Do you remember The Jetsons? I used to watch it on Saturday mornings growing up (I can still sing the intro song) and there is one scene that has stuck with me. Jane, the mother, was still sleeping when she receives a call from her friend Gloria one morning. This presents a particular problem since calls in 2062 are audio AND video! Her hair is a mess and she has no makeup on. She solves this dilemma by slipping on a mask much like the ones children wear at Halloween. Only it’s a mask of herself- Jane, perfectly groomed and made up. She takes the call from Gloria who after a few minutes of conversing sneezes, dislodging her own mask and exposing that she is in rollers with no make up. How embarrassing!
Have you ever put on one of those masks at Halloween?! I have. I can’t freaking BREATHE with them on! They’re all stinky and stale inside and leave weird indentations on the side of my face. It’s not hard to take those ones off, but sometimes I struggle with wearing my own Jane mask. It’s just as stinky and stale and suffocating but for some reason when I get insecure I want to pull the stupid thing out of my bedside table and hide behind it.
I’ve heard it said that humility is being known for who you really are. Sounds so simple but it’s so hard to do day in and day out. Because I want to the world to think the best of me! I want people to like me. I’m afraid of rejection just like anyone else. But God has used the transparency of other women to forever change me and I can’t live less than that.
A while back I had turned into one of those uber-judgemental church chicks I so despised without even realizing it. It started out ok. I had a serious dislike for strip clubs and Victoria’s Secret commercials and pornography and stuff like that, which is fine, I still don’t like that stuff, but somehow it twisted into this intense hatred for all the women involved in it. I look back at that time period and just cringe when I think of some of the things I said in conversation if anything commercially sexual came up. It had to be so obvious that I had a serious hate/judgement problem!
But I was blind to this ugly, festering, rotten pit inside me; I actually thought it was a good thing! Like it was somehow righteous or holy. Every once in a while God would tug at my heart after I made one of my nasty references to “those Sluts” or “dirty Skanks”, He’d ask me why I said such things about His little girls, didn’t I know how His heart totally longed for them? Didn’t I realize that He had died for them as much as for myself?
But I shrugged those whispers off and wrapped my hatred and contempt around myself like a shield. A shield against my own insecurities, because the truth is that somewhere along the way I had compared myself to them and found myself lacking; and I hated them for it.
Then one day I was surfing the web and I stumbled across the myspace page of a young woman named Crissy who had been a porn star but had gotten saved. She had blogged about her whole journey. (www.myspace.com/yourfriendcrissy) The struggles she faced after leaving her career and her fears and triumphs and failures were all laid out in brutal honesty. I read her story and as I did God broke my heart and I realized she was a real person. All those women I had hated and slandered are real people. Women who struggle and cry, who have insecurities and feelings just like mine. Who want and need to be loved and are desperately searching…for someone, anyone to tell they that they are beautiful, that they are wanted, that they are valuable.
I suddenly saw that disgusting area of my heart so clearly I was physically nauseated. Tears poured down my face as I thought of the things I had said and worse- the things I had thought about these girls, His little girls.
That day God used Crissy’s courage and openness to forever change my heart and attitude; and I ended up writing to her to ask her forgiveness on behalf of all the women I had been so hateful towards. She wrote back and through more correspondence and phone calls we became very close friends and have been for nearly two years! Incredible!
Even more incredible was that as He cleaned out that nasty pit in my heart He filled it with this tenderness, this compassion I can’t explain for women in the sex industry. I have this huge inexplicable passionate love for them and a deep desire to see them realize their incredible value. (Which is kind of hilarious considering the former state of my heart!) Some day I hope to be able to be involved in a ministry like Treasures, which ministers to women working in the sex industry. (www.iamatreasure.com on this site you can find Crissy’s testimony as well as the testimony of Harmony, the founder, and other women involved in Treasures)
But it’s not always easy or simple for Crissy to be so transparent. I know how people have struck out at her and said really hurtful things to her, using her honesty against her. I’ve seen some of the things they write to her, people who are exactly like I had been- blinded to their own inner rot! Still she keeps on keeping on walking everyday with a courage and sweetness that blows my mind.
I want to be like that! I want my life to be available for God to use to set other women free! But He can’t do that if I am busy hiding behind my Jane mask pretending I have it all together already. So here I am, I trashed my Jane mask and am muddling along trying my darnest to live this crazy beautiful life of mine in a way that points to Him. I mess up ALL the freaking time, but you know what? Every time I think that I have screwed things up, if I will just stop trying to put a bow on my mess and pretend it’s pretty, if I will just admit my flaws and look to Him He manages to create something beautiful out of it.
So what do you look like without your Jane mask on? There’s a rough, raw beauty in all of our imperfections when we just stop trying to pretend we’ve got “It”. Because I promise you, who you are is good enough if you’re leaning on Christ.
I have been waiting for YOU to write. Yep, waiting. I talked about you last week while I was at the pool with my aunt. We talked about how you are the real deal!! And how I am totally open to receiving your words and revelation because of just that. Because it’s really easy to see Christ in you!
I want to pray a blessing on this gift of writing God has given you. Holy Spirit, open greater doors than even this for Melissa. And show her how to walk through them in boldness, while keeping her vulnerability. I ask that her impact doesn’t stop here. I ask for more and more spiritual ground for her to cover, Lord. In Jesus Name.
But about this blog…
YES & AMEN. I’ve had some similar eye opening experiences about women in the sex industry. It really started with understanding girls in human trafficking. Women are just former girls, caught up in the same scene – whether they were displaced or not. There’s a bondage involved, no matter what level of free will is engaged. And I too want to see EVERY woman know her value to the living God.
Thank you so much! I have been that “Crissy”!! I have also put on my Jane mask and probably pretended that everything was ok. But, I was breaking and extremely hurting inside. But, I didn’t want to let anyone in because then that meant that I would have to show myself in my no make-up and curlers. That was just not an option or risk that I was willing to take. Being that my Husband is currently in prison has been a long road and it’s only recently that I have been able to share my testimony in front of people. And although my Husband is not guilty and will be released on acquital. I still had to walk through all of this so that I could step into my own calling. To minister to women who have loved ones in prison. To know exactly what they are going through so that I can encourage them also. And it is hard to be so transparent in front of people. But, I know that there is no condemnation in Christ. And alot of the rejection that I have gone through is only to experience what these women have also gone through. And I also know that His plan for me is GOOD!! Thank you so much for posting this today!!
In Him,
Jacqueline
Melissa
What a wonderful blog and perfect timing as well.. I am so thankful that God has used you to uplift and encourage someone special in Gods eyes. I marvel as I see Gods hand working in the lives of people…for we are all one body in Christ…. Glory to God…. Its the truth that sets us free.
many blessings to you in your ministry…
shalom… Chris
Isn’t it funny how God takes our very weaknesses and hyprcrosies and uses them to His glory once we release them to Him? If we keep Him at the center of our lives, His light will always shine through our cracks. God bless you, Mel, as you continue to let your light shine, guiding the way for others. Love you!
Melissa…you are just totally awesome!! I love reading what you have to say. You gave me goose bumps w/ this one.
My Husband and I are Quaker and we believe that everyone is equal and no one is better than anyone else. That the light of God is in every person and you said that so beautifully in your blog!!
What a great way to start my day, Thank you!!!
Great job, Melissa! We all have a Jane mask that dares us to put it on instead of being real and vulnerable…the problem is keeping up the Jane mask…it starts to fall apart with long time use. Thanks for reminding us all of the true beauty that lies within.
Wow! Your blog is like a wake up call with Father whispering…”these are my girls”…so precious to Him. My prayer is that I will set aside being critical and instead have compassion for the gals who have not yet recieved Jesus love for them and instead have turned to the lust and approval of the insatiable world. Thanks for taking off your mask. Believe it is best to throw mine away.
Mel – Walking with you through those times (they seem so long ago) when you wore your “Jane” mask only makes you more precious to me now. You have grown so much and I am in awe of how the Lord has given you a new outlook. Thank you for being so vulnerable in your writing, I am proud of you!
I love your blog Melissa. What a great testimony for all women. It has pierced my own heart about how I judge women to fell better about myself. I may not even say a word out loud but God hears the words in my expressions from the heart. Thank you for sharing about your insecurities so that others can see and identify themselves too in your story. Keep expressing yourself, it’s refreshing!
Love your blog as usual! This topic is sooo close to my heart…my brother has posted some videos about a similar ministry, JC’s Girls, at http://www.enochmagazine.com and I am so glad you shared about Chrissy! Plus, what a great reminder to ditch the mask—I need that daily! -gw
I like your blog, very creative. When I was stuck in that yucky lifestyle and after God pulled me out he showed me why and it’s just like you said…we want to be beautiful to someone who loves us for us. It’s so wonderful when our daddy God sees us this way when our earthly father doesn’t know how to tell us. It’s on top of the world wonderful when He gives you your husband who cherishes you and makes love to, all the while worshiping Him. I am so thankful for all the blessings he’s given me and that my past is forgiven and forever forgotten. It”s wonderfully amazing to let your beauty shine in redemptive purity and a renewed child-like faith…this’ the place where my creativity to dance and sing with my spirit & His is birthed from….unlock the possiblities….
Awesome, Melissa!!! I absolutely loved reading this – what a great story of God’s work in your life and Crissy’s…and mine for reading this! Keep it up, girl!
Love,
Crista
Dearest Granddaughter,
I have wanted to write on your first blog and made some notes, but I am still struggling with Lyme Disease and I couldn’t manage it, so I will share more later. I just had to at least get a few lines off this morning to say how much your light shines and how grateful I am for your loving life. It is so wonderful when we feel a part of God’s huge unconditional love! It makes it nigh on to impossible to be judgmental about others. Your writing is inspired and it is joyful to see how it touches other lives. This from a totally unbiased reader! Yeah!
Love, Grandma Dee
This is an awesome blog, and awesome testimony on your part. God bless the fact that you became aware of the inner ugliness that you had inside you.
Your gut-wrenching honesty is something I truly love about your blogs! You throw all the dirt out there for us to read and you don’t try to pretty it up for reading. That kind of transparency is rare. Much more of it is needed within the “Christian” community.
Your blogs are inspiring in the most uncensored way…
It is more than amazing how our Father continues to conform us to the image of His Beloved Son Jesus. I am so thankful that He chose to take this wretch that I am and turn me into His lovely, pure, and stainless bride – the love of His precious heart. He has chosen to use this dirty mud-brick to be a part of the stonework of His Holy Temple. May I offer some help to get our eyes off ourselves and onto Him and His Body: http://www.persecution.com As we look on what our brothers and sisters are living in and enduring each day, we may be able to see how much we take for granted and how much He has allowed for us to have and walk in. We love because He first loved us and this is in stark contrast to all of the sins that I commit day in and day out. Obedience is believing into who He is and what He has done – Christ in me, the hope of glory! He is so worthy! Thanks for the sharing of your heart!
Melissa – Thx for such honesty!
Abba Father wants to heal us by our sitting on His knee, then we can see others as He does…
melissa – love your blog! You are a great writer!
What I see even more than your heart for girls, is an anointing for un-easy truth! By being real yourself, you really make a place and room for girls to be who they really are. You are super great! Be encouraged! God is using you in a way to show a side of God’s love most people are afraid to show.
You’re real! You’re transparent! You’re voicing what we’ve all felt at one time or another as we’re forced to stare at those images and even unrealized standards that are heaped upon us as young girls! At first, we just want to be princess’, but we soon realize that the skinniest and sexiest girl gets the “prize”! Thus begins the road of lies to steal the heart of our youth! We look at the models and the adds and think that they are what we are intended to be! We resent not just their image, but you ARE right! We resent them themselves because surely it’s their fault! We admire or hate them depending on the moment instead of embracing them through His eyes of grace! I do not like the pictures offensively spread out for my young boys to see as we walk through the mall, but a heart check as to where my dislike is aimed is REAL!!! This is stuff we take into our everyday lives and slam shut the doors the enemy might think He can weasel his way into our hearts!! Thanks for sharing Jesus’ heart and reaching out to a hurting world!!!I love it!!!
Melissa,
That message was wonderful and it can apply to so much more than just the women in the sex industry. I don’t know about others, but at times the way someone, especially a woman, is dressed or looks at me can instigate an immediate dislike and it is all because I have on my Jane mask.
I let my insecurities get the best of me, and I forget that God made them and me to be the person we are. Sometimes that dislike is because of beauty, being cool, being smart, etc… In reality none of that truly exists in God’s eyes, nor is it important. Your message reminded me that we are all His little girls, some are just lost, where at some point in time we all have been.
I so appreciate you for sharing your heart, and as I go forth today I am going to try really hard to remove the Jane mask. You are amazing!
really loved this blog! It’s so easy to be critical and somehow think we are better. I caught myself doing the same thing recently with someone who was smoking. I probably almost said it out loud as I was walking…”That’s disgusting’ I thought. Don’t you know how gross smoking is and your killing your lungs, and people have to smell it..and on and on I went in my mind until the Lord showed me how He had helped me clean up my own life. I use to smoke. Ouch. It’s hard to love people and let the Lord minister when we are so stinkin full of our own masks and critical. Thank you again for sharing your heart! Love your writing!
I love that God has given you a heart for women that are blind to His love for them and use their God-given sexuality in distorted ways. What a strong messenger you are for His love to these women–and all of us. Love you much~m
Dear Melissa~ I don’t normally read blogs, but my daughter suggested that I read yours. She said it was really moving and that it had a lasting impression. Well, she was certainly right!
I have been the butt of all of those nasty things that people say, especially those who hide behind the name Christianity. You see, I am a lesbian, who lives in a very committed, loving, long-term relationship. My partner and I have had to hide behind our Jane masks almost every day for one reason or another. She knew she was gay when she was in high school and has had to hide most of her life. I didn’t know until my husband and I got divorced and I fell in love with a woman.
For 20 years, my partner has worked in the school district with adolescents, in the drug prevention/intervention program. Everyday she works directly with kids who have drug and alcohol addictions, counseling them, and helping them find their way to sobriety. However, if the school officials ever found out that she was in a relationship with a woman, she’d be fired on the spot. I work as a Technical Writer in a non-profit agency which finds jobs for people with disabilities. I have been luckier, in some ways, because I have always been “out”. I talk about my partner with anyone, including in job interviews, new people I meet, my relatives. But I am always surprised when someone asks me if I’m married and I reply no, but I have a partner. They say, “Well, I am a Christian, so I can’t really be your friend”, or “Don’t you know that you are going to hell for how you are living?” At first, I am sad about not being able to be friends or losing the love of family members. Then I feel like I am “less than” and “not good enough” and feel depressed. And then I just get plain freakin’ angry and ask myself, “How can people be so cruel? How can people who claim they follow the ways of Jesus and believe in God be so hippocritical and judgmental? Don’t they realize that I am a human being that was created by God? I am His daughter just like they are, yet they turn their back on me simply because I am different than they are–that I love differently? I have the same feelings that get hurt, the same insecurities, the same human needs that they do, but in their eyes, I’m doomed.
I ask God every day to help me understand these people and their hatred. I ask God to help me forgive them. God answers me by giving me the strength not to hide, to be proud of myself and my accomplishments, to be proud of my ability to love someone unconditionally and to forgive those who continue to have judgment and hatred in their hearts.
Sorry, I’ve gone on and on, but one last thing. I just read an article about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. When asked when they were going to get married, Brad responded, “We will get married when everyone who wants to, can.” I thought that was a beautiful answer!
Bless you–everyone,
Robbie
Love it! Love it! Love it! We are all looking for validation, to feel pretty, to be accepted and to know that we are valuable. Whether we’re wearing a “fat suit” or we got perfectly airbrushed curves. Praise God that He is big enough to redeem. And praise God that when He looks at us, He sees us as blemish free & white as snow. (Right now, I wanna see some of that blemish free — something happened to my face after my 32nd b-day. LOL!)
Great real writing!
Thank you, Melissa, for being transparent. I believe this is an area ( His hurting,broken girls) that God is passionate about motivating his sons and daughters to compassionate action. It’s time. It’s time to roll up our sleeves and get messy. That’s what the cross is all about. Keep running your race, even if you fall down, get up and keep running!!!
Thank you Melissa for writing this. Christina (Crissy) is a friend of mine and a wonderful person. She has overcome so much in her life and I am so happy for her. God loves her and all of us so much. If we only knew. I would stand side by side with Christians like Christina because she is real and knows God. She has removed her mask and put the truth out there for all to see. God Bless her and all the women out there like her who have found God and the truth. Love you Christina. Thank you Melissa, God Bless You Too. Louis
You are the real deal!! Love your writing! Love your heart! Love your style! Love your passion! And love YOU!! That is why you are my hero.
[...] you’ve been reading Destiny in Bloom for a while then you may already know why. (http://destinyinbloom.com/trashing-the-jane-mask/) The short version is that I was sitting one day surfing the web when I came across the testimony [...]