The Seven Year Itch: The Recovery … Praying it Out
posted on February 25th, 2011 / by Maree Socha / 31 CommentsYou’ve heard the saying, “You have to make a mess to clean a mess.” In part 1 we cleaned out our closet and started going through the “stuff,” where we talked out the issues and sorted through the muck that was in our hearts. We were now putting back together all of the unorganized pieces that had been broken from the mess by walking out the hurts and frustrations in part 2, allowing the Lord to begin healing our marriage. This was painful at first, like rubbing alcohol to clean an open wound, but it was cleaning us out and doing its job, ultimately healing and soothing our hearts. Yet the wounds were still very tender, and our emotions vulnerable during this recovery.
God’s redemption for our lives is much bigger than our feelings of being rejected or victimized, and we chose to submit our fleshly desires and feelings to the process of healing where Rob wouldn’t take offense to my inquiries, and I wouldn’t use them to accuse. This began the healing process where we were able to overcome these battles and move forward in our marriage, stronger and united.
He said, she said (Praying it out):
Rob:
When you stopped constantly questioning me about every little detail of my life and started listening to me explain my struggles without giving me those “looks,” I began to trust that you were the safe place I needed. The feelings of rejection subsided, and peace began to rule. I am no longer afraid that you will hold my failings over my head as a banner of shame because you have modeled for me grace and forgiveness.
I soon realized that you were allowing me to share my struggles. When you did ask a few pointed questions, I swallowed my pride and answered you as honestly and best I could. I know that it’s not perfect, and we are still walking this out by trusting and confiding in one another, but I am so thankful that when we chose to lay down our own lives, to come together and pray, and release our feelings and failures to the Lord, His power worked in us to redeem and restore what could easily have been lost.
Maree:
I got a glimpse of the big picture, the picture of learning to trust again. It wasn’t some overnight cure that just sort of happened, it was a process, a process of learning who I am in Christ, and believing it, walking it out, knowing it. I learned that walking in forgiveness towards one another takes effort. A big part of that for me was choosing to forgive myself; I had to stop living in the past, start focusing on the present and praying about the future, trusting that God is always faithful. I saw you in a totally new way. Instead of my knight in shining armor you became my partner in shining armor. We had gone through a battle together, and now that we walked through the healing together, we were more “aware” of the enemy’s targets against us.
Rob:
On this journey with you I learned that sometimes the things we do have unintended consequences that go beyond what we imagined could be possible, and it is easy to deeply hurt those you love the most. I also learned that if you love someone and have wounded them, and they wound you in return, if you truly love them and are willing to do whatever it takes, even completely laying down your life and your “rights,” then the process, however difficult to endure, will result in a redemption and a resurrected relationship that is better, stronger, healthier and happier than before. There is a knowing that when we said, “until death do us part,” it was intentional and we are going to honor that commitment.
Maree, I want to thank you for choosing to love me. I want you to know that I love you today from such a deep part within my soul, and that I’m ready to walk with you forever, come what may …
Maree:
I took it a day at a time, I woke up in the morning recited, “the joy of the Lord is my strength,” and allowed His joy to come in and my mind to be renewed. Whenever the questions would come about: “where is he,” or “what is he doing,” I would literally take that thought captive and bring it to the Lord. And the fruit of that is that I love you more than ever, no matter what. It’s not some “Pride and Prejudice” romantic frolic in a field, it is real love. I am giving my all to love you and so when I heard, “whatever it takes,” I wanted to prove to you and every body else in the world that this isn’t some puppy love, that comes and goes, this is a true love that endures. I guess that’s what I learned. I learned how to love.
The Recovery
We walked along a pretty bumpy road through this process. It jarred us, shook us, and hurt. It was slow and difficult to navigate at times, but God was having us relive our vows that we had made 7 years earlier. We forgave each other and learned the true meaning of love. We were two broken people who were ultimately washed and renewed walking in the fullness of what God has called our marriage to be: steadfast, strong, enduring; a love just as the Bible says:
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
When a woman and a man come together as one in unity, they represent who God is. They represent the defender and the nurturer and that is where the power is, the power to cure any seven year itch.
About The Author
Wow! If you were to write a part 4 I would call it Living it out! You two have done an amazing job here telling the story of hurt, trial and forgiveness! The blessing I see in your story is that you get to live your life together now! So many couples don't make it thru this and they miss out on the true meaning of love, forgiveness and life altogether. I pray your message here that after the fire comes such a sweet blessing is clear. You are doing a good thing! Total agreement with Rebecca in that I see the beginnings of a ministry. And in this past year of preparedness from us praying over you before that first article posted, God has been doing His work in you to take you and Rob to that next level! So much love and respect for you both! Hugs.
Thank you so much for your transparency and sharing your testimony! I agree with Rena. Too many marriages give up in the middle of the process. There is so much that is missed out on the effects of persevering. With the divorce rate in the church the same as out of church, what incentive is there for a non-believer to seek God and know Jesus when they are having trouble with their own marriage?
We all have trouble in our marriage and life but not all are willing to expose the lies of the enemy and allow others to share in the Joy of the Victory.
Praying blessings on your family as you bless others with your message of Hope!
Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.
Way to overcome, Maree!!! I can't wait to hear about the fruit borne through your transparency, both for you and your readers.
Rock on, sister!!
Rob & Maree thank you for taking the courage to tell your story! What an awesome testimony of love & God's power for redemption. I'm so grateful you both chose to go the distance. Love you both!
I'm a real "hit and miss" reader of DIB. I miss for a whole month and then catch up a month's worth of reading in just a few days. I'm so glad I clicked back here this week!!
Wow guys – wow! I've loved and watched you two for years and so admired who you are, but now its on a whole new level. Thank you for being so transparent and allowing the Lord to use you to touch the hearts of others.
On some level, all of us are exhausted by the "have it all together" look that so many of us Christians protray to those around us. It's true that we have an amazing God who blesses us immensely and our lives are rewarded because of His faithfulness – but if we never share the struggles, the sins, the battles, the losses, etc. – then the victory loses some of it's effect. I have been guilty of this before and I think all of us struggle to learn to be transparent.
(cont'd) Thank you both for stepping out of your comfort zone and opening up to the world. It will have GREAT rewards – for you both, for many of your relationships, for your ministry opportunities, for your children, and for the many readers who's lives will be touched by this message and the HS. I agree with Rena – there should be a fourth article someday showing all the blessings the Lord brings from this! It's going to be big!
Rob – I told you this yesterday, but thanks again for sharing the "he said" part of this week with all us female readers. We need to be reminded!
Maree – thank you for opening up about hurts that I'm sure were more comfortable to hide. That vulnerability is a beautiful God-given trait of femininity that we have devalued in our society. He will reward you with great protection and care of your heart.
Love and blessings to you both!
Kisha
wow- there really aren't words enough to describe this, I'll just have to settle for Beautiful.
THIS is EXACTLY what my husband and I have been walking through the last two years. I teared up reading this and wanted to exclaim, "YES!!!" It is certainly a process, and God does change hearts, and will certainly bring good from what was meant to destroy. For me, I simply couldn't give what i simply didnt understand I had. There's so much freedom in receiving and giving unconditional love and acceptance…and through this journey, to have a love that is so much deeper than before. Through this process, I realized MY identity doesn't come from how my family is "performing". It doesn't lie in a "perfect" family, but in God alone. Oh, i would have denied any such idea…that I was looking to my husband and children for identity and not to God. Afterall, that would be ABSURD! When i began listening to HIM for direction and encouragement…with Him being my source ( not my ideals of how things "should" be), my marriage and family began to live. My family isn't "perfect" and there certainly is plenty of room for growth, but praise GOD for what He has brought from such a mess!! :0)
THANK you for sharing your story…it's AWESOME to hear others share in what God is doing in their lives. It's confirmation that His way…WORKS! What a beautiful, redemptive story you have!
Dear Maree and Rob, when I finished reading Part 3 of your written shared testimony, immediately this scripture came to mind, "The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth."
As the Church when beauty comes from ashes …. lived out, fleshed out, worked out, graced out … truly we have seen JESUS walk among us … full of grace and truth … glorified!
Thank you over and over and over,
Love, Mary Jo
Rob and Maree,
Mark and I have had some great conversations this week about your articles. You did a great job of portraying both perspectives and your process. Thanks for being so transparent. We also had a rough patch (although the issues were different) between year 6 and 7 of our marriage. And like you, our commitment to each other, to our marriage and to the Lord was deepened. The communication and trust that we learned in that time is priceless. You guys are a beautiful couple. Can't wait to see what the next 10 years will bring for you guys!
Rena,
Well said!! Only through Him can we live life everyday with a desire to love no matter life brings.
Thanks for the words of encouragement.
~Maree
Thank you for being apart of our journey this week!!
We hope to keep spreading the word of our victory so that marriages and lives can be restored and changed through knowing the Father's love.
Blessings to you too!!
~Maree
Thank you Nancy!! Living for Jesus is so much fun!!:)
Yes, thank you Rebecca!! We are so grateful to be able to tell God's story through us!!
We love you too!!
~Maree
Kisha,
Thank you for your loving words!! We desire to make ourselves available to help and heal the broken-hearted. It's what we are made to do!!:)
….There just might be a 4th article!!:)
Love and appreciate you,
Maree
Melissa,
I will take Beautiful…..any day!!!
Love you so very much!!
~Maree
Thank you for sharing your beautiful story!! I love reading what God has done in your life!! You have such a heart to love and accept!! Keep sharing!!
His Way truly works!!
Many blessings to you and your family,
Maree
Mary Jo,
I cannot tell how you how much your words touched us!! You have just spoken what our hearts long to see!! The TRUTH full of HIS GRACE!!
We love you deep!!
~Maree
Thank you Pam!! I love looking back and seeing just how far we've become and then looking forward and realizing God has only begun the work He has started. Time is priceless, that is for sure!!
I love being apart of this team with you!! Thank you for your continuous support!!
~Maree
You Two have GUTS! I know it takes a lot of courage to discuss your issues out in the open like this. Rob, thanks for being strong enough to face your struggles and get help. It takes communication to a whole new level when you open up and confess your deepest "stuff" to your wife. Once the foundation is reset you are ready to build again. Way to go.
Rob & Maree~Thank you for sharing. I'm lost on words to describe exactly how much my heart has been changed. God spoked to me clearly about my marriage. God is GREAT and HIS plans for our Life/Marriage is so much better than we can ever imagine!
Thank you for commenting Mark!! It was definitely a faith building test to be able to lay it all out and discuss such sensitive issues. We pray His Word would be spread so that many can receive healing in the same way we have.
We appreciate your encouraging words!!
~Maree
Melinda,
Amen!! God is so good to His children, especially when we hear His voice and we are obedient to His call. I pray many blessings over you and your marriage!!
Thank you for taking the time to read!!
~Maree
Thank you so much for being open and honest! The whole article (all 3 days) were great and such a precious picture of how much God loves us. We have only been married a few years but this is so encouraging and a great reminder to always safe guard our marriage and work through everything (big or small) because there is a never ending fight to destroy our marriage but that is not what we or God wants
Thanks to both of you for your honest sharing. I just read all three articles back to back – and it's a powerful testimony of grace. Praying that the enemy would pay dearly for his work against you and that your marriage would grow deeper and richer with every passing year. Congratulations on your perseverance and selfless love.
Love that is enduring…. I LOVE that!!! Thank you for sharing this part of your life with us. It brings alot of hope and encouragement to know that even in the midst of these trials, the joy of the Lord is our strength.
"Instead of my knight in shining armor you became my partner in shining armor. " This is so powerful! You guys are a miracle and I believe you will be a part of a miracle chain reaction in marriages!
love you,
Rebecca
Praying many blessings over your marriage!! Stand strong and keep fighting the good fight!! God is so good!!:)
Thank you for your words Jan!! They really mean a lot!! Every day is a new day that we can take back what was stolen from us!! God's grace is sufficient!!:)
Yes!! His joy has helped me in so many ways….it truly is our strength!! Thank you for seeing the message of hope in our articles!! That is what it's all about!!:)
Rebecca,
Thank you for your encouragement!! Pursuing Him with our marriage and seeing other marriages restored is what we desire!!
Love you too!!
~Maree