Destiny In Bloom

Pretty

Pretty

posted on March 4th, 2013 / by Heather Spivey / 14 Comments
Disclaimer: this is NOT my typical”how to” or “beauty” article… This also isn’t everyone’s view…just mine ;)
 

“My daughter will never be JUST pretty” – Me.

I can’t even figure out how to wrangle all the thoughts swimming around in my head right now but in all honestly it begins with the word PRETTY.

I remember being around 10 yrs old watching my grandmother and mother carefully apply their makeup before they would even think about leaving the house and thinking how pretty they looked. How movie stars were on a whole other “beauty” level…..sigh. If only someday I could look like that. To be that pretty and glamorous was my biggest dream in life.

Now let me paint a picture of what I looked like.
I was scrawny, stringy hair, freckled face, buck toothed with a gap and we can’t forget the uni-brow, Lord knows I never did! I did get that all fixed but I was teased mercilessly by other girls and rarely ever did anyone ever tell me I was pretty or even cute.
For a long time I also used makeup to cover up my real self, my real pretty. I would have given ANYTHING to just be pretty like someone in a magazine or in the movies.

Fast forward 23 years…. I’m now 5 1/2 months pregnant with a GIRL.
My whole adult life I’ve imagined what my future babies would be like and I never once, nope, not one single time did I think I would have a girl! I didn’t think God would do something like that to me.

I know that sounds horrible and mean but I’ve lived thru sexual, emotional, verbal and physical abuse, a severe eating disorder that I still struggle while starving myself for years, body dimorphic disorder to the point that its hard for me to look in a mirror. I’ve been previously married. Modeled and was approached by Guess, Maxim and Playboy. And I have done makeup for prom girls for 10 years and have heard exactly what they hide from their parents…. This list could go on and on and on.

My mind was so filled with all those things that it literally took me 3 or 4 days to accept that I was having a little girl and honestly, I got a little mad at God. Why would He do that to me? Late one night I was laying in bed thinking thru all those delightful past experiences and I cried out to my Heavenly Daddy and asked Him WHY? I guess I expected a big dramatic explanation but all I heard was,

“She’s not you or anyone else and she will be so much more than just pretty”.

I now realize the great gift God is giving my by allowing me to birth, nurture and mold my sweet baby girls life.

PRETTY:
A. Pleasing or attractive in a graceful or delicate way.

Pretty is not a dirty word. Pretty is not a social status. Pretty does not equal or define sexuality. Pretty is not made with makeup. Pretty does not define or add value to a person.

Right then and there I determined not to let my past define my baby Emma’s future!

She will be…

Godly:

a. Having great reverence for God; pious.

b. Divine.


Lovely:

a. Full of love; loving.

b. Inspiring love or affection.

c. Having beauty that appeals to the emotions as well as to the eye.

d. Enjoyable; delightful.


Beautiful:

a. Having qualities that delight the senses.

b. Excellent; wonderful.


Peaceful:

a. Undisturbed by strife, turmoil, or disagreement; tranquil.

b. Inclined or disposed to peace; peaceable.

c. Of or characteristic of a condition of peace.


(My fave:) Smart:

a. Characterized by sharp quick thought; bright.
b. Amusingly clever; witty: a smart quip; a lively, smart conversation.

c. Energetic or quick in movement: a smart pace.

d. Canny and shrewd in dealings with others: a smart negotiator.

e. Fashionable; elegant: a smart suit; a smart restaurant; the smart set.


Strong:

a. Having force of character, will, morality, or intelligence: a strong personality.


Annnnnd so many more things.
She will know what true beauty is and will be able to find, see and nurture beauty in others.
She will look at the women that surround her and will see what really beautiful women look like!

One day a couple weeks ago I found a video on YouTube that spoke to my soul and I’m attaching it to this.
I’m also adding the actual printed words at the bottom. Take a minute to watch the video. She has so much passion…watching her I actually FELT her word for word in my heart..

If you’ve never been in similar shoes it might be hard to relate to this and I might be judged for saying some of this and that’s ok. Even if you haven’t, maybe you will look at little girls in a new light.

You are the women our little girls, my little girl, will look up to for wisdom, grace and guidance.
You show them what’s truly pretty and beautiful! 

 

Here are the real faces of “Pretty”

 

Kate Makki “Pretty”
Ps. The end is where I want to do a church dance.

“Pretty”

When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother “What will I be? Will I be pretty? ” Will I be pretty? Will I be pretty? What comes next? Oh right, will I be rich which is almost pretty depending on where you shop. And the pretty question infects from conception passing blood and breath into cells. The word hangs from our mothers’ hearts in a shrill of fluorescent floodlight of worry.

“Will I be wanted? Worthy? Pretty? But puberty left me this funhouse mirror dry add: teeth set at science fiction angles, crooked nose, face donkey-long, and pox-marked where the hormones went finger-painting my poor mother.

“How could this happen? You’ll have porcelain skin as soon as we can see a dermatologist.” “You sucked your thumb. That’s why your teeth look like that! ” “You were hit in the face with a Frisbee when you were six, otherwise your nose would have been fine! ”

Don’t worry; we will get it all fixed she would say, grasping my face, twisting it this way and that as if it were a cabbage she might buy. But, this is not about her. Not her fault she, too, was raised to believe the greatest asset she could bestow upon her awkward little girl was a marketable appearance.

By sixteen I was pickled by ointments, medications, peroxides. Teeth corralled into steel prongs, laying in a hospital bed. Face packed with gauze, cushioning the brand new nose the surgeon had carved.

Belly gorged on two pints of my own blood I had swallowed under anesthesia, and every convulsive twist, like my body screaming at me from the inside out “What did you let them do to you? ” All the while, this never ending chorus groaning on and on like the IV needle dripping liquid beauty into my blood.

“Will I be pretty? ” Will I be pretty like my mother, unwrapping the gift wrap to reveal the bouquet of daughter her $10,000 bought her? Pretty? Pretty.

And now I have not seen my own face in ten years. I have not seen my own face in ten years, but this is not about me! This is about the self-mutilating circus we have painted ourselves clowns in. About women who will prowl thirty stores in six malls to find the right cocktail dress, but haven’t a clue where to find fulfillment or how to wear joy, wandering through life shackled to a shopping bag, beneath those two pretty syllables.

This, this is about my own some-day daughter. When you approach me, already stung-stayed with insecurity, begging, “Mom, will I be pretty? Will I be pretty? , ” I will wipe that question from your mouth like cheap lipstick and answer no.

The word pretty is unworthy of everything you will be, and no child of mine will be contained in five letters. You will be pretty intelligent, pretty creative, pretty amazing, but you will never be merely “pretty.”

About The Author

Heather Spivey

Heather Nycole Spivey's passion is to help women see their own beauty, help them feel beautiful and teach them how to accomplish it themselves. As a make-up artist and the owner of HeatherNycole.com she gets the opportunity to realize that passion often. Heather has done make-up for over 200 weddings, many different music video's, runway shows, independent films, ministries such as Kenneth Copeland Ministries, Jerry Savelle Ministries, and CFN Music, worked with brands like Integrity Music, NFL, Nike, Yum Foods and Nokia. Heather is the new wife of JD Spivey, a huge New Orleans Saints fan and cherishes time at home with her hubby and pups : Jaxson, an adorable Chihuahua, Izzie, a new sweet rescue Chihuahua and Gus an Aussie/Blue Heeler mix. (Yes he was named after the mouse in Cinderella!)

Heather Spivey

14 Responses to “Pretty”

  1. I can't even say how much I love this…and how much it challenges me to really examine the deeply held beliefs in my heart. You know, the things I don't want to believe and even more- don't want to admit that I believe.
    Posting a makeup-less pic was hard but in a good way, a year ago I wouldn't have done it. Would have been sick to my stomach just thinking about it. Now I asked to join you, you didnt even have to ask!
    Even so, even with the growth in this area, reading this and really examining my heart I see how much I still need Jesus to come in and clean out this area… I can't wait to see where we are this time next year love! Muah!

  2. Heather…sending this today to my own daughter…who also struggles…with that ugly word:pretty. THIS. SPEAKS. VOLUMES.

    My own MiL, with a contorted face, was SO disappointed to even think that i might have a granddaughter…rather than a grandson…for her…with her own issues…with pretty. Just saying.

    Yes, I did have the "mommy makeover" this time last year…my own jacked up self…for what???? So I could be pretty? Mother In Law…again…asked if I could reverse the procedure…as she still couldn't SEE me pretty. Big Cry.

    YESSSSS…where WILL we be this time next year, kingdom sisters???? Validation is in JESUS plus nothing…will I…can I…ever learn that lesson this side of eternity?

    Thank you for honesty, boldness, and reflection…you have NO idea how deeply this spoke to moi…sadly and thankfully. Blessings as you let HIM who is greater in you than he that is in the pretty world define your own…PRETTY! And, for that of your daughter's. Bless you both!!!

  3. Oh my, I was so excited when I saw my friends' faces on facebook this morning, and they had no makeup on! And I had to find out why since I was thinking just last week: I want to put my un-made face on facebook to show young girls out there that we are more than a face, and hope they understand that they are way more than what the outside looks like or the world tries to label them. And then there they are! Thank you so much, what a great article, loved the video, and my pic is coming soon! Blessings!

  4. I was married once before when I was young and impressionable and reeling from a childhood full of abandonment issues. After giving birth to our son (22yrs ago) I discovered his father had an issue with pornography. In my own distorted and dysfunctional desire to be all that he saw, I sought counsel from his mother. These are the exact words she spoke to me…"If you would wear makeup every day and fix your hair every day rather than always having it in a ponytail, he would stop looking at that garbage." Even today her advice rings in my ears. On those days when I feel like giving myself a break – being bare-faced – resting my skin – or just being plain old lazy…I remind myself that I am created masterfully in His image and not anyone else's. Pretty is as pretty does.

  5. I grew up around phrases like "Putting your face on". I spent hours watching the women in my family don their makeup before each day. For one reason or another I never felt right in makeup. I always felt like it drew too much attention. I didn't want anyone to look at me so I would hide behind a lack of makeup. I held the belief that no one noticed you if you didn't "Put your face on". Ultimately, I was hiding the evil in my life. No one would know the things that happened to me if they never noticed me. I never played with makeup or cared to try to look beautiful unless it was a super special occasion I couldn't avoid. Flash forward to the birth of my daughter. I wanted to protect her, but I didn't know what to do with her either. I struggled with the same emotions you have. I want her to have a clean, healthy self-image. I want her to know pretty without the pressures of the world's definition of the word. I want her to be comfortable in her own skin, accepted for who she is, not how she looks. She will not have the struggles I had to face. She will know that pretty is part of the whole self. It is how you are seen in God's eyes, not how the world sees you.

  6. I am grateful & blessed to to have Destiny in Bloom. To have others share their hopes and dreams and to be reminded that we have a Heavenly Daddy who loves and cherishes me.

    I too am a victim of physical, emotional abuse. Lost my virginity to date rape at 17. By age 25 I had been hit, kicked, punched and down to 88 lbs. Was told I'd never be good enough for anyone.

    I'm going to share this with as many as I can. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. Love you Heather!

  7. So raw and so honest! We need more ladies out there like you Heather! Thank you for your transparancy!

  8. The true beauty of a woman is something that is impossible for any photographer to every possibly capture on film. Examples of beautiful women are Harriet Tubman, Mother Theresa, and Eleanor Roosevelt. This beauty is the "inner beauty" – the beauty of the soul which is pleasing to the Lord and which cares not what society defines as the sexual goddess. The beauty of a woman isn't the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries or the way she wears her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from the light in her eyes because this is the doorway to her heart. This is the place where love resides. Agape love that only wants what is best for another person and seeks nothing in return. The greatest example being the love that Christ gave to this world when he went to the cross and paid a debt that he did not owe for a debt that none of us can ever repay. The beauty of a woman isn't in her makeup. It is not in her fashion statement. The true beauty in a woman is reflected by her soul. It's the caring that she cares to give, the compassion that she shows to others who are less fortunate than herself. And the beauty of a woman with passing years only continues to grow

  9. [...] 5 Mar There’s a movement happening on Facebook the last two days, I don’t know if you’ve seen it but it was started by a good friend of mine, Heather. She wrote an article for Destinyinbloom.com called Pretty. [...]

  10. Heather, Beautiful!!! God has asked me to look in the mirror and see all the things He loves, and then asks me if I love them, too. My answer didn't always start with a yes and in some areas I have not been able to say yes, but each day He reminds me how lovely He made me and how much He loves every part of me it gets a little bit easier to love me as well.

    My girls are more than just a blessing, they help me to be a better me. God uses them to bring out the best in me and sometimes that is right behind me seeing the worst. You will be more than blessed with your new baby girl!!

  11. Wow….. Do you have an amazing voice!! You have unlocked something beautiful in women everywhere! Thank you Heather!!
    Love you and can't wait to meet your daughter!! <3

  12. I have to share this with my daughter. This is so rich. I grew up looking at myself in the mirror and telling myself how ugly I was. God reminds me through you how much beauty is on the inside, and that's the beauty that means the most. It has a definite effect on the outside too. :)

  13. Mallory also looks beautiful without makeup; doesn't she? Why does a little girl have to feel pressured by society's definitions of beauty? Who generates such pressure? Who is responsible? Her photo and this message was posted on facebook: "This is my sister Mallory. She has down syndrome and doesn't think she's beautiful. Please like and share this photo so I can show her later that she truly is beautiful." ~ https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=446880955

  14. "Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks" is what the Bible teaches, Grason. You cannot tell a woman's beauty by "light in her eyes". Ever heard of lying eyes? Beauty is as beauty does. It is in ones actions that we know if they love, and, also, we know by the words one speaks what is in their hearts whether love or something else. Clearly, out of love, Heather is using her voice to teach her daughter and other women hope, wisdom, and truth.