Destiny In Bloom

Screwed Up

Screwed Up

posted on September 26th, 2012 / by Marissa Star / 17 Comments

Marissa and I started our relationship with a plethora of baggage. We both came from broken families. We were both ex-drug addicts. We were both hurt at one point or another. We like to say we were broken. In fact, we still say that today. We know we are still a work in progress.

I think it was the fact that we told each other we were broken that gave us a realistic starting point in our relationship. We knew that our marriage would have a rough start. We knew that we would have to work out our issues. And we knew that it was going to be a lot of work. Because of our past, we knew the ideal of a “perfect marriage” was simply not ever going to happen. In many ways I think that the brutal honesty of our past has helped us in our present relationship. Marissa knows I have things I’m stilling working out. She knows that I didn’t have a Father role model growing up. I didn’t have someone showing me what it meant to be a good husband or a good father. She knows I’m still working it out … and she gives me the grace to do so. I still come to her and say, “in some area of my life I’m screwed up, will you still have me.””  ~Yuri Star

My husband recently came home and told me of a conversation he had with a friend. We were sitting in our master bathroom after we put our four boys to bed, (this way we were hidden and had plausible deniability if any of them got up, because they were not sleeping) to steal a few one-on-one moments together to share the happenings of our day with each other.

He spoke to me the very words I asked him to write above. Every word so honest, so true to who we are and have always been, it took my breath away. Then he looked straight at me, deep into my eyes and said again, “I’m screwed up, I’m still working some things out … will you have me?”

My eyes glossed over, my chest got all warm as I said, “Yes, of course I’ll have you … you know I’m messed up … will you still have me?”

With his calm, confident, “Yes.” And with a warm smile of assurance, which is a classic look my husband gives …  my heart exhaled.

It exhaled.

Because I knew we were no longer the two people who stood at the alter some 13 years ago. I don’t throw things anymore when I get angry (by God’s grace) and he doesn’t walk out of the room when he can’t translate my tears. We have come so far.

He is an amazingly wise father for not having a father because God fathered him and sent men who showed him an example and took him under their wing.

And yet we are aware that we walk with some areas of our life that we can classify as “just-a-beginning” or a “messy middle” place where we need God.

We also celebrate together areas of our lives where we have experienced many “it is finished … the end of story” victories, because we are grateful to a God that has been faithful to walk us through it.

Whether you are married or not, we all have a place where we are screwed up, a place we see that we need God.

A place if we are willing to live vulnerable enough to say to God, … “will you have me?” God says, “Yes! Not only will I have you … I choose you! My mercies are new every morning … today is the day of my salvation.”

We are in need of being saved daily by the amazing grace of a loving God. Grace is not a one time hand-out when we ask Jesus into our hearts, it’s a buffet we are invited to feast at daily.

And now I talk to the married men and women, will you lift your eyes again to rest on your spouse right where they are … looking on their victories, current battles and new journeys with fresh eyes … things that remain for your eyes only.

Not eyes that ignore what they see, but having seen say, … “I choose you.”

And having eyes that see deep into your own heart can also say, “In some areas of my life, I’m still finding God and I’m screwed up … will you still have me?” … again.

17 Responses to “Screwed Up”

  1. Yes yes !! Such greatness in this piece because of two people willing to be vulnerable with themselves , eachother and the world!! I love how you related at the end that this is how God sees us too…
    So uplifting and encouraging for all of us- thanks for sharing your raw beauty with the world special woman!!!! Heart you both….

  2. In a world of so many 'Believers' who play perfect and judge everything they assume they understand – your story of vulnerability and imperfection is PERFECT. What a beautiful example of unconditional love – real life, real love having a real impact !

  3. Very encouraging Marissa! Thank you for being real and offering hope to many couples. This is a good reminder to all married couples, even me at 33 years of marriage. Twist a great question to ask your spouse.

  4. Love. This girl! Because of tge truth in your vulnerability your marriage flourished and the fact that you are sharing will give God the glory to bless so many relationships single or married! You're rocking the house!!

  5. Such a good reminder Marissa. Thanks to you and your husband for writing it. I was broken and had all sorts of baggage, but in the beginning I wasn't even mature enough or I was in denial to talk about it. I was ashamed. And my husband also had baggage we didn't know he had but God so sweetly revealed to him through mentors. So to hear and be reminded of the grace we need for those areas that we're still working on is SO good!!!! Just what I needed for today and every day :-) love, April

  6. This is so encouraging, it spoke right to my heart. Thank you!

  7. Love it! Very inspiring and encouraging.

  8. So beautifully written, and so encouraging! I LOVE this, "I'm screwed up, will you still have me?" Thanks for the grace reminder- coming from a girl with a few suitcases of my own :)

  9. SO loved this! @marissastar & @yuristar this was truly fabulous, thank you!

  10. So very beautiful.

  11. LOVE this!

  12. In this truth lived out blog, Marissa and Yuri, is a prayer that shouts: "Eyes open, Ears hear, Hearts heal!" God wants to take the veil off of eyes that look to anything or anyone other than HIM to be the answer to our needs, wants, hurts, past, present, future … in this world He gives us life partners to love us right to the heart of God. I cried and prayed every sentence of this post Marissa, and pray it reaches deep into the hearts of HIS beloved bride and grooms – no matter how long the marriage past to a present with hope and a future with promise! PS in Bruce's wedding band (which he has not had off his finger in 33+ years) are the initials IAYWC I Accept You Without Change. Knowing I couldn't or didn't want to change HIM but knew we were on a journey of God changing transforming us daily!

  13. Awwh! I love this you guys! This is so amazing. I can't wait to
    share this with Steve'

  14. Sweet… sweet…. sweet! You always inspire my heart!

  15. Love Love Love!!! So glad y'all are using your marriage as a testimony for others!! Love you!

  16. Ditto….. Terry and I have been and come to this same place.

  17. I think this is the crux of every successful and loving marriage. I love love love love this article.