With any wound or pain you have in your body, there is going to be some kind of remedy you must go through in order to get rid of it. In the first article of this 3 part series we talked about “the itch,” the part where you have to really bite down and face the pain. This second part is about the cure, walking out the pain, through the pain, and even though it hurt, sometimes more than we thought we could bear, we knew it needed to happen.

Here we go, the rubber was meeting the road, our laces were tied, and we were ready to walk it out, weren’t we?

For the next year (yes that would be 12 whole months or shall we say 365 of the longest days of our lives) we stayed up late into the night, or early into the next morning, talking, fighting, and yes even sometimes we stayed up yelling. It took a lot of heartache, it took a lot of energy, it took a lot of time. There was a battle going on, not just a physical battle between two people, but also a spiritual battle for our very souls. Deep down both of us were determined to get to the other side.  We knew there was a hope, but this leg of the journey was very difficult to endure.

He said, she said (Walking it out):

Rob:

Having the same argument over and over again was wearing me out. I didn’t want to argue, I didn’t want to talk about it. I just wanted it to be over, done, behind us. I knew I hurt you, and I was truly sorry. I knew that you didn’t trust me at this time, and I knew that I didn’t respond well to you either, that anger and frustration would come out, but all I could do was apologize. All I could do was try to love you and work with you through this, but if I didn’t feel like you were a safe place for me, if I didn’t feel you would love me through this, not just fight for your rights, your feelings, I feared that I would soon slip back into the same patterns as before. I mean I might as well; I’m going to be punished for it anyway.

Maree:

Playing the detective and searching for the dark motivations of your heart was exhausting. All the repeated questioning, to be certain you were leaving no stone unturned, was just magnifying the situation into uncontrollable arguments. I knew I had to let it go and allow the Holy Spirit to do that work for me, and trust that He was going to work it out completely. There was a natural struggle inside me, truly flesh versus spirit. I was trying to forgive and move-on, to love unconditionally, but I couldn’t allow my heart to be hurt again either. That’s when deep down the gracious Holy Spirit reminded me in all the ways you loved me: how you decided in our courtship, we would not kiss until our wedding day; the way you looked at me after our first born was delivered and while grazing my face with your hand you said, “I’m so proud of you.” How unselfishly you put my needs before your own and all the ways you allow the Lord to reign and rule in your life.  Being reminded of these things didn’t fix the way I felt, although, little by little my heart was being turned back toward you. I was still hurt, but the broken pieces were being mended and my eyes opened to see how much you truly love me. A part of me was saying, “how could you do it after seeing the birth of our children, and after all we’ve been through.” And the Spirit was saying, “He loves you.”

Rob:

But I had said, “Whatever it takes,” hadn’t I?  If I truly meant those words then I needed to live by them and to begin to love you in the midst of and through your pain.  I needed to be a rock you could lean on and trust in again, and to do that meant to bear this heavy burden with you.  And if that meant answering your questions, then I lay my life down to do so, even though it wasn’t easy.

Maree:

At that point the wound began to heal. I knew that the cycle of me questioning you had to stop, there had to be a stopping point!  Holding these things over you was like drinking poison, which was causing bitterness, unforgiveness, anger and frustration to rise in my heart, prompting yet another round. I had to stop believing the lie and start believing the Spirit, the truth that you loved me, even in the sin. Truly, the breaking point was when I stopped asking questions and trying to figure out why, when I started believing you and the comfort of the Holy Spirit, stopped thinking the worst, and I started choosing life over death and the Truth over the lie. It was a choice!

The Cure

We slowly started to trust again, in this year, the late nights, the fights and the arguments subsided. Love and forgiveness began to be our banner once again.

We took a dose of humility, put our selfish needs aside, and watched His power overcome our weaknesses. It sounds so simple, but this verse resonated deep within our souls:

Nehemiah 8:10b “Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”

The determination of our hearts to see this thing through was about to witness a Master’s plan unfolding with healing, health and victory …

(To Be Continued)

About The Author

Maree Socha

Rob and Maree, were married on April 8, 2000, have four beautiful children and are actively serving in leadership as members of Gateway Church in Southlake, TX, since 2002. Rob works in sales and marketing and Maree works at home, training and homeschooling the children. They long to see hearts changed, love renewed and marriages restored.