The Scarlet Letter
posted on November 20th, 2009 / by Heather Bourland / 27 CommentsI grew up in a home where I was told about God and we encouraged to be in church. (conveniently located one house down from my home) However, inside the walls of my home, there were 2 very broken parents & 4 very hurt children, which resulted in 1 single mother and four children that were lost in the mix. Years went by and I found my identity in being “The Party Girl”. I started to fill all those broken places in my heart with alcohol and even better … BOYS! (After all, at 18-21, there were no Men … just BOYS!) I had not a care in the world … literally … I cared about no one, especially myself. Along with many others, came this fun party guy that really “liked” me. After a whole 2 months of knowing each other, we moved in together to play house. During that time, we really fell in love, but in doing things in the order we chose, rather than God’s order, we had stepped out of any covering on our relationship that we may have had from the Lord.
A year later, we were fighting quite a bit and heading towards breaking up when I found myself pregnant. Whoa! Now what do I do? We stayed together probably another week and went to see a pastor that happened to be a friend of my dad’s. The first thing he did was to tell us about salvation and led my “baby daddy” into the sinner’s prayer. From that day on, all hell broke loose. I spent that week trying to convince him that he’d be a good dad and it would be ok. He struggled and we went back and forth. Then one Friday, it occurred to me, he gets to choose what he wants to do! Not me, I’m going to be responsible for this baby no matter what. I don’t get to choose.
With that heavy on my heart, I walked into Saturday night church for the first time in a long time. I softly whispered to God, “I can’t leave here without answers … what do I do? I’m so lost!” With that, I heard so clearly in my heart, “Leave your friends, leave any old influence, and leave Chad.” At this point, I had no relationship with family, friends were far and few between, I had no job, no one to care … but I finally had direction and I was thrilled!
I looked up and in the midst of the crowded church I saw a girl with red hair and uplifted arms … Hey! I KNEW that girl!! It was Lily! She was probably the only real Christian I had ever worked with. I ran up to her and started talking and we were inseparable from that moment on. I went to live with her family and we were grateful that no one knew where I was. They were very protective of me, this girl that they hardly knew. Within a week, I was given a job and a car! But the best part … I exchanged all that I had for all the He had for me. I had become pretty fond of my new King. I was on a high!
I went through months of my pregnancy, just me and my God. I was attending missions trips and serving others. I was starting to get visions from the Lord about my future. One vision I was given was of me and my husband walking together side by side while I was pregnant. I had been attending a college group and when I received that vision I thought, “Which one of these suckers is going to marry a pregnant chick?!!”
One day, I received a phone call and it was Chad. He had found me and wanted to meet with me. I did, and bless his heart, I think I scared him to death! I told him that I didn’t want to have anything to do with him and I completely released him from any responsibility with our baby. I told him that I only wanted God … nothing or no one else. With tears in his eyes, he said that he wanted to be a part of our lives and he had been scared but repented. You see, the whole time that I had been alone with God, handing things over, He had been transforming Chad. After a lot of prayer and council, we were married … there I was walking hand in hand with MY husband, while I was pregnant- just like in the vision God gave me. Now here we are … over 10 years later, 3 wonderful children to fill our arms, 1 baby waiting for us in Heaven, and a 5th baby on the way!
Recently, I shared my testimony with a group of young women that are in the same situation I found myself in over 10 years ago. As I listened to them speak, I couldn’t help but be so overwhelmed by sadness … from God. It was the first time I heard God weep.
I asked, ”Lord, what is this heaviness?”
I heard Him say, “Oh Heather, I hurt that my precious daughters feel so much shame over LIFE! I had the power to say no to this … and I didn’t! I literally saw God grasping His heart with one hand and pointing at His girls with the other and saying to me THIS is good?”
“So, Lord … this is what you thought of me? When I felt like there was a big “Scarlet Letter” on me … and when I felt that I carried this cloak of deep shame? You saw my situation and said, ‘THIS IS GOOD’.”
Regardless of what you think your Scarlett Letter represents … abortion, a child placed for adoption, rape, a pregnancy that was not planned by you … the Lord says to you today, “Free that chain from around your neck, oh CAPTIVE Daughter of Zion!” (Isaiah 52: 1-3) You are not to carry this Scarlett Letter, these chains! He comes to tell you that He loves you no matter what, He accepts you and He’s so proud! Allow the Lord to show you His grace … and EMBRACE it!
(With that, there is a new ministry that ministers to young, unwed, pregnant women called Embrace Grace out of Gateway Church in Southlake, Texas. We have an opportunity to change what the world sees as something bad, as a time to show God’s unbelievable grace. Please contact me at heatherbourland @hotmail.com if you would like to know where you can serve.)
Heather passionately loves the Lord and people. Her heart is filled with joy when she knows she made someone laugh. From Keller, TX, she is a wife that loves her husband, Chad, unlike any other and a mother to 3 children (and another due at the beginning of the year) that have an amazing calls on their lives. Heather feels honored and grateful to be apart of Embrace Grace Ministry and see freedom enter the hearts of ALL women.
Oh, Sweet Heather. Your testimony always brings me to tears–sweet happy tears! And when I think of how God has blessed you and your family over the past 10 years, more tears follow. Love that God is impacting others and changing young women’s hearts through you!
Heather, the night you gave your testimony changed my life and my outlook completely. I will never forget it, and i hope you know the impact that your story has made on my story. I love you! Thank you for loving me and my baby, and showing us that God loves us too :] You are such a blessing to me!
Beautiful Heather!! Thanks for shouting His praises together!!!! Love the scarlet letter!!Set the captives free!! Love ya, Sach
“Which one of these suckers is gonna marry a pregnant chick?!” So real, so beautiful! He always answers our hearts cry so much more beautifully than we could ever imagine!!!!!
Beautiful, Heather! I loved it!
Beautiful testimony Heather!
And we know that God causes ALL things to work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28
He is using your life to bless and minister to others; how amazing! It is such a blessing to walk in freedom!
Heather, what an amazing testimony to God’s grace, love and redemption! Thank you for sharing your story with others and using it to show other young moms God’s love. You are loved!
Heather, this is amazing. I love that God never wastes the hard things we go through but uses them to change us and then to change and comfort others…a much needed reminder to me in a totally different situation this morning. Your story moved me to tears, I love it, and you!
Wow! What an amazing testimony. I love stories of God’s faithfulness. Nothing is too difficult for Him. I love the ‘all in’ kinda girl you are! Love that vision for ministry is often ‘born’ out of difficulty. Your ministry to these young girls changes the destinies of generations to come! Thanks for sharing!
Heather- all I can say is wow! Your testimony is amazing- Look what the Lord can do! I found myself tearing up just reading this because I could feel your heart for these girls, because you recieved Gods heart for you. Thank you, I know God will use you to be an encoragnent and support to many girls! Bless you!
Heather~ What an amazing story! I love how God can use anything and everything in our lives for His glory! I too found myself in this same situation. I love how the Lord redeems and restores. Thank you for writing this and sharing your heart.
I love your testimony and how real you are with all of us. Your heart for the Lord is inspiring. I love the grace that is poured out all over this message!!! So glad our paths have crossed and I have the chance of knowing you better!! God bless you!!
Amazing! God is so good. Thank you for sharing and to God be the GLORY!!!
I love it! So awesome, Heather! It never ceases to amaze me how God can take the hardest situations and make them the most beautiful and perfect thing! Thank you for sharing, this is very powerful!
That was so awesome Heather!! I have never heard your testimony before, it is so powerful and encouraging! I know you have touched and will touch many lives with your story and what God did through you. I’m so happy to call you a friend and am so proud of you! What an incredible and beautiful woman of God you have become. Thanks for sharing your heart with all of us! Love you!!
Heather, I love your transparency. I am so amazed at how God loves each of us and how He redeems everything. I love you! Good job, sister.
Heather,
I have not heard your entire testimony, but WOW! How awesome to see the love of God continue to flow through you and Chad! As we throw our hands up in the air and allow Him to move, miracles happen! Blessings to you and your family!
I am SO glad God brought you and Allie to Embrace Grace!! It was obviously a collision of lives that God intended on happening – all for the cause of mending these lonely and broken hearts … Let’s be the hands and feet of Jesus … and speak life to these girls that CHOSE life! I am honored to be your friend
Heather,
So thankful that you are sharing your story and helping to make an impact on these beautiful ladies! They were hanging on to your every word on testimony night. Looking forward to seeing so many ladies embrace their freedom and to truly LIVE for them and their babies! Love you!
Where’s the tissue box? I literally have streams running down my face. I’m so thankful for you and your story. How amazing! I love how our Daddy redeems and says, “This is GOOD!”
Heather, I remember the tail end of this time very clearly. Although I did not know all the situations you dealt with while away, I clearly remember meeting you shortly after this reunion with Chad. I was very young and didn’t have a clue of what the “real world” was or what struggles you had truly gone through. But, I did know that I saw a special lady in you and I still do. I am so happy you and Chad have found SO MUCH happiness in your marriage, and have shown everyone that you two truly did know what you guys were doing
Thanks for sharing your testimony….I have never heard of this website. I think I might stop in again
Hey girl,
I’ve neverheard the whole story all at once before. I didn’t know about some of those missing pieces, but I DID know of His faithfulness in your life. Thank you for sharing it so candidly with the world – You will overcome by your testimony. Thank you for sharing His unconditional love with his hurting daughters! You are being Jesus with skin on and it’s beautiful!!!!
So happy I know the beautiful Bourlands! Love ya girl!
I’m so proud of you Heather! And I love what the Lord showed you. I remember years ago when we were youth pastors one of our most popular girls found herself pregnant. It stirred up a lot of talk among the other youth and I shared the same thing with the girls. The shame is in the sin, but the child is a blessing from God. I pray that through you and Embrace Grace God will reveal His heart to these ladies and to the church who is sometimes ready to cast the first stone…
Heather, I loved reading your testimony and how looking back you can see Gods hand in it all. What a blessing you are to young girls in that same position. What God has redeemed in your life, He is faithful to redeem in the lives of others who faithfully love and trust Him. It hasn’t been an easy road, but WOW, the lives that are being saved and changed because of it….well worth it!!! I love you girl! Can’t wait for all the rest of the amazing things God has in store for you and your family!
Heather! What an amazing testimony! I am truly blessed by reading it. God is going to use you to minister to so many women.
Thank you for sharing your story. It was very inspirational.
Beautiful ! What an Amazing testimony so real Thanks for sharing your heart .