Several months ago I woke up from a dream that I could not get out of my head.  Have you ever had this happen to you and you spent a good part of your day recalling the dream and trying to remember more of it?  Or sometimes I even like to play “finish your own dream” and create different scenarios in my head to finish my dream that I was awakened from before I finished dreaming it.  Now that’s fun!  But back to the dream that I couldn’t get out of my head.  I was at some sort of conference.  I’m not sure what the conference was for, where I was at or even who I was with.  The strange thing was it was outside and the “classes” were in camping tents.  Let’s just pause right here.  Anyone that knows me knows that I consider staying at the Motel 6 camping so the idea of me going to a conference in an outdoor camping tent (with bugs, spiders, dirt and no AC!) is just …  just …  well, it’s just ridiculous!  But back to the dream.  So in my dream we were to go to classes in the tent and I walked up and a lady said to me “Do you struggle with needing approval or feeling loved?” She pointed to the tents and said “That one’s Approval and that one’s Feeling Loved.”  I looked at her and without hesitation said “Oh, I’ll definitely go to the approval tent.  I don’t have any issues with feeling loved.”

CHIRP!  CHIRP!  CHIRP!  CHIRP!  CHIRP!  CHIRP!  And so went the sound of my alarm clock and the end of my dream.  I got up out of bed ready to start my day but the “tent dream” was still in my head.  I knew immediately there was more to this dream then just another random confirmation of my love for all things indoor.  I knew in my spirit God wanted to finish this dream.  So, I asked the Lord, “Lord, what do you want to tell me about this dream?  What does this mean?”  Silence.  So as any woman (poised with a daily quota of a mouth full of words) would do when the response is silence I continued on.  “Lord, I know I have always struggled with the need for approval. I know I wear my Scarlet Letter A (standing for Approval that is). I don’t want to be this way.  I know you are the only one I need approval from.  Help me to remember this every day.  Is that what you wanted to show me Lord?” I asked.  Silence.  So I went on with my day with a sense that there was more to this dream than what I was able to see.

Days went by and each day I would think about this dream and ponder the word approval.  I could not get this silly dream out of my head for weeks and each time I would think about it the word approval kept flashing in my head in neon lights (well, bright pink actually … it’s my favorite).  During this time I was also praying about what God would have me write for my next post on Destiny in Bloom (yes, that would be the one you are reading now ).  Again, the silly dream and the word approval kept coming back.  Immediately, I told the Lord He must have something better for me to write about.  After all, why would I want to tell a bunch of people that I struggle with the need for approval?!? Isn’t that like sending a diabetic to work in a candy shop!  Can’t I write about something a little less personal, like someone else’s problems?  I think you’ve probably figured out by this point who won the little argument about what I’d write about.  But, even having a topic for my blog post wasn’t the point of my dream.

The Lord had something bigger to show me about my dream (I’m just blessed to get to share it with you).  After weeks of praying, pondering, purposing (yeah, I don’t really know what purposing means I just wanted to go with the letter P theme) He spoke!  The Lord, that is, not my husband.  Although he does speak.  Ahem.  The Lord spoke to me and said, “Do you think it is a coincidence that the other tent is for those that have a hard time feeling loved?  You know, the one that you ‘don’t have any issues with’?”  I thought about it and I didn’t really think there was any correlation at first.  Then came the revelation.  While it may be true that I have struggled with needing approval from others that is not the root issue.  There was a correlation between the two tents.  One was the root problem and the other was just a symptom of the root problem.

Struggling with the need for approval from others is just a symptom of not being able to fully receive the love that our Father so freely gives.  Does this mean I’m not a Christian?  Or maybe that you aren’t a Christian if you struggle with the same thing?  With a loud shout, “No!”  It means I’m a sinner saved by grace working out my salvation and all that it fully means.  You see we are imperfect people filled with all sorts of misconceptions, hurts, “baggage”, etc.  before we come to accept Christ as our Savior.  After we accept Him as our Savior, guess what … we are still imperfect people!  Our Father is so loving and gracious to change us and show us areas where we are living “below the poverty line” so to speak.  Here is what He showed me.  My opinion of myself reflects my opinion of the one who created me.  To me this translated that if I do not receive the fullness of the Love of my sweet Savior how can I ever expect to love myself and in turn not seek that love from other people?  That Scarlet Letter A that I had been wearing for so many years is no longer necessary.  My Savior poured out his blood all over that Scarlet Letter A when he died on the cross for me and He took it and gave me a Crimson Letter A.  But, this Letter A stands for Approved.  His act of love on the cross is the cure for my “love” problem and all of its symptoms.  I had all of this “knowledge” in my head I just needed it to be supernaturally shifted to my heart.  And THAT is exactly what happened.
“God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them.  And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect.” 1 John 4:16-17

As I was thinking about this I thought back to when I was 15 years old and was in an accident.  Because I don’t need your approval anymore I am not embarrassed to say that I was 15 years old and in a BICYCLE accident! My sister and I were babysitting for a little girl and every day we would take bike rides.  We were riding on a narrow sidewalk and somehow my sister’s wheel on her bike got caught on my wheel and caused me to fall off.  When I fell I landed on the wheel of one of the bikes and the screw gashed my leg open.  Like any normal 15 & 16 year olds would do in a bicycle emergency we called 911!  I got to take a nice little ambulance ride to go get 13 stitches in my leg.  My parents were at work at the time so they met us at the hospital.  As the ambulance backed up to the hospital I could see my Dad standing there waiting for the ambulance doors to open.  He had only gotten a call that I was being brought by ambulance to the hospital so he had no idea what was wrong with me.  He stood there with tears in his eyes as the doors to the ambulance opened.  And there I sat on the stretcher grinning from ear to ear as I had just taken a ride with what I thought was a “hot” paramedic.  I looked at my Dad and he was so relieved that it was just a cut on my leg.  I can’t explain to you the look in his eyes that communicated his deep love for me.  When thinking back on this the Lord reminded me that although my earthly Father’s love for me was SO SO great it doesn’t even begin to compare to the way He feels about me.  I got my stitches and went on about my 15 year old ways with a great story to tell. When my stitches came out I had a nice scar in the middle of my leg in the shape of a backwards “L”.  But when I look in the mirror now I see it the correct way.  I see it as an “L” and just another reminder that I have been stamped (permanently) with His Love!

If you do struggle with a particular problem, be it the need for approval (Psalm 139:13), self-image (Genesis 1:27), fear (1 John 4:18), eating disorders (Jeremiah 31:3) or whatever, I challenge you to look deeper.  Consider the possibility that your “problem” could just be a symptom.  Ask the Lord to show you.  I have no doubt that He will.  And be ready for how He shows you … He is fun, creative and has a great sense of humor!

Kelli Jones