Turning your Heartposted on November 19th, 2012 / by Tomi Jarrell / 11 Comments
My husband was weary. His day had been hard from sun up to sun down. He was feeling mentally pulled by the demands of an expanding business and emotionally drained by friends and family who were in a multitude of crisis situations. He had nothing left to give. When I saw the expression on his face, I knew. There was not going to be a ready answer, quick fix or easy solution this time. Then all of a sudden, it seemed like I was the bad guy and a storm between us began to brew.
As the tension mounted, I paused to determine what I had done to bring all of this to a head. But then I stopped mid-sentence, grabbed his hand and headed to the ‘mercy seat’ where we fell to our knees in prayer. I realized I wasn’t the problem, but I could be part of the solution!
Don’t misunderstand—our marriage is good. We are busy, but what parents of 6 children/business owners/teachers/leaders/friends aren’t? I’m discovering this really isn’t about the state of our marriage, but about the distractions that pull at my heart. An off-handed comment from my husband reminded me that what he needs is the focus of my heart. Darrell does not ask me to give up things I do or step away from what I love, but his distress reminds me that I have a greater calling to purposefully keep my heart turned toward him and our home.
Throughout the years, my position of prayer for him has waxed passionately, but has also waned to distractions that fill my head (to do’s or to be’s, children, ministry, finances, urgent needs, extended family, etc.), all capable of consuming my ‘prayer list’ and my heart. This mercy seat moment was my wake up call. It was time to turn my heart back to my husband and back to consistent, purposeful prayer for him.
As women, we are led by our hearts and emotions. We are passionate and sensitive. By design we were created to feel connected to others. We have hormones in our bodies that release to bring about heart connections so we can bond with our families and loved ones. We are intelligently and intentionally designed this way. I believe because we connect easily, we can unknowingly become distracted from the most important relationships in our lives and begin appealing to the masses.
Seeing a list of the things I do in a day would make us all need a nap! I am WAY busy; busy making connections, busy seeing to needs and busy praying about those needs. Busy is not bad until it turns our hearts away from those God has entrusted to us. So, what does it truly mean to turn my heart back to my husband and back to home?
I could paint a picture from Scripture of all the times God calls us to turn our hearts back to Him. Let’s just say God is after our hearts but it is up to us to turn them in His direction. (Check it out…biblegateway.com is a great place to start!) My husband wants my heart, but it is up to me to make sure it is pointed in his direction.
Here are a few suggestions to bring your heart around to your man:
- Pray! Pray for him and pray with him. Ask him what weighs on his heart and how he would like for you to pray. Listen to what he is talking about the most because his words reveal what is going on inside. Even if he doesn’t say much what he does say matters to him, so LISTEN!
- Meet a significant need. Your husband has a love language just like you do. Speak it! If you don’t know his love language, a great resource is Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages. Darrell’s love language is quality time, so it is important for me to be sure we have uninterrupted time together on a regular basis in order for him to feel our connection.
- Help him to have fun. Our husbands are busy with work, ministry, bills, parenting, and the daily demands of life. It is important for us to be sure they still have fun. Also, remember God created sexual intimacy to be fun. Enjoy the time of intimacy and be sure he knows you enjoy being with him.
- Help carry a burden. How can I help shoulder one burden for him during the day? I can’t do my husband’s work but I can be sure to plan out our evening meal or have his favorite snack on hand, run an errand or make a phone call. I can be sure the house is orderly when he gets home so the environment is peaceful and not chaotic. Sometimes this means I must say no to something in my day so I can make his needs a priority.
- Speak words of encouragement and love. No matter what love language your husband speaks, all men need honor and respect. A great way to honor him is to voice how grateful you are that he still chooses to lead, guide and direct you and your family. Remind him that he holds the key to your heart and you gladly choose him again each and every day.
Even beyond all the good advice, our one moment at the mercy seat did more than just calm the storm; it set our course for home!