I’ll start at the beginning. Eight years ago I was pregnant with my first baby, this was an unplanned pregnancy by my husband and I, but planned by God. About 5 or 6 months into the pregnancy my husband very unexpectedly lost his job. I FREAKED out! I remember calling my discipleship leader and just crying because I had no idea what we were going to do. The company had tricked him into signing a form, which made it so he could not get unemployment. We now had no insurance and no source of income since I was not working at the time. My immediate thoughts went to “how can I make money to help us out”, “Where can I work that will hire a woman who is 6 months pregnant?”.

After a discussion with my discipleship leader she told me a story of how something similar had happened to her and she had the same knee jerk reaction. Her solution: work at a hot dog stand in the summer while 8 months pregnant. Although she made money the day she worked, she had to use it for the medical bills since she ended up with dehydration from that day. All her work was in vain and she should have just trusted the Lord to provide. So I tried to do that. I tried to trust the Lord to provide. I say I tried because I don’t think I really believed He would do it. So I had half hearted faith I guess you could say. My husband got a job a few weeks later and I forgot about the lesson God was trying to teach me. After all, it was taken care of now!

Well, not even 2 years later I was 8 months pregnant with my second daughter and what happened? My husband lost his job- AGAIN! My reaction: “ok, seriously God? Again??!!” I again tried to trust the Lord that He would provide. After over a year my husband still did not have a job. He finally took a part time job at a warehouse to make some kind of money. Well not long after my second daughter turned one we found out that, yet again, we were

pregnant. Ok, and just a side note here, these pregnancies except for the 2nd one were conceived while on birth control. Thus why I am saying, “they were not planned by us, but by the Lord”. My husband was still not working full time at this point, so at this time I made the decision in my mind and heart I was going to FULLY trust the Lord to take care of us.

My life verse was and still is Proverbs 3:5-6 ,“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge me and I was direct your paths.” I told myself this daily, “this was in God’s plan” whether I understood why this was happening or not. I gave it over to the Lord and knew He would provide. I remember saying to Him “Ok God, obviously you’re trying to teach me something through these job losses and this time I am going to learn this lesson!”

One month before my 3rd daughter was born my husband got an awesome job, the one he is still at now. It provides for all our needs, has awesome health insurance and benefits. It was the one God had planned for Him and just at the time God planned for him to get it. For Gods timing is perfect! Now all that to tell you how these trials turned into treasured moments for me.

Fast forward to last year. I found a lump on my neck. All during the testing the Dr kept telling me my results were coming back as great. He really didn’t think I had cancer just a thyroid nodule that we would monitor. Well as I was sitting in the van waiting to go into the doctor’s office for my biopsy results I heard that still small whisper, “It’s in my hands” and I thought

for a brief moment, “what if it is cancer”? This whole time I have been so convinced it’s not, that I haven’t thought about- what if it is! I had a peace. I was not worried. It was in His hands, I TRUSTED Him to take care of it.

So I meet with the doctor. He pulls out his laptop and is showing me the lab results of the biopsy, “This shows the first nodule on the right side. This came back as malignant. And this is the second one on the right side. This also came back as malignant.”

My response, “So when do we take the thyroid out?”

The doctor’s response was “You’re taking this pretty well for someone who was just told they have cancer.”

My response back, “well God knew 28 years ago when He created me that I would have cancer when I was 28! So let’s take it out!” The Dr kind of looked at me stunned that I was ok with this. Honestly, had it happened 7 years earlier I don’t know that I would have been ok with it. I probably would have freaked out like I did with my husbands job losses. But it took those trials that I had to walk through, the trials that taught me to have faith in my Lord no matter what is happening that led me to that place of faith where I could say, “It’s ok”. When I look back on those trials I now see them as treasured moments where my loving Father was teaching me how to have faith and to trust His plans for my life. It took me to a place where I could honestly see my cancer as a blessing. I was blessed to know that my Lord knew I was strong enough to handle a diagnosis such as cancer and that He would choose to use me as a light to others while I was walking through the battle with cancer. That was my goal when others asked how I could handle it so well. I didn’t point to myself. I pointed to my strength, the Lord Jesus who walked me through each and every step of the way, all the way back from 7 years ago.

Are you struggling with faith and trust? Know that God is molding your heart to be more like His with each trial and tribulation you walk through. There is a purpose for that trial and one day I pray you look back and see it as a treasured moment that God was using to teach you something so very important!

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

James 1:2-4

Nicole is a devoted wife to her husband of almost 9 years and mom to 4 awesome children (ages 7 and under!). Her hearts passion is in moms ministry and homeless ministry. She currently serves on leadership for her local MOPS group at her home church of Minooka Bible church in Minooka, IL. She desires to fall more in love with the Lord every day.

Nicole Bitterman