not some idea, not a philosophy, not a prayer – but a person. Yeah, we dealt with those other issues. No biggie. See, where Jesus is? Those other things can’t stay. They left, and HE came in.
It’s vivid in my mind even now. It was a cloudy, cold day in March, and just at the moment this sweet lady prayed according to Matthew 12:44 for me to be “filled,” the clouds literally parted, the sun shone, and I was filled with Jesus. I knew that I knew that I knew He was with me, speaking to me, telling me how much I was loved, cherished, freed. It was beautiful and amazing, and I cried like a baby.
So … WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?
I’d like to say it was all better from then on, and life was perfect. Actually, no, I wouldn’t like to say that. What I CAN say is that for the first time, I experienced a level of freedom in my life I’d never dreamed possible. For the first time, the Bible became food and life. Praying became a natural aspect of a relationship, not some box on my To-Do list. It was as if – get ready for the whole new analogy here – my eyes had been opened to a whole new reality. I could see.
Thus begins my journey toward freedom. I’m still on it – God regularly speaks to me and peels one more hurting, rotten layer off my heart. Recently I’ve stepped into a whole new aspect – helping others find freedom in Christ. I can honestly say I’ve never had more fun in my life than watching God reveal Himself to people, and in doing so, watch those people become who they truly are.
Now, I want to ask you …
What’s your story? The journey that you’re on is uniquely designed to take you where God wants you to go. Just like my story is quite obviously geared toward Freedom Ministry, God has taken you through times, places and events in order to bring you to the destiny He created you for. WHICH begs the question …
WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?
Nancy is a happily married, faintly frazzled homeschool mom of 3. She’s rarely seen outside the company of a cup of coffee and a good book, and will occasionally pull her nose out to cook dinner for the family. She’s recently discovered a passion for watching others find true freedom in Jesus, and in doing so, become all that they were created to be. Her favorite things are Alan, Lauren, Anna, Teddy, books, coffee, kids and friends. She’s blessed beyond measure, and having a blast following her Papa into her destiny.
You can read more by Nancy at her personal blog: http://nancysmithonline.wordpress.com
You are an amazing, inspiring woman! Thank you for being an open book!
Nancy, You're a jewel! Thanks for sharing your story. I'm glad I've known you for several chapters.
Nobody says it better than my Nancy!! If you don't know her, you should! She's the real deal:)
Nancy, I love you and I love what Daddy has done and is doing in your life! Thank you for sharing part of your story…love the part "my eyes had been opened to a whole new reality. I could see." I believe that this is happening for so many people today that grew up going through the motions and "trying" to be a "good" Christian! I am loving the new freedoms that I am discovering as well, and the new sights that God is showing me…I love seeing with HIS eyes! You are precious to me. I am blessed and my life is richer to have you as a friend!
I love the way you write Nancy an I love your story. Looking forward to learning more.
A peek into the life of Nancy!! Thank you for sharing your story I can't wait to hear "What happens next!!"
AWESOME story. Thanks so much for sharing. From a fellow story addict, it was honest, funny, well written, I laughed, I cried… all that jazz. Superlove this bit: "It was as if – get ready for the whole new analogy here – my eyes had been opened to a whole new reality. I could see." Pretty sure my story is geared toward freedom ministry as well. Thanks for making my morning coffee that much richer
Nancy, loved reading your story. So intrigued to learn that you are a bookworm since I am too. I look forward to getting to know you better.
This is a great post! I love your story. I love that I get to share it with you!!!
Nancy…what a great story! Thanks for sharing. I love your writing style…authentic, humorous and relatable.
AMAZING writing Nance!! I have always known since we were little girls together that you were/are an amazing person…this story opens up a side of you I knew existed but you never talked to me about and, though I have always loved you, this just makes me love you that much more!! What an inspiration you are!! You know I love to read as much as you do…so, lead on my courageous friend
Nancy,
I usually don't take the time to read online much, but when I saw you were the guest on DIB, I had to stop and take a look. I'm glad I did. I appreciate your candor and your truth. Being open and honest about where you have been and where God is taking you is a beautiful quality. Thank you for allowing us a peek into WHO you are, your heart, and your passion for helping others cross the bridge to Freedom. Be Blessed!
"I met Jesus. Not some idea, not a philosophy, not a prayer – but a person." That's good stuff right there. So much tender truth in that statement that so many people miss…they commit to a religion, an organization, a person, an idea, a philosophy or the action of prayer…and they miss the surpassing beauty of just Jesus and nothing more. Bless you as you continue to help others find freedom…praise God for your willingness to share "your story"….it's beautiful!
I'm so proud to be your friend! You amaze me with your love for Him and solid commitment to people. Nothing fake or wishy-washy about you. You are a blessing to me.
This was awesome! Thanks for sharing your story!
You and Alan two of the most interesting people at Gateway. Thanks for sharing your story!
Great post Nancy, thanks for being open and genuine!
Nancy, I love your story of freedom. Very grateful for how God has used your story to help free others. You are one of my favorite writers and I am so thrilled you were asked to share with us all! Thanks! ♥
Great job! I love it!
Nancy, I loved reading your story. I feel honored to that I have been given the chance to get to know you. You are an amazing person!
love this. love YOU!
Nancy-now I feel like I REALLY do know you!! What a great story! I am still in awe that you actually got to go to a Billy Graham Crusade and you are my age-give or take a year!!?!?!? I marvel at the fact that he is in our lifetime a great evangelist! Besides that, I love that who knows what happens next? we all make choices and decisions that form our life, and good or bad, God is faithfully waiting for us to acknowledge Him as our sole sources of Life! I love that I got to sit with you and actually see your heart revealed-you are an absolutely AMAZING woman of God, and I am honored to really now call you friend! love you! xoxoxo m
Thank you for sharing a portion of your story Nancy. I have been truly blessed to know you and you are inspiring to others.
I am at a point in my life where my story differs tremendously from the storyline two years ago. God has done such an amazing work in me and through me that life is more bountiful than I had ever imagined was possible. God has used you and your husband (and yes, even your children) to show me things in my own life.
I pray many blessings on you for the remainder of the year and that this coming year be a look forward as well as a reflection upon Gods grace and mercy.
Love. You AND your stinkin' story. Love!