Tug Of War
posted on January 29th, 2010 / by Blynda Lane / 37 CommentsI have vivid memories of going to church camp. Every summer my church would pack a bus load of youth for an 8 hour drive to a camp in Oklahoma. Some of my fondest memories of being a teenager come from these week long get-a-ways from reality as I knew it. Though the design of these camps was for spiritual awakening, anyone who knows me won’t be surprised to know that I loved going for the fun. In particular, I loved the afternoon competitions that would happen between youth groups. You name it … volleyball, softball, relay races and my personal favorite, tug of war. This game, tug of war, always had an ending of one team, the losing team, being slathered in mud as the losing team members couldn’t pull hard enough or hold tight enough to their rope not to be pulled past the point of no return. If you’ve ever played on the winning side you may remember the feeling of that final “heave-ho” your team gives that pulls the losing team into their final destination of a mud bath. The competitive nature in me always made sure I came out of this game clean and mud-free … (well, at least, that’s how I choose to remember it).
Recently I found myself playing a one-woman game of tug a war. As you can imagine, there was no way for me to come out of this without getting a little dirty! It wasn’t until I reached that point of no return, the part where I was loosening my grasp and loosing my footing that I became aware of this internal struggle going on inside of me. You see, this tug of war wasn’t between right and wrong, and it wasn’t even between good and evil. It was about my identity, purpose and calling versus my fears.
I can’t recall how many times in this tug of war I’ve had conversations with myself that would rival any court room. On one side I have sufficient evidence that pursuing personal passions and interests has to be on hold as I tend to my most precious calling, that of wife and mother. As a rebuttal, I have a great argument that says God didn’t forget about his calling on my life when He chose me to take that great mantle of wife and mom to my amazing husband and children. Nevertheless, this debate continues as I point out to myself the great selfishness I must have in me to dare pursue dreams buried deep in my heart at the assumed cost of my children’s security, attention, and destiny. I felt there was no right answer and every time this argument began, it ended with a “hung jury”. This was until I realized that the opponent on the other side of my tug of war was fear … fear of the unknown, fear of failure and fear of man.
God spoke truth to my heart when he told me that His perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18) and that it would be the revelation of His deep love for me that would bring me peace. Fear is debilitating. It causes us to not move, to be stagnant. Let’s face it, when it comes to fearing the unknown … it’s true, we don’t usually get the luxury of being told everything in our future.
But don’t fear, because we know who holds the future and His plan for us is great (Jeremiah 29:11). It’s true that many roads to success have some failures along the way, but we’re told that each suffering or hardship we encounter produces perseverance (James 5:3). And the people pleaser in me knows all too well how the fear of man can feel like I’m in chains and destroys my joyful soul, but His word says that trusting in Him will keep me safe (Proverbs 29:25). He truly loves me with an indescribable love.
I believe the enemy wants to make us think that we all have “cookie cutter” destinies. He tries to convince us that if we are really hearing from God, we would be doing what other strong believers are doing, making the same choices about our jobs, children, life groups, schools, etc. Let that thought never take root in your heart! God is a very creative God. There is no end to His thoughtfulness of you as an individual. Yes it’s true, we are all made for one single purpose … to be worshippers and lovers of Him and with that comes the same heavenly destiny … eternity! But the method God uses to accomplish His purpose in us on this earth is completely different from one another. Never take lightly when His word tells us “before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart” (Jeremiah 1:10). His divine plan for you goes beyond laundry, grocery shopping, or long hours at the office. I love that nothing is wasted with God. So be encouraged that you’re not sitting around waiting for your destiny to happen as you muddle through changing countless dirty diapers, reviewing endless lists of spelling words, or waking up at insane hours for your job’s early shift. It’s all part of the big picture with God and nothing is wasted. It may not feel like destiny is taking place, but it is. You won’t miss one plan or blessing He has for you when you walk with Him and rely on His Spirit to guide you. Nothing is wasted, nothing! As I think back on my personal tug of war, I am grateful for hope. I love in Psalm 119:116 where David writes, “uphold me according to thy word that I may live and let me not be ashamed of my hope.” I have hope in God and I am not ashamed of it! He’s my one and only hope! This hope will destroy my fears, fill me with courage, and will remind me that though I am flawed, I am loved.
I am a work in progress. This journey isn’t wrapped up in a nice little package with a bow on top that says my struggle is over. My tug of war match has not completely ended, but my grasp is tighter, my footing is deeper and I see the look of surrender in the eye of my opponent, fear. I’m ready to give the final “heave-ho” and I believe I see a mud bath in its future.
Blynda believes that inside every woman is unbelievable potential and gifting. She loves being a part of God-moments when women discover the greatness each one has inside of them. She is energetic, fun and has never met a stranger. A favorite day for her is one filled with great friends and family, great food (preferrably prepared by someone other than herself) and great laughs! Blynda appears on “The Blessed Life” television show and is seen weekly on Gateway TV. She has been married to the love of her life, Todd, for 14 years, who is an Associate Senior Pastor at Gateway Church. She and Todd have three wonderful children, Olivia (9), Harrison (6) and Evelyn (3)…all of whom find her “fly through the air” acrobats on their trampoline very entertaining!
Blynda, thank you for sharing your story of tug-of-war. I can so identify the internal conflict and the fear of failure. All the time God reminds me, in Me you cannot fail. He reminds me that when He looks at me, He doesn’t see failure. He only sees a gifted daughter ready to take launch if only she’ll trust her Dad. Isn’t it beautiful? So with that, may we all have courage to step out and trust our Father who loves us so much and gives us sufficient grace. ~Renee
Blynda,
Thank you for your words of widom. God has blessed you with the gift of writing! However, your gift of gab is always a crowd pleaser! Thank you for reminding me that God is a creative God. After reading Max Lucado’s book “Fearless,” it has opened my eyes to the limitations we put on ourselves. As he stated, ” What if fear was the Devil’s greatest hoax?” Thank you for reminding us all to give that extra “heave ho!”…see you in the mud pit!!!
Your number one fan,
Colleen
Blynda,
As I am reading this I am getting a visual of you playing tug of war and seeing the look of not ever giving up on your face!! God has put that same desire of “not giving up” in your heart and it is like a wild fire spreading to every one you come in contact with and I love it!!:) God is doing some pretty amazing things in His children right now and I love being apart of it.:)
This was beautifully written!! Thanks for sharing your heart.
Love you!!
~Maree
Blynda that was awesome! I know that pretty much everyone struggles with some sort of fear but realizing it is sometimes the hardest. Thanks for the amazing encouragement! Things like this remind me how great it is that God made me a woman! Thanks for the encouragement today.
Blynda,
Your struggle is so real in the life of every women in every part of life. We all war within ourselves to be all God called us to be and yet know He created a time and a season for everything. Thank you for sharing your resolve, that life as you know it is a part of His plan and His purpose in shaping you and life with Him is as much about the journey as the destination! Love you!
Loved it! It is so good to hear Gods truth!! I know Gods not finished with me yet!!!!!
B!
What a great gift of writing–I can see your face, splattered with a little bit of mud, pushing your hair behind your ear with one hand while your other hand holds with a firm grasp the rope, and you saying in a cheery but forceful voice, “you want a piece of me? It’s on”!! I love that inside of your calm and peaceful demeanor (chuckle chuckle) there is a God-given gift that refuses to give up the fight until you have received every part of the blessing God has set aside for you-you will not give up the wrestling until God has changed you and blessed you. I love that you want that for every friend you know. Thank you for being willing to share who you are–it’s an honor to call you my friend! love you~m
I think everyone of us has struggled in the “tug of war”. The bottom line is that you truly trust God and you KNOW that He is for you! You are His favorite. It will be fun to watch just how amazing this ends up.
Blessings girl,
Your 666th friend on Facebook.
PS See I overcame that….
Love Love Love this – reminds me of a book I read called something like “Bottles, Diapers, Pacifiers and other holy things” – you have hit the nail on the head – I think all of us struggle daily with this. Thank you so much for giving us a word picture of our Tug of War – - your Hope scripture/statement is amazing… thanks for that gift today! I needed it so desperately – thank you for sharing your heart!
Love your heart. Putting others before ourselves is a beautiful picture of Christ. It’s never easy to put a pause button on the dreams within our heart. You are a wonderful example to so many and you bring honor to God. Love you.
Blynda,
I love this. And I love how timely this is in my own life. I too seem to be in my own battle of tug-of-war with myself and found your words to be insightful and encouraging. Ever since I became a mom my #1 battle has been with myself and feeling like my decision to be a mom was making the decision to give up on my deepest desires and dreams for my life. I think I am only just now slowly beginning to see that while this decision was a part of God’s desire for my life right now it is not the only desire God has placed in my heart and in his perfect timing he will direct my path and help me walk out those plans he has set up for me even before I was born. But, I do have to trust him and give up my own personal fears, doubts and questions. Thank you for always walking so faithfully with the Lord and being the best role model and mentor a little sister could ever have. I consider myself the most blessed sister on the planet to have you help me on this journey of being a woman after God’s own heart. I love you dearly!
Becky
Thanks for this Blynda. I definitely feel the tug of war…b/w choosing a new career and going back to school and being a wife and mom of 3. Thanks for the encouragement and reminding me of the truth that God is with us every single day in every decision.
Babe, I’m so proud of you. I’ve watched this tug of war with yourself and I’ve often wondered who would win?
I’m proud of all that God has done and is doing through you in our family and in His kingdom. Thanks for being vulnerable to share that with the world! I couldn’t be blessed with a better wife or mother for our children. I love you.
Blynda, you’re precious. Thank you for sharing from your heart. You’re an amazing role model to young moms and to almost empty nesters that may think it’s too late to walk in their dreams:)
Blynda, tears are rolling down my face here at my office… thank you for your honesty. I needed to hear this today. God bless you…
I absolutely love what you said about “cookie cutter destiny” that is so powerful and prevalent. I love having the opportunity to be in your company and see what the Holy Spirit is bringing out in you. Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing such a vivid “war” story.
Blynda,
I LOVE this post. This is a struggle common to all women…especially in DFW. I have struggled so much thinking my life, walk with Christ, parenting (fill in the blank) should look like my neighbors’. Comparison…one of the many gateways to fear. I am thankful with you that freedom and peace found in Christ deepen my resistance to be tempted by comparison and taunted by fear.
Thank you for this today…
PERFECT>>>>>>
Thank you. FOr some sentences Im really thinking u are talkin to me, And i need to stop cleaning my fridge because im so curious whats the nxt word u will say.
Its a great blessings to be one of the reader of this website.Thank u all.
Keep on writing.
GOD bless
karen lape
Great blog Blynda! “nothing is wasted with God”. Love that! Destiny is happening now. Every day God is busy busy doing an amazing work in us and preparing us for all of our tomorrows now. Thanks for sharing it with us.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us! You are an amazing woman and wonderful writer. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this heartfelt entry. God is good and his goodness flows through you!
Miss you!
Liv
Oh my gosh. Blynda, this was great… so true and so applicable. It brought tears to my eyes. I struggle so much with the fears you mentioned. You are a great lady and an inspiration to me. Thanks for sharing. God bless you. Susana
Blynda,
This is so great! Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing what so many mothers have probably thought they were alone in. I don’t think we will ever regret prioritizing our families. That alone is one of the greatest things we can offer this world. The Lane family has always been such an inspiration to me and I know so many others. They have raised wonderful children, who are now raising wonderful children that all love, laugh and play together. Keep up that wonderful legacy and keep sharing your struggles….Lord knows we all have them.
Blynda,
You just keep surprising me with your many talents–this is very well written! I am enjoying getting to know you. I can definitely relate to the tug of war with fear. Though Jesus paid the price, and God makes a way, every one of us has to be willing to fight for our destiny. And sometimes it does get messy! I love it that you wrote from a place of honesty AND faith.
Dearest Blynda,
Just loved this blog – such an encourager, relator and truth teller. I see fearlessness in you! Such an overcoming attitude. You have an ability to walk this season like a fine line – moving in and out of ministry in your home and outside your home. Watch closely for what God will do in the days ahead. A surrendered but eager heart is a huge blessing to God. I believe in you…I love you! Jan
Once again you have accomplished something extraordinary. I’m still trying to grasp the fact that you baked over 100 loaves of bread. I’m sure so many will identify with the”tug of war” that exists in our spirit as we all try to love the Lord and serve Him as He has called us to do, yet face the daily tasks of this world. I can only go to the Word to encourage you as I celebrate you. Colossians 2:6-8 “You accepted Christ Jesus as Lord, so continue to live following him. You must depend on Christ only, drawing life and strength from Him. Just as you were taught the truth, continue to grow stronger in your understanding of it. And never stop giving thanks to God.”
Blynda,
One often gets tangled in liife just trying to be normal. Seaching for a destiny that they already possess thinking that it is somewhere in the future. I find great hope in the fact that you are living for God and your family now!! Just don’t think that you can do it alone – your strength is in Jesus and He has not given you a Spirit of fear but of power and of love. Romans 15:13 “Now may the God of hope give you peace and joy in believing that you may abound in hope through the Holy Spirit.”
Blynda, thanks for sharing of your ongoing “tug of war”. I can honestly say that God did not waste one day of my journey as He is continually preparing me for my destiny….even as a grandma, I am still heading toward it. The most mundane and repetitious tasks have had a purpose in His “equpping” process. Honestly most of us who are blessed to know you think you are really awesome. Just sayin”
Blynda, thank you so much for this blog! What a great encouagment to all of us wondering if our callings were pre-kids! Our calling is pre, during, and after! God has placed dreams in our heart so we can give Him glory with our unique giftings and callings. I love that “there are no cookie cutter destinys”.This was so encouraging, be blessed and Enjoy the Journey~ Celeste
Hey Blynda!
I really enjoyed reading your blog. Who knew you could write????? I appreciate the insights you provide and what you teach me. I am so grateful you are in my life! Love you girl!
Blynda,
Very good job! I’m proud of you. You know, every good tug of war team needs a good anchor — the big guy in the back with the rope tied around him. Our anchor always holds. Pull with Him and victory is sure. But of course you already know that; I see it in your life constantly.
Love ya!
I love how you share your journey with all of us! Thing is, you are already doing it all. You are a multi-talented person who is using what God gave you. You are a wonderful daughter and you live what you write! You are an inspiration and a tireless warrior for your family and God. Thank you for always looking for ways to encourage and invest. You are a blessing:)
Great Job Blynda. Such a great word of encouragment. Thank you for sharing your heart and for being such a great example of a mom and wife.
What an awesome article – you are so gifted with writing. You are a woman of many talents. I am inspired by all you do and are. I miss you guys – I’m needing a Lane family fix =). Love ya!!
Love what you wrote…..encouraged by your words. I, too deal with my own fears and learning about His perfect Love that casts them out!!
Thanks for reminding us how creative our God is and that our destinies should be original to us and not like each other!
Thank you,
Vicki Lawshe
Blynda,
I loved reading your article. You are a very good writer! I love your story and the way you articulated the struggles every woman deals with, no matter her age or stage in life. Keep writing. You have a lot to say and wisdom from above to share. I love you. You continue to amaze me and I am blessed to know you and to have you in my life.
You go, girl! Great job at conveying the struggle and the Answer! Love you!
My heart screams “YES!” at this post. You posted, most eloquently, how my heart has been feeling.
Thanks so much