The Perfect Family
posted on September 18th, 2009 / by Tomi Jarrell / 32 CommentsI was chatting with some moms the other day listening to their stories about the challenges they were having with their husbands and kids, when all of a sudden the thought struck me – I HAVE THE PERFECT FAMILY! Now you may be thinking, “she is awfully bold in making such a statement,” but hear me out on this one – If you came to my home and passed by my daughters cluttered room, saw the dirty dishes in the sink and heard the 4 year old pitching a fit from the back room you might wonder about my idea of perfect. After all isn’t perfect without flaw, faultless? Not in my house it isn’t, perfect around here is the process and the people God is using to help us to look, act and think more like He does. Romans 12:1-2 says, “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” The perfect will of God, well my family is the perfect will of God for me and my life.
For example – when one of my daughters was two there was something in my heart that began to react in anger to the circumstances and situations around me and I could see the reflection of this anger in her heart as well. I finally came to the conclusion that I could not penetrate her heart without first dealing with my own. God used this most amazing two-year-old to help me confront my anger, deal with it, leave it at the feet of Jesus and learn to walk in healing and forgiveness. It took time, prayer, petition and great humility for me to realize that the problem was in me – I was the one with an anger issue and she was my little mirror. Walking out the next 4 years was challenging and humbling but by the time she had turned 6 both our lives were free from the stronghold of anger and a grace and delight encompassed our relationship with each other. I tell people, “Of all the people I know she gives me more grace than others because we both had to learn to receive God’s grace to overcome the anger in our hearts.”
When my daughters approached adolescence the fear that their lives would look like mine during those formative years began to grip my heart. My parents divorced when I turned 12 and I remember the loneliness, the emptiness, the feeling of having no place where I belonged and the road those feelings led to when I left for college. I was fearful their lives would be a reflection of my wrong choices and I wanted so desperately to keep them from the heartache and grief I had experienced. As we began to walk the road to adulthood God gave me a new picture of His plan for their lives and the sense of well-being that each of them would gain their confidence from their identity in Him and that it would shape the person they were becoming. God took my broken years and past and through prayer and hard work he made something new and wonderful for my daughters – it became clear to me that not only was he giving them a future and a hope he was also giving me a new future and a hope in my own life as well.
Now the men in my life, they don’t think like me, act like me or smell like me and because of that they are constantly challenging me to get out of my box and live life to the fullest. My husband is the perfect man for me – God knew I would need a man to pray for me to be seasoned in the Lord, a man who would not try to fix me but would allow God to do the fixing and a man who never let a day be boring – no we are on the ride of our life a daily walk in trusting the One who brought us together.
One of my son’s has taught me to laugh at myself, helping me to get over myself and to let joy enter my heart and life. He is a quality time child and to sit and play with him brings him great delight, I am an acts of service kind of girl and so learning to speak his love language has made me die to myself and many of my “idealistic” expectations about priorities and the stack of dirty dishes in the sink – you see perfect to me means the dishes would never be there, but love to him says “forget the dishes for a minute and let’s play a game”. I have to set aside my list of to dos and love him today while I still have today with him.
Another son helps me to stop and smell the roses; his laid back personality reminds me that all of life is not a race and that sometimes taking a few extra minutes to enjoy the journey is as important as getting to my destination. My third son challenges me in every way – he wants to be big and then suddenly he wants to be little (big if his older siblings are getting to do something without him, little if he has to unload the dishwasher by himself) But don’t I do the same thing with God, “God today I am big and I can conquer the world, oh but that hurt so now I am little and need You to come help me pick up the mess I just made.”
Like I said, I have the perfect family, a perfect mess and perfect for me. Perfectly able to be used by God to shape me into becoming the person he wants for me to be – perfectly able to help me die to myself and learn to love outside my abilities and let Him love through me, and you know what? I am the perfect wife for my husband and the perfect mom for each of my kids as well, the one He called to instill into them some of my strengths, to help them with recognizing our weaknesses and letting Him be strong in us and the perfect wife and mom to love, pray and walk with them on this journey called Life. I bet you have the perfect family and you are the perfect one for them as well.
Tomi fell in love at the age of 21 with her Savior and has followed her Lord Jesus Christ since that time. She is a native Texan who currently lives in North Richland Hills with her husband, Darrell. They have been married for 171/2 years and together they have five children – ages sixteen, thirteen, ten, six & four years old. Tomi enjoys writing, teaching, reading, date night with hubby and the occasional night off to laugh with other women about the ups and downs of life and the goodness of God.
Read more from Tomi at:
http://redroseinbloom.wordpress.com
Dear Tomi,
What a wonderful testimony. It was as if I was reading 1 Cor 13: the love chapter in real-time. 1 Cor 13:12 … “Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.” Your perfect is in HIM fully known.
Enjoyed peeking into your busy fun wonderful life!
Love,
Mary Jo
I bet you have the gift of encouragement. God’s eternal good mood is all over this.
I love how you set my perspective straight today. I belong right where I am. And I will grow into who I need to be because those around me belong right where they are. How can something so simple be so profound?!
Tomi
Perfect!! I love your honesty and willingness to show a picture in which He is made perfect in your weaknesses. You have learned some important things along the way, and walked them out with real integrity. Thanks for putting your own walk out there for all of us to see. I love the part about working on the stuff in your own heart to address it in your kids life. That’s invaluable stuff right there.
Great writing, great truth
Tomi,
This totally blessed my day!! I also have the perfect family that God has given me! He knew exactly what He was doing when He put Rob and I together!:) He gave us four very unique and precious children who challenge me to become the person God has called me to be. Your words were so relatable. What a great message on turning every day circumstances in your life into a character building lesson for yourself!
This was a golden nugget in my book!:) Love you Tomi!
~Maree
Tomi,
Thanks for being so candid. It is a perspective that I needed to hear right now in this exact moment. Thankfully, He promises to complete the work that He started in us!
Blessings!
Wow! This is exactly what I needed to hear today! All week God has been working on me on most of the little scenarios you mentioned with your kids! I’ve been trying to wrap my brain around what it is He wants me to do to be the best Mommy/Wife and deal with all the differences/chaos of 4 uniquely wonderful little people! You just summed it all up for me! Thank you so much!
I needed that encouragment today!Thanks Tomi for sharing your life with us! Love you!
Janeil
Precious friend, this was beautiful and timely! Thank you for sharing, loving and living out your life to the glory of Jesus! May He refresh you today as you have refreshed so many!
Tomi-
Beautifully put. Thank you for opening your life for us to learn by.
Absolutely priceless! I love love love your heart and this message from the Lord! Thank you for your transparency and for your encouragement:) I needed the reminder that we are a perfect blend of imperfection working together in His perfect grace. Thanks, again…..this mama appreciated it!
With Joy-
Stacy Durham
Awesome! Thanks for the fresh perspective! A new way to look at my family… perfect for God’s purposes in me!
Wow, Tomi, this is so from your heart and I desire for all “moms” to hear your heart and see their family through Father’s eyes. You have also encouraged me to embrace the “individuality ” of my grown children as well as each of my grandchildren. And to understand I am the exact “Honey” God wanted them to have and that each of them is the grandchild he chose specifically for me. Keep writing. This is so powerful!
When I read your words, I SOOOOO resonated with all you wrote…except your words have managed to tweak my perspective on Perfect, and I’m so glad they did. I believe that you and I are much alike…acts of service is what we speak naturally, yet we are both surrounded by family members who speak a different language. I, too, can see so vividly the languages of my children and my husband, and their languages require me to stay outside of my box on a consistent basis…something that is just not natural for me.
I applaud you for defining perfect as “the process”. What a necessary shift in thought.
And now I can see that I, too, have the PERFECT family. I would bet that you have helped others see that same perspective.
Many blessings!
So needed to hear this today. Thank you!
Hi Tomi,
How grateful I am to receive this wonderful perspective today! God has been speaking the same sorts of things to my heart, but here they are in words! Your humble heart before the Lord and your family is such a great example for all of us to follow.
Thank you also, for speaking into my life this February… I am seeing your words (His words) beginning to take shape! Be encouraged! You see Him and hear His voice so clearly!
Blessings!
Tomi, thank you for these sweet & precious words from your heart. Your perspective of perfect is so freeing! Children truly are a gift from God, a powerful and pure gift. Thank you for refreshing wives and mothers today!
Wow! I think I have the perfect family TOO!!!
as I read your blog especially the part about the 2 year old daughter I felt lighter. It took my son and I until he was 8 years old for us to get it but I’m happy to learn from your example that this change isn’t just a phase but that at least that particular battle is behind us. ( it has been brutal but at least without fatalities) ;p
Anyway, great, encouraging blog reminding me to relax and enjoy my family without striving for idealism.
Tomi, thank you for a timely reminder–full of truth–well-written–convicting.
Tomi !
You are the Best !!! I couldn’t have choosen a better Wife for my son nor a better Mom for my Grandchildren. I have always felt you brought out the Best in Darrell and helped him accomplish so much spiritually and as a father. This insite was wonderful. Thank You for being so open in sharing with others and loving God enough to open yourself to Him in every area. We have all benifited from your walk with the Lord. Of course I think your family it perfect too !!!
I truly enjoyed reading about what the Lord is doing in you and has done in your life and in the lives of my Grandchildren. I thank the Lord for You. You are Special !!! Love, Joy
Isn’t it great how God gives us little mirrors to gently teach us as we teach our children!! Great perspective! It hit my heart today in a sweet way! Thanks for sharing your life with us “moms” .
Tomi!
I agree with Joy, you are the best.! I had chosen you for my son as well, but it definitely seems God had a much better plan. If we allow him, God will use many people to knock the rough edges off. It is nice to see an example where the rough edge honing was two way in dealing with your children. I am so blessed to know you. Keep with the writing. You are VERY good at it. God bless you.
Tomi, you are a wise, wise woman! Thank you for showing us your heart and giving me just the perspective I needed on this very day!
Praise God for perfect families. Thanks for sharing with us, Tomi.
It is like the perfect explosion and the perfect placement of all the debris. Oh, that’s the boy’s side of the house I’m thinking about.
I love the word picture of your vision of perfect. I can see this same “perfect” at work in my business and my friends as well. Great word honey!
I love you more today than yesterday!
Darrell
really enjoyed your blog! I can so relate on so many levels. Thank you for sharing your family and helping us to lighten up about our own! I often tell my kids there’s no such thing as perfect, yet strive for my own ‘perfection’! You are right, we are our own ‘perfect’ for each other!
Tomi, Loved the thoughts of your heart. You are a gifted communicator and I’m believing we haven’t seen the last of your words in print!! There is a treasure of God given wisdom in you, to be shared for the glory of our God! Love you, dear friend! Sally
Tomi,
I don’t even know where to begin …
I guess it’s been three years ago now … I saw you from across the room and God was like, “I’m doing something here. Keep your eye on it. You have something to glean from here.” Of course He IS God and always right but the more I have had the opportunity to know you my life has been the richer for it. Your love for the Father alone … then the fruit that has come from your closet places with Him … thank you. On behalf and with all the DIB writers … thank you so much for writing for and sharing your heart with our readers!!! And on a personal note thanks for being my friend and a Mommy sounding board that always directs me to Him in the way of gaining my children’s hearts. I love you!
~Ris
Dear Sweet Lady,
Keep it up girl! The wisdom you pour out is priceless as usual!
I love the process of my perfect family too. This week especially, I needed the reminder that I just might be perfect for them too.
I cherish the treasure you are to me. I agree with Ris, my life is richer knowing and growing with you as my friend. PLEASE put more of your wisdom and life lessons to ink and share them with the world. Then they could be like apples of gold in pitchers of silver over and over again as they are read and re-read, passed on and shared again.
Love you!
Me
Dearest Tomi,
Once again, you’ve blown me away! This was just another moment of sitting at your feet and being filled with gracious encouragement regarding the family front of life…Such candid and real visuals you offer from within your four walls with God’s Word so appropriately complimenting and bringing refreshing perspective and promise. This was SO for me today… After an exhausting one with my bunch, I am smiling as I realize, despite it all, we are the perfect family, too! LOVE THAT!
and Love you!
(Let me know where to catch you at your first book signing!)
Leah
Tomi, I’m realizing how many *sisters* I have! :0) Thank you for sharing this. Funny, this is EXACTLY what God is working out in my own family. This is just a confirmation of some recent events in my own family. Just earlier this week I had a situation with our oldest and my husband knew it. When he got home, he asked how the day was, and she began to say, “Augh! She’s so…….” He just began to laugh and then said, “God so knew what he was doing when He made our family. He gives us JUST what we need!” I was shocked at first, then it made me laugh as well. He does put people in our lives to work things out of us. If only we could ALWAYS remember that in the moments where you feel like pulling your hair out…or theirs! ;0) It’s refreshing to know there are always others that have walked, or are walking, the same things out. Thanks for sharing, Tomi….you’re a jewel! Love you, girl-
Tomi-
Thanks for sharing you heart! I love learning from you in everyday life!
love you,
vicki
Wow, Tomi! That was really great! I can SO relate to being an acts of service girl and having some quality time people in my family!
I love your definition of perfect. I’m going to start using that definition when I’m tempted to be perfectionistic in my own life.
Love ya,
Joanna