The Little Things
posted on March 17th, 2010 / by Kris Beauchamp / 34 CommentsThis morning I had six young women to my house as I have done almost every Wednesday for the past eight years. The group shifts and changes from time to time but what we all have in common is that we are all ministry wives – our husbands are pastors, or are in ministry of some kind, and we are all (okay, they are all) young women with little children at home.
We meet together to learn about life and marriage and raising children and how to do it in the fishbowl of the church. We grow in maturity, in spirit, in wisdom and in friendship. We share one another’s burdens and sorrows and enjoy one another’s happinesses with glad hearts. We encourage one another, empathize with one another and pray for one another. There is always riotous laughter and often we are dabbing our eyes and blowing our noses either from merriment or heartache. This is what we call “doing life together!”
Today we were discussing the needs of our husbands, one being recreational companionship. We often think that means sitting beside them on the couch watching a football game – but it’s so much more than that!
My husband is a bowhunter and has been ever since we’ve been married. (I find it interesting that I didn’t know about that hobby before we tied the knot! Ha!) I told these women about the first (and last) time I ever went hunting with him – I almost ended up dead – from him wanting to push me out of the tree! Talk about boisterous laughter!
One gal shared that when her husband’s golfing partner switched jobs and couldn’t golf on Saturdays any more, she mentioned to him that she’d be willing to learn how to golf so he wouldn’t have to give up his Saturday golfing. The next day when she got home from work, he had a set of pink golf clubs, a pair of pink golfing shoes, a pink skirt … all so she could join him! That’s recreational companionship at its best! Of course we all joked that it didn’t matter how she golfed because just her being there in that pink skirt was meeting another of his basic needs, having an attractive wife!
Then another young mom shared that our conversation was really causing her to think. She said that some of the things we were talking about were helping her realize that it can be little things we do that can mean so much to our husband. That phrase, little things, arrested my attention.
You see, I wrote a children’s book as I was fighting cancer that is entitled, Little Things. It’s about the smallest things in life that bring joy and security and love to us.
Noticing and enjoying the little things has become a paramount principle by which I live my life. After traveling through the valley of the shadow of death twice in the last decade, I try to notice as many little parcels of hope that I can. These are kind gifts from the hand of God, presented every day, whether or not we are aware. I don’t want to miss anything: the stunning kingfisher perched on a line near a pond I pass daily, or the cardinals and woodpeckers that frequent ourfeeders, a toothless grin on a child’s face, or the sunset making a glorious sky-painting – every one of these things causes me to rejoice that I’m alive to enjoy them and to praise God for his astounding creativity!
Back to our small group conversation about the little things as they relate to our marriages …
Little kindnesses and connections make all the difference! Hugs as we greet at the end of the day, lingering glances across the table, holding hands in the car, putting the toothpaste on your spouse’s toothbrush in the morning, tucking a note in their car, or any number of little things can be such a delight! It isn’t necessarily the big getaways or gifts, rather, it’s the accumulation of all the little things that make up a lovely life.
Conversely, it’s the little things we overlook or fail to do that can cause our marriages to falter. Song of Solomon 2:15 says, “Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom.” The commentary on this verse in my ESV Bible says, “Foxes are pests that wreak havoc in vineyards (e.g. they will eat the grapes). Although the vineyard has been associated with the appearance of the woman (1:6), here it is described as our vineyards …” referring to our marriage relationships. The little foxes are the little things that sneak in and undermine our love and commitment to each other.
Little foxes. Little pests. Little annoying habits, attitudes or behaviors. Unresolved grievances can eat away at our relationships like tarnish on a silver tray. It just takes a tiny microbe to make us sick.
Finding and focusing on the little things is crucial to enjoying a strong solid marriage and a healthy, happy life. Locate the little areas that you need to work on while looking for little delights to savor and salute at the same time.
Paying attention to the little things will make all the difference.
Kris is a writer and author of three childrens books. She’s been happily married to her college sweetheart for almost 28 years and going strong! She is privileged to be the mother of two amazing kids, Blake 21 and Bailey 17. She is a two-time cancer survivor, having spent the better part of the last decade in the battle. Kris and her family reside in Omaha, Nebraska where her husband is the senior pastor of a large interdenominational church. Because she’s passionate about nurturing young mothers, she’s been leading a small group of pastors wives for 8 years. Kris adores her family, reading books, cooking, being awestruck by creation, playing games (and winning) and enjoying all kinds of chocolate!
You can read more by Kris at: http://yourfriendkris.com
This is right on! When I went through the darkest time in my life the little things often made or broke my day. A smile, a card, a phone call or a hey how are you I am thinking of you! The days are busy and I know sometimes I get hurried and distracted and forget this with the very people that I care about the most. Thank you for your reminder!
Love this! Beautifully written (of course) and such a simple truth by which to live. I believe that as we acknowledge the little things in life as communication from God, our faith is being built up for when the big things happen. Kris you are beautiful women inside and out! So glad you shared this part of your heart with us! Blessings to you and Les!
Kris~ I loved this! First of all, I love that you've been doing a bible study for 8 years with ministry wives. As a ministry wife myself, I know how important this area is. And I think what you have to say about The Little Things is so important too. Sometimes we get caught up in the busyness in life and many find themselves waking up and wondering who that is in the bed next to them or how did they get to that place. Thanks for encouraging us to find the little things each day to nurture our relationship with our spouse. Little things are big things to them
Blessings to you! Celeste
Thanks so much for this great encouragement today! It really IS about the little things in life! Big "romantic getaways" can be nice but it's really the daily little ways we show love that keep the fire burning! Thanks for this great reminder!
What a great reminder to keep the little things in mind. I'm going to make a point today to not let the little things pass me by. Thanks for the post!
Thanks for that reminder! So very, very well said!
thank u. really small things make a Big difference.
The little things really are so important and especially when we focus on the good little things rather then the petty. But I really want to tell you how impressed I am that you have committed to Pastors wives for the last eight years! As a former PW I know from my own experience as well as from my friends who are also married to pastors how isolated the "fish bowl" can be. The fact that you have established with these ladies a trust so that they have a place to be real and grow is a BIG thing indeed! Blessings to you and I pray that your example will lead others to do the same.
Kris, this is a great message for marriage AND life! It's true that we find so much more joy when we slow down for the little things. Thanks for reminding us.
Beautiful lady inside and out. Thanks for sharing-you have a wonderful attitude and well written blog. So enjoyed that!
Holly
Loved it. Not only am I challenged to work on making even the little things meaningful, but it is encouraging to remember how important the little things truly are. We all need gentle reminders at making each day special. Thanks,
Danielle
Thanks for reminding us to pay attention to lifes little details that can bring such happiness to our hearts and our marriages.
When you focus on the positive you net positive! Thank you for reminding us to take the time to do the little things in life that show how much we appreciate, love, respect and care for our husbands. It's these little things that keep us close.
Thanks again for your wisdom and encouragement! So beautifully written. I need the Lord to remind me constantly about all the "little things." Laily does the best job of focusing on the little things around us and I want to be back at that childlike place. I want to slow down and focusing on the little things both in the life around me and in my marriage.
You are so welcome! Thanks for reading! Have a great day full of delightful little treasures!
I like the way you put that, the little things as communication from God. He communicates his love for us all day long if we will only be looking!
Thanks for reading and thanks for you kind encouragement!
Hi Celeste,
Thank you for your encouraging words!
Hi Rebecca,
Fish bowl living is not for the faint of heart! Thanks for your encouragement!
=) You are so welcome!
Thank you so much! You've brightened my day!
I agree. I think that sometimes we live on auto-pilot, but when we choose to be intentional about looking at life with new eyes and noticing little things, we really live. We feel and enjoy and experience a fuller and richer life! May you experience that today!
Renee, you are right about little details bringing happiness! Sometimes we can get in such a funk if something doesn't turn out like we want, but when we look for little things to be thankful for, it puts everything else in perspective and brings joy and happiness to our hearts! Blessings to you today!
It's so true isn't it! Our little ones are great examples to follow when it comes to absolute elation over the littlest things! They are such a gift to re-teach us how to delight in God! Today's a great day to go out and discover the little plants popping up from the dirt – just watch her amazement and join in! Love you Shireen!
Sheree, I remember you telling me about trying to go for a walk with Jackson and how he kept stopping to admire each pebble, each stone; making your 'walk' a lengthy and laborious experience! Ha! I think of that often and how that must have brought joy to God's heart! (As you were trying to stir up and express the same excitement about rocks!) You're a good mom!
Kelli, you are so very welcome! Have a great day enjoying the little things!
Kris,
First I want to thank you for writing for us! Your piece was absolutely inspiring while tucking nuggets of practical truths about our husbands in our hearts! I loved it!
Of course I read these ahead of time … I remember ready about the pink golf clubs (that would so be me;) and talking to the Lord saying, my husband would never buy himself tickets to a fight (he is into UFC and only the defining boxing fights) and then I get a call from him an hour later that a friend dropped off tickets to the world's heavy weight championship fight for him. I was like do you want me to go with you? It was the sweetest and funniest time I've had getting on my husband's side of life in long time. Your words in this blog inspired me to give my whole heart to it. I love how God used you in these words:)
A So-You-Think-You-Can-Dance girl married to a UFC boy thanks you and with Great gratitude and LOVE!
~Ris
You are such a wonderful person…I am so glad you are in my life!! Your words are amazing and beautifully written, thanks for sharing your heart and for your encouragement. Love You, Sarah
You made my day!
=) Kris
Your book "Little Things" inspired me! It is one of my favorites to read with my young children, neices and nephews. Thank you for reminding me again to be aware and seize the little moments, acts of love and kindness, and, and simple words that keep my marriage fresh and alive.
You are an amazing writer!
Thanks so much! You touch my heart! =) k
Kris, the insight and the wisdom, with which you write is truly a gift from God. You live life for REAL and that is what I love about you. Thank you for being obedient in sharing your talents with us…. You are an amazing woman of GOD. Thank you, thank you.
Thanks, Sarah, for encouraging me! =) k
Kris, knowing your sweet family for so many years and watching you walk through all that you have, I am so astounded at your strength, your resilience and your overwhelming passion to love God and others. It is so evident in your life and your writings. "Little Things" is one of my kids favorite books because it just so happened that all the little things you mentioned ARE my kids favorites…especially bacon at breakfast and warm cookies!
So as I read your article about the little things I was so encouraged to really pay attention to what I can do to love Todd better and how I can have that same resilience to make sure no little thing comes between our promise to love each other to the fullest. You are a beautiful writer but an even more beautiful woman.
Blynda, your words to me are warmth to my spirit! Thank you for taking the time to write and bless me! You are a delight! Kiss your babies for me!
=) Kris