The White Picket Fence Fantasy
posted on August 26th, 2009 / by Rebecca Gates / 21 CommentsWe were convicted of our sin. We realized that our life was heading in a destructive direction and knew we needed a change. We prayed the simple prayer asking God for forgiveness and believing and receiving Jesus as our savior. So why don’t we feel much different? Spending time in prayer feels like camping out alone in a desert. God’s word doesn’t seem to come alive rather it’s as if we were reading a letter written to someone else. The striving to feel close to God begins to pull us back and forth from a bunch of dos and don’ts to self-condemnation. This tug–o-war we play with ourselves only drives us further away from the one thing our heart is starving for. We want to connect with God. We want to experience the power of our Creator the way it is written in His Book. But we are forgetting one not so minor detail of our conversion.
I became a Christian when I was 17. I said the prayer and began my journey into legalism taking time off every once in awhile for some self-condemnation after enjoying a little self-gratification. I spent the next 16 years of my life living with a knowledge of God, but not really knowing His power in my personal life. Praying and reading my Bible was usually pretty dry and not something I really looked forward to doing. Each time I met with God I had my list and rehearsed structure for it. Maybe you were taught this prayer formula too.
1. Worship 2.Thank God 3.Pray for my leaders. And lastly I could pray for all the things I want. I was careful to be specific so God could answer it exactly how I had it all planned out. Oh, and don’t forget I told “so and so” I would pray for her mother’s brother’s sheep. Now off to read the Word…where do I even begin?
Legalism would push me to stay committed; guilt would push me to hide from God when I failed to stay consistent. I wanted to experience God’s presence every time I sought Him, but I resolved that I should just be happy that I was even going to heaven, though my heart was crying out for so much more. All the while, I was holding on for dear life to…my life.
I call it the “White Picket Fence Fantasy”. It is the dream that most women cling to of owning a beautiful home, having the perfect husband who adores her, and perfectly trained children who fit into society’s box. It’s a kind of go with the flow mentality; don’t shake up the illusion daily ceremony. This was my objective in life. It was hard to consider such lofty things like the after life when I was still so far away from my dreams in this life. That is until my spiritual earth quaked. When things transpired in my life that made it impossible to pretend anymore, I was forced to take another look at what it REALLY means to be called a Christian.
Romans 6:3-5, “ Or have you forgotten that when we were joined with Christ Jesus in baptism, we joined Him in His death? For, we died and were buried with Christ by baptism. And just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glorious power of the Father, now we also may live new lives. “
I had forgotten to die! I had given my life to Jesus, but was asking Him to work within the confines of my plans and purposes, so I really had not given Him my life at all. I was just asking Him to be my magic genie in the bottle to make all my dreams come true. My prayer time was little more than me presenting my three wishes. And yet God had asked me to lay down my life for Him just as He did for me. (John 3:16)
With the pressure of my trials closing in all around me, I changed things up a bit. Instead of approaching my prayer time like a business meeting or encounter with Santa, I began to pursue God’s heart. I would ask Him to share His heart with me that I would be counted trustworthy to be called His friend. Often times I would just sit quietly waiting for Him to share with me what was on His heart for the day.
I remember one time He brought to my mind my friend who was adopting a little girl from another country. Last I had heard things were moving along smoothly, but I began to pray for my friend and his daughter anyway. When I went to my computer later that day I read an update that there were some problems with the paperwork and my friend seemed discouraged. I was able to email him and tell him that he was on God’s heart that morning.
My focus wasn’t on myself anymore. I was learning to be dead to my circumstances, my selfish desires, my need to be right at someone else’s expense. I was laying down my life to demonstrate Christ’s love to others and my love for Him while I was being made alive to the things of Christ!
To be called a Christian is to be called Christ like. Christ spent His life loving and serving others. The only way I can become like Him is to die and allow Him to be resurrected in me. This probably isn’t the most popular teaching, but maybe that’s why so many others are living like I was, with a knowledge of God, but without the power the Bible speaks so clearly about. We are walking around feeling so dead inside because we haven’t been taught that in order to live we must first die.
Philippians 3:10-11, “ I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised Him from the dead. I want to suffer with Him, sharing in His death, so that one way or another I will experience the resurrection from the dead.”
Maybe you are one who says, “I tried Christianity, but it didn’t work.” Or maybe you are like I was. You are doing all the “right” things, but you are secretly dissatisfied. Something tells you that there is more to this life, to this faith walk, but until now you didn’t know what to do. Your ready to surrender everything because you’ve realized that nothing else is working. It’s time to lay down your life, your dreams, and even your own ideas and allow Christ to change you from the inside out. It’s a scary step, but you will experience God’s love and faithfulness and His power in a way that transforms your life. You won’t ever be the same and you won’t ever regret it.
It’s early, so my words aren’t coming to me just yet. How I wish I could just cut open my heart and show you how deep your words settled! God used them to explain why some good changes have finally come into my life. Because I finally died to myself in those areas. And wow, does He bring LIFE!! It encourages me to usher in His life to all the other areas, by choosing to die to my desires. THANK YOU.
Yeah ba-bay! That was a great great one! Seriously, that was so rich and meaty- I loved it!
This was so good….the shake me out of my “religious routine” good
Wow, amen sista! This is exactly what I needed to hear, that I wasn’t alone in longing for something more. I will choose to die with Him and learn to live for Him. Knowing God’s heart is the single best thing any Christian could ask for. Thank you for sharing your heart!
I’m am so thrilled you wrote about this! It’s crazy to think about being passionate about death except when you know LIFE is on the other side. Beautiful blog with your always vulnerable touch! It’s all about us chubby caterpillars becoming His butterflies and finally realizing we carried the DNA to grow wings and fly the whole time. In the cacoon (His presence) death … in the cacoon LIFE! I know this will help and inspire many as it has for me:) Love watching you walk out your destiny “superfly chick of God!”
~Ris
I love this! It’s so true that we walk around in our little routine and make little time for listening to His heart. I needed the encouragement today!
This was a gooooooood word!!!! Sometimes when life gets so busy we try to put everything on a schedule. Even our time with the Lord. I’m throwing mine out the window and letting the Holy Spirit run the show!!!!!!!!
“My focus wasn’t on myself anymore. I was learning to be dead to my circumstances, my selfish desires, my need to be right at someone else’s expense. I was laying down my life to demonstrate Christ’s love to others and my love for Him while I was being made alive to the things of Christ!”
Amen! This paragraph says it all and says it well. I know that too often I get sucked up into the vortex of all that is me and my life…I’m sure at the expense of those around me and even those I could have helped had I not been wearing my “me” sunglasses.
I don’t think we can hear enough about getting out of all this is simply religious and just ‘be’ with Christ.
Thank you for this timely reminder and for sharing truth that is so relevant.
This is AWESOME!! And I know it is like the unsaid rule for husbands to tell their wives good job but seriously…. You have just simply explained what has been in my heart for so many years in the area of revival. I have been praying for more of this in my own life for years and years and look at you go! It has been fun watching you become so consumed with your relationship with God. Keep Running!!!
Love ya
Travis
Always so inspired by you, sweet friend. Oh, how I can so relate. I’ve been there…in that place…more than once. When my focus moves from God’s heart to mine. My desires. My fears. My wishes. My causes. My purpose. My creations. And all those things fail in an instant. Because the only worthy things are His. Every good and perfect gift is from above. I hope your blog inspires others to shift their vision. Much love!
I really loved this entry. It’s wonderful! It spoke to me because I’m in the same place on my journey with God. I’m learning about his heart.
Death for life or you can hold on for dear life to your life and be dead inside. But Jesus gives life and Life more abundantly when we lay down our desires and Seek Him..He will show us what to do and our life will be more than we could have ever thought of or hoped for. Once again..loved. Love you, Celeste
This is truth, Rebecca. As I’ve heard my native Texas friends say about a good sermon, “That dog will hunt!” It is contrary to what we naturally want to do and what our culture teaches us to do, but it is truth and freedom.
Just yesterday I was reading where Jesus said, “But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must be the slave of everyone else. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Matthew 20:26-38
Thanks for writing this. It is really good. Mark thought so too, but he didn’t leave a comment.
Loved it!! Die self, die! Rise up in me JESUS!!
Once again I am amazed at the depth of your well. Thanks for living up to an expectation that God called you to and only you can own! love your heart~m
Thanks for posting this, Rebecca. It’s a great reminder of how we should live. Jesus’ focus was on the Father’s heart and ours should be as well.
Thanks for your post and your heart. It reminds me of the song Motions- Matthew West. The last thing I want to do is go through the Motions.
Jaime
Love it Rebecca!! I think I tried to comment before from my phone and it doesn’t love to do the right thing all the time!! Thanks for listening to all of what He has to tell us and not just the pretty stuff!! Love ya girl!!! Sach
Thank you everyone, Leah you are hilarious! I pray that as you continue to pursue God’s heart He will surround you with His presence. I know He will…it’s His promise. “if you seek Me you wil find Me if you seek me with all of your heart”. His passion for you is pursuing you today.
You for sure are my “superfly chick of God.” Ever since we had the discussion about “praying what’s on God’s heart” my prayer life has changed! I have to die to myself and my stubborn mind DAILY! It sucks, but it’s so much better that way in the end! I love God’s timing you know! I haven’t really prayed or even “talked” to God since i got to Hawaii. I’ve just been pissed and irritated, but last night i prayed what was on God’s heart! Then i read this…. I told you… It takes me a long time to read someone’s blog, but it IS God’s perfect timing. At least for this one…
Love you
Hey honey a Pastor just contacted me and asked for permission to use content from your blog in an upcoming message he is preparing. Remind me to tell you about it!!
Love ya!!
Travis