I’m sending my daughter off to college in a few days. I always knew this day would come, but I still feel so unprepared for it. How can a heart be so happy and so sad at the very same time? There’s just not enough room to contain that much emotion!
I’m so happy that her feet are pointed in the right direction. She has a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I can see that she loves Him with sincerity in how she lives her life. Because of this love, she wants to do something significant with her life, to make a difference in the world. Life will test and retest this faith of hers, and like all of us, she will have to fight to remain standing. I’m so happy that her feet are pointed in the right direction.
I’m sad that it’s time to let her find her own path. We are headed in the same direction, and we will still be close, but I must let go of the baton. I must urge her to run her race on the path God has set before her. I didn’t expect it to be this hard to let go. I’m sad because I will miss seeing her every day.
I’m happy that we share so many sweet memories. The first time I held her. (OK, she doesn’t consciously remember that, but it is stored in a back corner of her brain.) The time she won the all-school kindergarten ice cream eating contest. Her teddy bear that her brother used to torture. Her favorite teacher who took her from struggling in school to straight A’s. Soccer games, sleepovers, craft projects, camping trips, Bible verse memory, cooking and baking together, skiing, Driver’s Ed and proms. I’m happy that I’ve had the privilege of walking beside her.
I’m sad that she doesn’t need me as much as she used to. The irony of this is that for 18 years I’ve been training her, preparing her for independence. It’s also ironic that there have been times when I was overwhelmed by the constant needs of a growing family, and now I wish I was needed more. I’m sad because time doesn’t stand still and life doesn’t fit into the neat little box that I so often want to stuff it into.
I’m happy that she is smart and healthy. That her future is bright. That opportunities abound for her. That she has what it takes to pursue her dreams. That she has a wealth of friendships. I’m happy that she is ready to try her wings.
It’s funny that my sadness comes from my insecurities as a parent, and my happiness from the celebration of her life. There are other insecurities I could ponder, but when the final box is delivered to her dorm room, and we pause for that goodbye hug, I will be celebrating. Though my role and relationship with her are changing, God is not finished with shaping this young masterpiece. I trust Him to finish what He started. I am waiting expectantly to see what He does next.
“There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears.” Philippians 1:6 The Message
“For you created my (daughter’s) inmost being; you knit her together in my womb. I praise you because she is fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:13-14 NIV (bold print is my paraphrase)
Pam I loved your post on ” Time doesn’t stand still ” I can so relate to this my youngest will graduate from College in May . As hard as it is to let go it is so amazing to to see how God is molding their lives and how exciting this new chapter in our lives is beginning . To all young mom’s cherish every moment as hard as it seem at times like Pam writes “Time doesn’t stand still ”
Thanks Pam
Thanks, Pam! I always feel a tinge of fear & pain when I think about mine eventually heading off & it’s so beautiful to see how God can make it amazing as we watch all that we’ve sown & prayed for in their lives flourish!! Although I secretly really want that day to never come, I know God has a great and mighty plan!!! Thanks!! Sacha
My daughter is about to be a Senior in High school. We just sent our middle son off to live on his own thru a program for Autistic young adults…so scary. I feel everything you’re talking about. I write blogs, poetry and songs to express my feelings. I wrote this one yesterday as I thought about the beginning of her Senior year and all the “last firsts” we are experiencing.
I bet you can relate:
The Last First Day
When you were born
You were the last
But you were also first
Our last child and our first girl
We felt so unrehearsed
With each first that you gained
I knew “It’s the last time”
The first grin that you had
Was the last first time you’d smile.
With your first step so unsure
Though you thought it was so fun
The last first time you walked alone
Then last first time you’d run.
The first day of preschool
Seems only yesterday
Where did the time fly off to
Now it’s the last first day
The last first day of high school
The last first chapel praise
The last first pep rally
The last first football game
Though you know we only want
What is best and right and true
I think the last first day
Will be worse for me than you
I will stand here watching
As the school year starts once more
For the last first time you’ll enter
Through those high school doors
Yes first days are exciting
They’re full of butterflies
But last first days usher in
The first last goodbyes.
So enjoy these days and cherish
The friends who’ve made you strong
It’s your last first day together
Too soon you’ll say “So Long”.
Lisa Simmons 09
Great job Honey,
You are the best.
Mark
What a poignantly beautiful read. It tugged deeply on my heart strings and I felt my throat constricting at one day facing what you are experiencing. You said “I’m sad that she doesn’t need me as much as she used to. The irony of this is that for 18 years I’ve been training her, preparing her for independence. It’s also ironic that there have been times when I was overwhelmed by the constant needs of a growing family, and now I wish I was needed more.” That spoke so deeply to me and convicted me to relish how much my family needs me right now. Time passes quickly and it wont always be like that. I don’t want to look back on my life and regret feeling exasperated with how much they need me. I want to soak up every moment. Thank you for this!
This was so sweet. It was like reading a love letter to your daughter! I caught a glimpse of what my Mom might have felt like when I moved out nearly 10 years ago. She has grown through the changes with me. And she is surely a valuable and trusted friend!! BUT she’s also still my Mom. The one who visits from another state and rearranges my dishes. Haha The one who pets my head when she draws me in close. The one I look to as an example in marriage. There’s still no one like her in my world. She is very much NEEDED. Just wait, because God has those special things in store for you and your daughter too!
Thanks, Coli, for reminding me of the daughter’s perspective. Your comment really encouraged me.
hmmm. . . is that what I have to look forward to? I thought it was hard right here where I am, but you make it look bittersweet. You know, research says that bittersweet is better for you–or is that dark? No matter, I’m glad I have a friend like you to pave the way. I’ll call you the 1st day of pre-school and give you/me a pep talk. Over chocolate. love you ~m
Ahhhhhhh Pam. I just love your blogs. I already left you a text comment about this, but just wanted to say thanks for reminding me to stay in the moment these early years.