Destiny In Bloom

Tossing Rumors … Finding GOD!

Tossing Rumors … Finding GOD!

posted on October 30th, 2009 / by Marissa Star / 32 Comments

My first conversation with God, really talking to God went something like …

“I’m going to do wonders in your life.” –God

“What? You’re going to do wonders in my life? I’m a bleep-bleep-bleeping drug addict didn’t you like know that? You are like, um … GOD!” –Me and in my best Californian valley-girl accent leaning against the counter in the kitchen of my Aunt and Uncle’s house.

What a complete and utter mess I was.  Addicted to crystal meth also known as speed, a good 90 lbs. and hearing voices; not exactly new, … but this one was different! Tears welled up in my eyes as these words of hope were prying open my heart.  Could it be true? It was an invitation and a declaration.  It’s like I had a choice but not really as I locked myself in the bathroom so that my Grandma, Aunt, and Uncle wouldn’t think their tactics of trying to get me “saved” were working. There was the planted bible next to my bed with a hand written inscription, the Christian TV station on 24/7, along with a  soundtrack of Christian worship  playing in the background to dramatically set the stage for a salvation experience. One could think. These tools did come in handy later. But really it was just the simple words spoken directly by God that in one moment changed this broken little girl’s life.

I’m going to do wonders in your life.” -GOD

It’s been fifteen years ago now since I locked myself in that bathroom and experienced the love of God wash over me and ALL my sin, setting me free from an addiction to drugs and igniting a flame in my heart for more of Him. Have I done things perfectly since meeting Him that day? Ummm … NO! I began learning to walk a new way and like any baby learning to walk, I wobbled, I tripped, and even fell (yes, even on my face). But He would pick me up, dust me off and say, “Let’s try that again baby doll, you’ve got this girl, because I’ve got you!”

I just recently returned from visiting that bathroom on a trip back to California to see my Grandma (picture below). I took a moment to just stand in that bathroom and thank God for ALL the wonders He’s done in my life. Just like He said He would do. I thought of the healing that has taken place in my heart from the past, so I can stand before Him a healthy and whole person. Miraculous. I thought of my husband and how He brought us together, this man God has chosen to make me a better person. Miraculous.  I thought of each of my precious little boys, God unwrapping their destiny daily before my eyes. Oh my goodness, MIRACULOUS! The word “wonders” took on new meaning as my heart was humbled by the extravagance of His love. Gratefulness that knows no bounds, for only I know who I was the day we met. Oh how He delights in taking the foolish things and confounding the wise. I was the perfect Candidate for such an endeavor, aren’t we all?

”But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty;” 1 Corinthians 1:27


In this moment of reveling in His goodness, He took me back to that day I choose Him by way of a vision. It was like a bird’s eye view of that day. I could see myself, I was thin and fragile, long straight black hair to my waist, crying with abandon in this new love and acceptance, repentant of sin you wouldn’t want to repeat.

He whispered to me, “You were so beautiful to me in that moment.”

“Wait … let me hear you correctly God. Are you saying to me …  in what I perceive was my worst moment, entangled in sin and addiction … You found me to be beautiful?”, I inquired as a great mystery was being revealed to my heart.

A rumor or lie as you will was being exposed and everything in me cried out, “BUSTED!” , to the enemy of our souls.  You see the rumor about God is somehow that the better we get, the more we please Him, the more righteous we become, that by the things we do, we can actually cause Him to love us more. Not truth!

You see … the truth is the same love he offered me in that bathroom when I was drenched in sin is the same love he offers me daily as I choose to walk with Him. He loves me the same today as He did then. I’ve never been required to earn anything, but receive everything. Every key to His kingdom available to me by His Spirit and in His word … I cheat myself if I try and earn His love. It’s like trying to return the greatest gift ever given.  It’s like throwing away what He has called “beautiful” … His great love for us!

There are a lot of rumors out there about God. About Jesus. About the Holy Spirit. We dispel rumors about God by knowing God. We dispel rumors by experiencing His love and hearing His voice. These rumors and lies put God in a box with boundaries that deny us the limitless expression of His love and what that love can do in our lives when realized.  A box just isn’t big enough for our God. I know I feel claustrophobic when I feel someone has put me in a box! I want to spend my life pleasantly surprising myself and those I love. I venture to say God wants to too.  Let’s take a moment to let the Holy Spirit expose rumors with the reality of His love and purposes for us. He is always speaking … let us be listening.


What rumors or lies have kept me from the truth of who you are and your great love for me? Jesus … allow me to experience the refreshing of your love flowing over and in me once again. Restore hope in your wondrous ways, help me to unfold daily the mysteries of who You are to me … in me … for the world to see! I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made to walk with you in this great romance of redemption. Thank you for calling me friend and walking with me through this journey of tossing rumors and finding YOU!

In Jesus name!


You are carried in my heart and with GREAT love,

32 Responses to “Tossing Rumors … Finding GOD!”

  1. Ris, thanks for burning the midnight oil to bring such an encouraging word. What would this world look like if everyone understood the bottomless depth of God’s love? Hopefully, after today, a few more will get it.

    Love you! So glad to call you friend.

  2. Sweet Ris,

    You are the wonder He was doing!! I love you and am privilaged to get these wonderful peeks into the wonder He is doing in you!!

  3. Great blog. I know many will be encouraged! love you

  4. This is so good. I know, only a tiny glimpse of your testimony, yet so powerful! I love God’s love. And that’s why I love this blog. So many (often without realizing it) try to earn His love and work on being better, feeling as though His love can be ‘more’ for us. There is nothing any of us can do to make Him love us ‘more’ than He does right now. And we just need to receive. What a great message Ris!
    And yes, Great love!

  5. Thanks for sharing and being so open with your past!

    I need to do that more! You were in a bathroom on drugs, I was in a hotel room on drugs! God spoke to you about The wonders He will do in your life and God gave me a vision of where my life was headed and spoke to me about The living water He wants to flow through me.

    Isn’t God amazing how even when we are doing everything we can to run from God He seeks us, chases us and draw us to him?!? AMAZES ME!

    Love you Ris! I’m thankful for your friendship and your heart!


  6. Marissa,
    I love to hear your story!!! it is so amazing to see how much God really loves us through our testimony and our daily walk with Him!!!:) God is so GOOD!!:)
    Everyday with Him is like opening a present on Christmas morning! He gives His children something new and pleasantly surprises us when we least expect it! I love it!!!
    Thanks for sharing! Love you girlie!!

  7. I have no words…just know you have touched my heart, deeply with your raw admission and testimony. Thank you.

  8. “…the truth is the same love he offered me [put our experience HERE] when I was drenched in sin is the same love he offers me daily as I choose to walk with Him. He loves me the same today as He did then.”

    This is a truth the God years for each of us to understand and embrace, regardless of the condition of our lives when we finally stopped and let Him find us.

    Just an important, for those who may not have been as drenched in sin as others – those who may feel they don’t have as dramatic a testimony as some – need to understand and embrace this so that when we stumble WITHIN our walk, we’ll still believe in the SAME love He’s offer[ed], He offer[s], and He’s offer[ing].

    Thank you for shining a light on an ‘enemy lie’ and for reminding us of the never-changing love of our Redeemer.

    Hugs to you, girl!

  9. I woke up with How He Loves as the song of my heart and reading this has been a resounding reminder of God’s AMAZING and UNFATHOMABLE love for me.

    Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!

  10. Thank you for sharing your story. You did a great job!!! I thought you did a great job nailing down satan’s strategy that we, and by that I mean ME, tend to fall for. : “Every key to His kingdom available to me by His Spirit and in His word … I cheat myself if I try and earn His love. It’s like trying to return the greatest gift ever given. It’s like throwing away what He has called “beautiful” … His great love for us!”

    And I know God will use this to release readers into their divine destiny!

  11. awesome! thanks for sharing…. <<>>> from KY! ;o)

  12. Beautiful…just Beautiful.

  13. love it :)

  14. Ris – this blew me away! So raw, so honest, so full of truth. Thank you for sharing your testimony, you are such an awesome witness for God! I am clinging to your words,

    “You see the rumor about God is somehow that the better we get, the more we please Him, the more righteous we become, that by the things we do, we can actually cause Him to love us more. Not truth!”

    This is something my heart constantly tries to tell my mind. But I still trudge, still strive, still yearn to make my Papa love me more. This was a great reminder to me of how perfect His love truly is – that He loves us the same when we’re broken as when we are following him faithfully.

    You are so awesome Ris! Keep up the great writing – you are so encouraging to me!

  15. The best yet…every time I learn a little more about you – your testimony – and you calling – I am blessed again. You sort of make me catch my breath! Let your light so shine before men…and women! Keep it up Marissa. Let the Jesus juice flow and give him glory over and over again. Keep writing…it’s really good!

  16. Dearest Marissa,

    Fresh tears, fresh faces, fresh hope! Thank you for living a testimony of His love, His forgiveness, His grace, His miraculous plans and purposes… and HE is asking is for a YES GOD!

    I posted on my facebook and revisited your Drive-Thru Jesus! Wow! He loves me. He is for me!

    You’re one amazing breathe of fresh-air! Full of the spirit of God!
    Thank you…

    Love, Mary Jo

  17. I love to hear the way you tell your LOVE story. so blessed to walk with you ~m

  18. Marissa,

    The times in my life when I have tossed rumors for His truth and His way of thinking are the highlights I look back on now and rejoice over. There is always such freedom in knowing Him better! I wouldn’t trade those truths for anything this world can offer me.

    Thanks so much for your beautiful reminder of His amazing work! Thank you for your beautiful writing gift. Thank you for using it for Him and no other!

    Blessings my friend,

  19. That is so amazingly encouraging to know. It’s NOT all about me and my perfection! Yeay!!! Thanks for sharing your guts. They’re gorgeous.


  20. wow I am nearly in tears. So beautiful thanks Ris!

  21. It refreshes me how your everyday awe of the love you embraced in a bathroom one day long ago has set the tone for how you live everyday- in fresh and humble wonder of what all has been given to you. Inspirational!

  22. Ris~

    Always a treat to hear your heart and testimony of what God has done in your life. Nothing warms my heart more then to know that His love is free. That I don’t have to be perfect to earn my Father’s love or for Him to notice me. He is glorified in every word you type girl!!! thank you for blessing me today!!!

    love ya!

  23. Bravo Marisa, to your transparencey and revelation of the profound truth
    “I cheat myself if I try and earn His love.” It is a GIFT!!

    Bless you for your creative obedience.

  24. Wonderful as usual! Keep being YOU!

  25. Wow! Love your story and love the way in which you shared it! What an amazing testimony of His life transforming power and love for us. He is so faithful…

    Psa 117:2
    For great is his love toward us, and the faithfulness of the LORD endures forever.Praise the LORD.

  26. Wow Beautiful all I can think of at this moment is how God Lavishes is Love on us when we least expect it . Thanks for sharing your heart and being so real ! Love Kim

  27. Raw, yet beautiful! There is only one author that paints like that! Your stories unravel your spirit. “one moment changed this broken little girls life.” & yet he called that little girl His beloved, His beautiful prize! Ohhh, how my heart feels your words! I am so thankful He reached into the fire and pulled out His prize! Earning and striving muddy up the beauty of Him!! Thank you! I just forget to remember that less of me makes me beautiful! I forget that I’m not junk, but His beloved !So easy to do! Love!!

  28. Awesome truth! I love it when He allows us to revisit times/places in our lives to that are special to us so that He can reveal even more truth to us. His faithfulness knows no bounds. Thanks for sharing!

  29. My dear friend, i loved reading this. It’s blows my mind how awesome God is and how much he wants us. I love to read testimonies and it touches my heart so much to know that the person i knew back in the day, the girl with so much power in her who just needed the right direction to share all that she possessed, is giving her life to God. I didn’t give my life to God until later in life as well and by then we lost touch but I always had you in my mind. I was so excited to hear what God was doing in your life when we finally reconnected. Thanks for sharing!!

  30. [...] can also see this post at: Destiny in Bloom You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, [...]

  31. [...] confess all my sin to God in their bathroom while they were at work (you can read that testimony here.). They never lead me in the sinner’s prayer or walked me down the Roman’s road (I’m not [...]

  32. Marissa, How timely this is for me to read today. Thank you for reposting!