Rosie (Princessa Roslinda Montoya in hiding): I am not a fool; I will not let her make me something that I am not. I will turn the other cheek, it is what princesses do.

~Princess Protection Program by Disney

Sara Crewe: I am a princess. All girls are. Even if they live in tiny old attics. Even if they dress in rags, even if they aren’t pretty, or smart, or young. They’re still princesses. All of us. Didn’t your father ever tell you that? Didn’t he?

~ A little Princess, the movie.

I’ll be honest. Most days I don’t feel like God’s princess. My days are spent constantly serving others from my husband to my aging grandmother who we moved in with just this past year to help take care of. My life resembles the little cinder girl more than Cinderella. But there’s something inside of me, something deeper than the present that calls to me daily, telling me that I was made for more than this. It’s why I love any movie about princesses and it’s often in those movies that I am reminded about what’s true about me, about my identity.

When I was nineteen I faced my Identity head on. I had just accepted the Lord and I was studying music at the Boston Conservatory when I got the news that I had developed severe vocal nodules. Studying opera, I knew that having them would take me out of the running. Opera was the marathon of singing, and having a slight handicap would take me out of the race altogether. I knew it was time to go down a new path, but I was devastated. Singing was who I was. I’d never been beautiful, athletic, or especially smart. My brother was the genius, and I was the singer. That’s how I viewed myself. Without song, I had no idea who I was or what I wanted to do. I had in essence lost my identity.

This mindset led to years of searching and failed aspirations. I tried on identities like you’d try on clothes at the store, but nothing fit the God-sized whole I had in my heart. This year, during a ministry event at my church, the other shoe dropped and I humbled myself in front of God, knowing that He had the answer. The conclusion I finally came to is that my identity couldn’t be based on what I did. It had to be based on who I was, who God created me to be.

It all comes down to that doesn’t it? Identity, and what we believe about who we are. See, what we believe channels into how we live our lives. A child who believes he is stupid will strive to do nothing more, a single mother who believes she carries a scarlet letter will live out her life in fear of condemnation, a woman who believes she’s not worthy of love will seek out men who give her anything but. However, a child who believes she is God’s daughter, His princess, will live her life knowing she is capable of anything. A single mother who knows the love and forgiveness of Christ will live her life out in faith, and a woman who knows she is loved by The King will hold out for a prince!

When I humbled myself I had a vision of being crowned with a beautiful tiara. I knew that God was telling me what I’d longed to hear; that I was His Princess! I was the Daughter of a King! In the midst of His presence I cried, knowing that I’d finally found an identity that couldn’t be taken away. I was and always will be His Princess!

Alex lives in Texas with her husband, her grandmother, two dogs, and two cats (her zoo) and is an avid blogger who believes that the internet is the newest way to encourage women to be who God has called them to be. Alex is from Euless, Tx and attends Gateway Church.

You can find her blog on www.journeytobeauty.com.

I sat waiting for my oldest son to get out of Museum Camp in the blistering hot Texas sun, listening to 2 ladies talk about a friend’s baby conception woes. This woman’s doctor had advised her to gain 15 pounds and it would help her, yet according to her “friend” she refused!  Baby fever. When you got it, you got it and when you don’t you don’t! When we got married we agreed we would wait about 4 years to have kids. We were 25 so that would put us about 30 by the time we had a baby. Truthfully, I was scared to gain weight!  Well 30 came and went. Momma still wasn’t ready. Daddy was ready the day we got married, I think! Meanwhile, I was still saying we would have a baby in about 4 years. My sweet patient husband gently reminded me that someday 4 years had to eventually get here! My girlfriend told me I would wake up one day and it would be like someone turned on a light. POOF! I was ready.   And so our long road to have a baby began …

In my zeal to “Not be FAT!” I spent most of my teens to mid 20’s on a self-imposed “restricted eating pattern”. So much so I barely weighed 90lbs when I graduated high school. Not much more by the time I got married. I could not have gotten pregnant if I wanted.  I still remember Dr. Fong telling me, when I was 17, I was suffering from malnutrition.  My goal at that time was to NEVER break 100lbs!  Looking back now I realize it was all about control.  I lacked control in other areas of my life, well, this was one area I could control!  When things were stressful I always made it my mission to lose 5 pounds.  It was a quick starvation ritual that I was highly successful at doing.  I was oblivious as to who was really in control.  I was raised in church, had read the Bible backwards and forwards many times, memorized most of it, but I did not trust God to be able to handle my life.  He had messed it up enough.  I needed to be the one in control.  Ever heard the phrase, “Let go and let God”?  More like, ‘Let go and let God screw it up.’, in my mind!  In our weakest moments we sometimes cling to the one thing we have control of, never realizing that is the thing we control the least!

No one tells you when you are young about the long-term ramifications of this destructive eating behavior. For me it stretched far beyond just not being able to get pregnant in my thirties. The control freak that I am was completely out of control with this “having a baby” issue.  My husband and I had made an agreement we were not going to do any fertility treatments.  We felt strongly that if this were God’s design for us it would happen.  Talk about letting go.  This was the beginning for me.  It was not without struggle.  It was not without tears.  It was not without prayer!  During this journey I realized that control issues are really trust issues.  I did not truly trust him to take care of me, to give me the desires of my heart, to listen to my cry.  Exhausted from charting, plotting, testing, waiting, hoping and praying I broke down one day about 3 months before we finally got pregnant sitting in my car in a parking lot.  It all came crashing down on me as only He can do, “I don’t control anything!” My only job here is to trust and then that ton of bricks became so weightless.  I knew I had surrendered my will and I could finally accept His!

The sad truth is eating disorders are rampant in our society.  More so than we realize because they are not talked about!  I told myself I did not have a problem because I never made myself throw up.  Although I would function off about 800 calories a day.  Overcoming this is a life-long process.  Not because it is a lifelong struggle but because the enemy takes the opportunity to hit you when you are down.  Only with God can we overcome.  I have conquered this with grace and acceptance, although I know I am not above it.  It is always in the back of my mind.  And for me that is not a bad thing.  It is a reminder of what I could be without that total acceptance only God gives.

Looking back on that year and a half it took us to get pregnant with our first son; I realize that was when I finally let go of my CONSTANT obsession for control.  Psalms 2:12 says ‘Blessed are those that put their trust in HIM.’  We have been blessed with two healthy beautiful boys.  During my first pregnancy I made a conscious decision not to look at a scale at all.  When I arrived at the hospital to have the baby, the nurse asked me how much I weighed and I proudly said, “I don’t know!”

Rena Arnold is wife to the most amazing man, Brandon Arnold, who loves to do laundry! She is mom to 2 scrumptious boys and big sister to 5 beautiful, younger sisters. Rena and her family are members of White’s Chapel UMC.  Both raised in the Metroplex, Rena and her husband have a heart for God and our community.  Together they believe in reaching out to those around you and truly giving to others your heart.   Rena is a work from home sometimes commercial real estate broker, all the time Mom and an avid  community volunteer.  She is passionate about giving to others; strangers, friends, children, her attention, love and respect and teaching her boys to do the same.  And always hoping her husband teaches their boys to love laundry!

I’m not sure if I’ve ever known friendship like I know it today.  I mean true, deep, cut-to-the-chase, don’t worry I’ve got your back, I saw how much cake you ate, you haven’t called me back in days, how can I ever thank you kind of friendship.  It’s been a mixed bag lately, but I feel like I’ve had a front row seat in the arena, courtside tickets if you may.  I’m up so close that I can hear the strategy of the teams, the ticking of the clock, and the voices of the television announcers. I can smell the concession stand, see the radical fans, and hear the conversations of the people sitting near me saying it’s never going to work, or this one is gonna be close.

It’s the story of my life right now; it’s taken an unexpected but very welcome detour, and it has some of my friendships in a tailspin.  It has made me take more than a moment to look inwardly and caused me to spend some serious time listening intently.  It has made me think of last summer when my husband and I had to attend the funeral of one of his co-workers that took his own life.  Wow, you must be thinking, “What could be so serious that she’s thinking about that”?  Well, it wasn’t the funeral itself, but what happened afterwards that has got me thinking about this gift called friendship.  A few of us were walking back to our cars in disbelief, when one of our friends said, “Let’s pretend it’s my funeral, and let’s go to Hawaii and everyone can say those wonderful things about me”.  Although he was mildly joking and really trying to express how all of us were feeling about what had been said in the service, I–in typical speak before you really think fashion–said, “How about we just forget the funeral part and Hawaii and work to really show and tell you how great we think you are and how much we value you in our lives?”  It was a solemn moment as we all just kind of silently agreed that our future and the definition of true friendship had just been re-aligned.

Well that was 6 months ago, and even though I have always tried to show and speak love to my friends, I find myself back in the place where I am trying to define what a real friend looks like, and how I can walk that out daily.  I have been quietly laughing with myself when I think about my friends together with the scripture that reads, ”Don’t forsake the gathering of the brethren” in a deep tenor voice. I know good and well that the scripture is not in reference to friendship, but for some reason I keep thinking, I’m not smart enough to put those two together so it must be the Holy Spirit trying to teach me something.  He is.

He’s back to teaching me the same thing that I thought I had learned after each child I had was born.  I would find myself deep in newborn mode and overwhelmed by motherhood, while somewhere nearby was a friend, looking for me, and because of my intense focus, I had temporarily put her on the shelf while I figured out how to be a mother to 1, then 2, then 3.  He’s back to teaching me not to solely rely on myself, or hide until I’ve got it all figured out and can present it with a pretty bow.  No, He’s reminding me not to forsake my friends while I’m in the trenches trying to figure it out, or to neglect my God-given need to gather with them.  I have a DEEP God-given need to gather with them.  Some call it extroverted, some call it social, but a friend of mine calls it being a sanguine on a level all my own.  That definition is my favorite because I love people.  All people. But I really love my friends.

They come in all shapes and sizes, and lately they have been coming out in full force while I admit I have been trying to resort to my old ways.  I’ve gotten phone calls of encouragement, letters of congratulations, molten cakes for celebration, and even a couple of looks and comments that say, “You are in way over your head sister!” But this time, I’m listening intently and watching carefully over the gifts that have been sent my way.  I need them to be the powerful force that God ordained them to be.  The Bible even says it’s better to have a friend who is close in Spirit than a brother who is far off in heart.  To me that means it’s better to re-visit my promise last summer to tell my friends how much I love them and let them know how much I value them in my life, even if I arise from the trenches with mud on my face to do it.

So here I am, 3 weeks into this new chapter of my life and so grateful that this time around the mountain I have clearly heard the voice of the Holy Spirit reminding me of the friendships that I require to help me successfully reach the other side.  I’ve also come to terms with the reality that some of them may not make it on this journey because it’s a journey that requires selflessness and understanding on all of our parts, and an extra portion of grace for me while I journey on, and not everyone is equipped for all of that right now.  But there are some. They are the one that have been cheering for me everyday, lifting my arms, watching my babies, baking me cookies and counting my calories.  Those are the ones that I’m keeping close by, because I’m finding that these journeys do come along more than once in a lifetime, and you gotta have friends.

“Okay, I really want to take some time for me. Is that wrong? Why do I always feel guilty for going to my monthly women’s dinner? Maybe I should just cancel since my kids really want me stay at home?” Does this sound like anyone you know? Or you?

I really hesitated at first regarding this particular blog. I mean, I’m not delving into world hunger, or the fresh move of the Holy Spirit here (maybe next week). This is so practical, yet, needed. How many of you reading this would say that you have a hobby of some sort? What about time to yourself every now and then? How many would say that you feel guilty when you leave your children, so you just try not to?

We all know that being a mom is a full time job. Unless we make an effort, we probably won’t get many breaks in between laundry, grocery stores, cooking, cleaning, car pool, sleepovers, homework, diapers, peanut butter and jelly (or almond butter for my health conscious friends!), and the list goes on.

For this topic, I was honored to interview someone who I admire greatly. I have watched her over the past twelve years not just talk the talk- but walk the walk. She is deeply in love with Jesus and quite the prayer warrior. She has successfully raised five amazing children, and just last year sent her fifth child off to college. She is my Mother-in-Law, Kay Barnard.  Here is her advice to either those going to be moms or already moms:

Celeste: Kay, what would you say to a mom who says she just doesn’t have the time to invest much in friendships or doing something she enjoys?

Kay: She has to. She has to set time for those kinds of things. It’s not healthy if she doesn’t. It’s important to have our priorities in order. Time with the Lord, time with our husband, time with our kids, time for ministry, and time for friendships.

Celeste: As a mom who just sent her 5th child to college, what was that like for you?

Kay: It was a very interesting life changing experience. To realize that after 33 years of being ‘mom’, that aspect of it was actually over. I had to process that.  Of course there were some emotional times that I went through.  There are seasons of life and I spent much time preparing for this season. You gradually let them go, preparing each time.

Celeste: Do you feel like you had invested time in yourself and in friendships, your marriage, and your walk with God- that you’ve been able to just continue doing the things you enjoy and have a passion for?  And wouldn’t you agree, that there are many aspects of ‘me’ time: My time with the Lord, my time with my husband, and my time with me?

Kay: The number one thing that got me through parenting and raising five kids was my quiet time with the Lord. My time with the Lord was number one. And I would also like to address your marriage. We always made it a priority to get away together one or two times a year by ourselves. I know first hand that there is a lot of preparation involved.  We had to get a reliable babysitter, get the kids packed, pack our own items, make arrangements for activities, etc.  And I remember thinking “Will this be worth it?” But every time we came back, we always agreed it was so worth it! It kept our relationship vibrant and growing. We invested in our marriage first, and then the kids. As far as having time with other women, I loved to pour myself into the church, and people, and continue to do so today. Of course, I have even more time now. But it wasn’t like my life drastically changed when they all went off to college. I am still involved in my loves, Bible study and fellowship. It was never like “oh my goodness, how do I fill my time?” And now there’s just more time to do things I enjoy like learning new things. My husband and I are even taking a course on investing in stocks! It’s so important to do things like learning something new; keeping up interests- something that gets you excited. I have never felt like I’ve neglected my kids, never. I was actually a better mom because I took time off to do some things I enjoyed.  I would come back with more joy; excited to be home with my family; refilled.

Now it is a balancing act. There were so many things that I was asked to do at the church as an elder’s wife. I definitely had to say no to some things. Actually, a lot of things! I had to pick and choose. I would say yes to the things I knew I was called to do and that nurtured me like prayer and Bible study and pouring myself into others. Unfortunately, I always felt so guilty for saying no. If I could go back I would not allow myself to feel guilty when I had to say no. Do not feel guilty! Guilt weighs you down. Do not allow others (or even yourself) to put guilt on you. Know your priorities!

Celeste: What advice would you give to moms on this topic of making time for themselves? Please add anything else you feel would encourage us moms or moms to be on the topic of finding some ‘me’ time- and how that would actually enhance our lives and motherhood.

Kay: Enjoy the journey (love this), don’t let others manipulate you and put guilt on you for your decisions. Set your priorities and stick to them. If you have a plan, stick to it and don’t live in guilt. Please spend some time with your husband away from kids. It’s so important for the kids to see healthy parents being modeled. And finally, make time for vital friendships.

I hope you’ve been encouraged by our interview, I know I have. I hope this week you can sit down with your calendar and schedule in some ‘me’ time.  Whatever nurtures and energizes you, think about it. For me, it’s scrap booking, reading and writing, and cycling. And I have to put it on the calendar and see to it just like I would any other appointment. If you work full time, I know this will be a challenge, but it’s so worth it. You might need to schedule every other Saturday morning for something you enjoy. You will probably need to enlist either a babysitter or your husband. It’s important for women, especially mothers, to take regular time to do things that nurture our souls and keep us feeling alive; if we don’t, we could face burnout, and we won’t be very helpful to anyone! Be encouraged, and enjoy the journey!

Psalm 37:3-4 Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Several months ago I woke up from a dream that I could not get out of my head.  Have you ever had this happen to you and you spent a good part of your day recalling the dream and trying to remember more of it?  Or sometimes I even like to play “finish your own dream” and create different scenarios in my head to finish my dream that I was awakened from before I finished dreaming it.  Now that’s fun!  But back to the dream that I couldn’t get out of my head.  I was at some sort of conference.  I’m not sure what the conference was for, where I was at or even who I was with.  The strange thing was it was outside and the “classes” were in camping tents.  Let’s just pause right here.  Anyone that knows me knows that I consider staying at the Motel 6 camping so the idea of me going to a conference in an outdoor camping tent (with bugs, spiders, dirt and no AC!) is just …  just …  well, it’s just ridiculous!  But back to the dream.  So in my dream we were to go to classes in the tent and I walked up and a lady said to me “Do you struggle with needing approval or feeling loved?” She pointed to the tents and said “That one’s Approval and that one’s Feeling Loved.”  I looked at her and without hesitation said “Oh, I’ll definitely go to the approval tent.  I don’t have any issues with feeling loved.”

CHIRP!  CHIRP!  CHIRP!  CHIRP!  CHIRP!  CHIRP!  And so went the sound of my alarm clock and the end of my dream.  I got up out of bed ready to start my day but the “tent dream” was still in my head.  I knew immediately there was more to this dream then just another random confirmation of my love for all things indoor.  I knew in my spirit God wanted to finish this dream.  So, I asked the Lord, “Lord, what do you want to tell me about this dream?  What does this mean?”  Silence.  So as any woman (poised with a daily quota of a mouth full of words) would do when the response is silence I continued on.  “Lord, I know I have always struggled with the need for approval. I know I wear my Scarlet Letter A (standing for Approval that is). I don’t want to be this way.  I know you are the only one I need approval from.  Help me to remember this every day.  Is that what you wanted to show me Lord?” I asked.  Silence.  So I went on with my day with a sense that there was more to this dream than what I was able to see.

Days went by and each day I would think about this dream and ponder the word approval.  I could not get this silly dream out of my head for weeks and each time I would think about it the word approval kept flashing in my head in neon lights (well, bright pink actually … it’s my favorite).  During this time I was also praying about what God would have me write for my next post on Destiny in Bloom (yes, that would be the one you are reading now ).  Again, the silly dream and the word approval kept coming back.  Immediately, I told the Lord He must have something better for me to write about.  After all, why would I want to tell a bunch of people that I struggle with the need for approval?!? Isn’t that like sending a diabetic to work in a candy shop!  Can’t I write about something a little less personal, like someone else’s problems?  I think you’ve probably figured out by this point who won the little argument about what I’d write about.  But, even having a topic for my blog post wasn’t the point of my dream.

The Lord had something bigger to show me about my dream (I’m just blessed to get to share it with you).  After weeks of praying, pondering, purposing (yeah, I don’t really know what purposing means I just wanted to go with the letter P theme) He spoke!  The Lord, that is, not my husband.  Although he does speak.  Ahem.  The Lord spoke to me and said, “Do you think it is a coincidence that the other tent is for those that have a hard time feeling loved?  You know, the one that you ‘don’t have any issues with’?”  I thought about it and I didn’t really think there was any correlation at first.  Then came the revelation.  While it may be true that I have struggled with needing approval from others that is not the root issue.  There was a correlation between the two tents.  One was the root problem and the other was just a symptom of the root problem.

Struggling with the need for approval from others is just a symptom of not being able to fully receive the love that our Father so freely gives.  Does this mean I’m not a Christian?  Or maybe that you aren’t a Christian if you struggle with the same thing?  With a loud shout, “No!”  It means I’m a sinner saved by grace working out my salvation and all that it fully means.  You see we are imperfect people filled with all sorts of misconceptions, hurts, “baggage”, etc.  before we come to accept Christ as our Savior.  After we accept Him as our Savior, guess what … we are still imperfect people!  Our Father is so loving and gracious to change us and show us areas where we are living “below the poverty line” so to speak.  Here is what He showed me.  My opinion of myself reflects my opinion of the one who created me.  To me this translated that if I do not receive the fullness of the Love of my sweet Savior how can I ever expect to love myself and in turn not seek that love from other people?  That Scarlet Letter A that I had been wearing for so many years is no longer necessary.  My Savior poured out his blood all over that Scarlet Letter A when he died on the cross for me and He took it and gave me a Crimson Letter A.  But, this Letter A stands for Approved.  His act of love on the cross is the cure for my “love” problem and all of its symptoms.  I had all of this “knowledge” in my head I just needed it to be supernaturally shifted to my heart.  And THAT is exactly what happened.
“God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them.  And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect.” 1 John 4:16-17

As I was thinking about this I thought back to when I was 15 years old and was in an accident.  Because I don’t need your approval anymore I am not embarrassed to say that I was 15 years old and in a BICYCLE accident! My sister and I were babysitting for a little girl and every day we would take bike rides.  We were riding on a narrow sidewalk and somehow my sister’s wheel on her bike got caught on my wheel and caused me to fall off.  When I fell I landed on the wheel of one of the bikes and the screw gashed my leg open.  Like any normal 15 & 16 year olds would do in a bicycle emergency we called 911!  I got to take a nice little ambulance ride to go get 13 stitches in my leg.  My parents were at work at the time so they met us at the hospital.  As the ambulance backed up to the hospital I could see my Dad standing there waiting for the ambulance doors to open.  He had only gotten a call that I was being brought by ambulance to the hospital so he had no idea what was wrong with me.  He stood there with tears in his eyes as the doors to the ambulance opened.  And there I sat on the stretcher grinning from ear to ear as I had just taken a ride with what I thought was a “hot” paramedic.  I looked at my Dad and he was so relieved that it was just a cut on my leg.  I can’t explain to you the look in his eyes that communicated his deep love for me.  When thinking back on this the Lord reminded me that although my earthly Father’s love for me was SO SO great it doesn’t even begin to compare to the way He feels about me.  I got my stitches and went on about my 15 year old ways with a great story to tell. When my stitches came out I had a nice scar in the middle of my leg in the shape of a backwards “L”.  But when I look in the mirror now I see it the correct way.  I see it as an “L” and just another reminder that I have been stamped (permanently) with His Love!

If you do struggle with a particular problem, be it the need for approval (Psalm 139:13), self-image (Genesis 1:27), fear (1 John 4:18), eating disorders (Jeremiah 31:3) or whatever, I challenge you to look deeper.  Consider the possibility that your “problem” could just be a symptom.  Ask the Lord to show you.  I have no doubt that He will.  And be ready for how He shows you … He is fun, creative and has a great sense of humor!

I usually write more to the young, married, moms; the women in the same stage of life that I’m in right now. But this is for all our unmarried readers- God put you on my heart this week- He sees you! I was reminded of a conversation I had with a friend of mine not long ago. She was a young unmarried woman and in a relationship with a young man from her church. We were talking about all sorts of things; but as is to be expected when two women start talking the subject turned to her relationship.  Specifically … SEX. Yeah. That’s right. I’m about to go there.

Ok, so my friend was young, but not a teenager; she was a Christian, but new to the faith; she had committed herself to purity going forward, but was not a virgin. Her relationship was getting serious and the question was beginning to gain in urgency … How far is too far?

She was getting frustrated because she felt the Bible was silent regarding her question. It’s easy to get caught up trying to make boundaries like, ‘kissing is okay but no tongue.’ or ‘It’s ok to lie down on the couch together, but not after midnight.’ or ‘Just nothing below the waist.’ But you have to realize that God really ‘gets’ us. He really knows our ins and outs and how, in the face of serious hormones and raging lust, we can figure out ways to stay within our ‘boundaries’ and yet get ourselves completely mired in impurity. Believe me I know. Been there, done that, had to repent. (No t-shirt though, that might get awkward)

But guess what?!! The boundaries are totally there, down to a tee, you just have to know where to look. (NOTE: Sadly, I can’t claim that I am the Queen of all Spirituality and Purity and found this on my own, I learned about it from Dean Sherman when I was in Youth With A Mission. He has a great book called ‘Love, Sex, and Relationships’ that is fan-TA-bulous and will blow your mind- buy it, read it, love it.)

Ok so where are these oh-so-very-clear boundaries? They are buried in a couple of really long words that most people read and then ignore because they have NO idea what they mean. But for the sake of this particular question here is the main one- Lasciviousness.

“Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness.” Galatians 5:19

“And lest, when I come again, my God will humble me among you, and that I shall bewail many which have sinned already, and not repented of the uncleanness and fornication and lasciviousness which they have committed.” 2 Corinthians 12:21

Uh-huh … so, what the heck does that mean? Well, we know that adultery and fornication are really big bad no-no’s and anything you need to repent from is probably a bad thing so we can draw the conclusion that lasciviousness is sin. The bible uses some really strong language when talking about it, even talking about it barring some from entering the Kingdom of Heaven, so this is not something we want to mess around with, am I right?! But again- what the heck does it mean? In order to find out the real depth of the word you have to get all scholarly and get into the Greek word; Dean Sherman does that beautifully, if you want to go all hardcore get his book, you won’t regret it. The super-un-technical-Melissa-definition is: ‘Lasciviousness is anything you intentionally do to build up any desire in another person or yourself that can’t be fulfilled and satisfied within God’s plan.’ Whoa. So think on that for a second. God is so freaking awesome. That’s relevant for any day and age, any culture, and any age person. There just isn’t any getting around that because God is looking to our motives and intentions.

So, a woman that does a scandalously sexy dance for her husband and prances around their room half-nekkid is totally fine because the desire she is igniting in her husband can be totally satisfied within the confines of God’s Plan. But the teen girl who is walking to her class with a little extra sway and a sexy smile for that boy watching her could be just as much in sin as the boy watching porn on the computer when no one is home. It all depends on the motive in her heart.

It’s also good news because for way too long young women have been forced to carry the burden of responsibility for what goes on in the minds of the young men around them. Too many times in the church, well meaning people place the burden of sexual purity solely on the young women they lead. Should women be conscious of how they dress and conduct themselves? Should we be modest? Of course! But if a girl is in submission to the authority in her life (such as her parents and the dress code at her school) and has no intention or motive in her heart to look ‘sexy’ and get boys to notice how ‘hot’ she is, then if a boy does look at her and think inappropriate thoughts and lust after her, she is blameless. It’s all about your motives.

It goes both ways. I’ll use myself as an example. My mother used to be SO frustrated when I was a teenager because she could never figure out how I could be wearing the same things she saw other girls wearing but somehow on me it just looked … inappropriate. I could be completely covered up, it didn’t matter how long my hem was or loose my shirts were. I always seemed indecent. It was because I had a spirit of lasciviousness on me. I wanted boys to notice me and maybe think I was sexy. I didn’t understand exactly what went on in guy’s heads, but I wanted attention and I was out to find it.

So back to the all-important question we all ask as teenagers or young adults- How far is too far? Anything you intentionally do that causes a desire in your boyfriend or fiancée that can’t be righteously satisfied is too far. Anything your boyfriend or fiancée does to stir up desires in you that can’t be fulfilled within God’s plan is too far. It might be different for you than it is for your friend, but chances are it doesn’t allow for much making out … Sorry, just the fact. The whole point of making out is to turn each other on physically, sounds like that falls into the category of too far, huh?

Our God is way too loving and wonderful to give us boundaries that don’t fully protect us, because that’s what it does. It protects you, his beloved daughter, who is priceless beyond all else.

If you are over the age of 25, you can probably remember life without cell phones and email. Those of us a little older and wiser than 20 somethings can even remember talking on telephones that were plugged into a wall and had a cord that connected the receiver to the base. (My parents were smart and installed an extra, extra long cord on our kitchen phone, which facilitated my sisters and I being able to hand wash dishes—no automatic dishwasher back then–and talk on the phone at the same time.) Way back in those days of corded phones when people actually answered their home phone and couldn’t screen their calls, a salesperson would call and ask, “Can I speak to the mother of the house?”

The telemarketer knew that the mother of the house makes many of the decisions about what products to buy and how the money is spent. They didn’t want to waste time talking to a non-decision maker. The mother of the house had and still has tremendous influence on her family.

In this post I want to borrow that phrase from the telemarketers and slightly modify it to say, “Can I speak to the lady of the house?” Can I speak to you about your influence? If you are not a mother or wife, I believe the principles still apply. If you are not a female, I hope I at least give you some food for thought. I don’t want to sell you anything. I simply want to remind you of the power of your influence.

Every single person on the planet has influence. Most of us desire to exert positive influence, but negative influence also happens. Even the most isolated person makes an impact on others because we are not born in a vacuum. What we do, how we act, and who we are affect the people around us in both good and bad ways. So whether you feel important or not, you do have influence. Whether you see the fruit of your influence or not, you are making ripples in other people’s ponds.

Not only do you have influence, but your influence is as unique as you are. No two thumbprints look exactly the same, and no two DNA’s match up identically, and no two people touch the same lives in exactly the same way. I can’t influence the same people as you, first of all because I don’t know everyone you know, and secondly because our personalities, beliefs, habits, interests, strengths and weaknesses are not all the same. Our lives find purpose in part in knowing that I am the only me that is me, and you are the only you that is you. I can’t help but marvel at the intelligence and greatness of our Creator to imagine and create the roughly 6 billion unique people alive today, much less all those who have lived before us. (See Psalm 139.)

Not only do you have influence, not only is your influence unique, but you can choose how you will spend your influence. Adolf Hitler cultivated influence then used it to annihilate a generation. Mother Teresa gained more influence every time she gave her life to those who couldn’t give back. Your sixth grade teacher chose to extend her influence by investing in young lives. You and I probably land with the teacher, somewhere between Hitler and Teresa, in how we impact others. But you never know where your choices will take you–Mother Teresa started out as a teacher!

Can I speak to the lady of the house?

You have influence.

Your influence is unique.

How will you spend your influence?

She turned the corner he saw her and his breathing stopped.  Her form was a silhouette against the stained glass behind her, when she moved forward his heart beat faster.  She was beautiful and she was giving herself to him today.  She glided down the aisle and the light illuminated her dress.  He could hardly wait for her to come to his side.  In a few moments he would lift the veil, and kiss the woman he loved.

The veil separated them, though it was only a sheer fabric.  It was enough to obscure his view.  They stood face to face, and still could not see each other the way that they would soon.  For a moment she felt fear; what would he feel when he sees her?  Then she rested in the fact that she spent the whole day, in some ways her whole life preparing for this moment.  As the veil lifted, He saw her face.  And she saw him. Looking in his eyes she saw herself, not as in a mirror, but in the look in his eyes.

The veil separates and obscures the view.  It hangs between the bride and the groom, waiting for the moment of unveiling.  The veil of the lovers’ ceremony is a visible picture of the veil we read about in Jesus’ own love story.  We read throughout the scriptures of this veil that obscures our view of reality.  And we think often of the day when the veil will be lifted, and we will see Him face to face.  But do we ever think of how He made it possible for the veil to be lifted?  Specifically, Jesus crossed over to our side of the veil first.

Jesus’ journey from heaven to earth spanned more than geography.  He moved from the realm of ultimate beauty into the things you most dislike about yourself.  The things we hope no one ever knows about us, He knew and, purposefully, lovingly stepped right into them.  The thing you are most ashamed of and most try to hide, even the thing that is most hidden to your eyes. He lifted the veil and entered in.

The thing that allows us to lift the veil and approach Him with confidence is the assurance that He already knows what is underneath.  And He finds us lovely.

Paul tells the Corinthian church that there is a veil over our heart when “Moses is read” and it is only removed when we turn to the Lord.  Does this mean we should avoid the Old Testament?  Certainly not.  Paul is referring to the Law.  In our world we must understand the law as a reference to our focus on external, human standards.  The Law is anything that provokes self-reliance and self-sufficiency.  It also provokes comparison.

Under the law we begin to measure ourselves and one another by external, temporary standards, we are blinded and this veil remains.  How do I look?  Am I performing well?  These kinds of questions provoke hiding.  Hiding our true condition and hiding our hearts.  We fear that someone may look past the surface, see the truth and reject us.  The veil provides a false sense of safety.  If others see dimly I may not be rejected.  When we read the law, measure by man’s standards of comparison we hide.

Now comes Jesus.  In case you did not know, it is worse behind your veil than you think.  Part of the effect of the veil is that it blinds even the one who wears it.  Behind your veil was more than a mess, it stinks.  The smell of death was there. Behind your veil are all the things you fear and more.

Without hesitation He plunged in.  Fully aware and with healing in His wings, He climbed behind the veil of His bride.  Not to point out flaws but to prepare her.  The bride fears that anyone might see behind the veil.  This was not just anyone, this was God, and He did not just see, he knew.  And He began to work.

Now look with me.

She turns the corner and His breathing stops.  As the two draw close, His heart beats faster.  He knows she is beautiful though she is wearing a veil He has seen her face before.  Finally, the two are face to face.  He reaches for the veil.  Her heart beats now.  She fears that when He sees her face, He will turn away.  She knows He is radiant and glorious.

But He spent His life preparing for this moment.  It is He who has been at work behind her veil, and she has no idea of all that has been accomplished.  She looks from behind the veil, afraid of the look in His eyes when He finally sees her face.  She feels a momentary wash of shame, and then He sees her unveiled.  She looks at Him and sees herself in His eyes.  Not as in a mirror, but she sees His response to her.  She is loved and cherished.  She rests in the fact that He sees her and looks pleased.

Bob Hamp is a our Recurring Special Guest and his full bio can be read on our About page.

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I have vivid memories of going to church camp.  Every summer my church would pack a bus load of youth for an 8 hour drive to a camp in Oklahoma. Some of my fondest memories of being a teenager come from these week long get-a-ways from reality as I knew it.  Though the design of these camps was for spiritual awakening, anyone who knows me won’t be surprised to know that I loved going for the fun. In particular, I loved the afternoon competitions that would happen between youth groups. You name it … volleyball, softball, relay races and my personal favorite, tug of war. This game, tug of war, always had an ending of one team, the losing team, being slathered in mud as the losing team members couldn’t pull hard enough or hold tight enough to their rope not to be pulled past the point of no return.  If you’ve ever played on the winning side you may remember the feeling of that final “heave-ho” your team gives that pulls the losing team into their final destination of a mud bath. The competitive nature in me always made sure I came out of this game clean and mud-free … (well, at least, that’s how I choose to remember it).

Recently I found myself playing a one-woman game of tug a war. As you can imagine, there was no way for me to come out of this without getting a little dirty! It wasn’t until I reached that point of no return, the part where I was loosening my grasp and loosing my footing that I became aware of this internal struggle going on inside of me. You see, this tug of war wasn’t between right and wrong, and it wasn’t even between good and evil. It was about my identity, purpose and calling versus my fears.

I can’t recall how many times in this tug of war I’ve had conversations with myself that would rival any court room. On one side  I have sufficient evidence that pursuing personal passions and interests has to be on hold as I tend to my most precious calling, that of wife and mother. As a rebuttal, I have a great argument that says God didn’t forget about his calling on my life when He chose me to take that great mantle of wife and mom to my amazing husband and children. Nevertheless, this debate continues as I point out to myself the great selfishness I must have in me to dare pursue dreams buried deep in my heart at the assumed cost of my children’s security, attention, and destiny. I felt there was no right answer and every time this argument began, it ended with a “hung jury”. This was until I realized that the opponent on the other side of my tug of war was fear … fear of the unknown, fear of failure and fear of man.

God spoke truth to my heart when he told me that His perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18) and that it would be the revelation of His deep love for me that would bring me peace. Fear is debilitating. It causes us to not move, to be stagnant. Let’s face it, when it comes to fearing the unknown … it’s true, we don’t usually get the luxury of being told everything in our future.

But don’t fear, because we know who holds the future and His plan for us is great (Jeremiah 29:11). It’s true that many roads to success have some failures along the way, but we’re told that each suffering or hardship we encounter produces perseverance (James 5:3). And the people pleaser in me knows all too well how the fear of man can feel like I’m in chains and destroys my joyful soul, but His word says that trusting in Him will keep me safe (Proverbs 29:25). He truly loves me with an indescribable love.

I believe the enemy wants to make us think that we all have “cookie cutter” destinies. He tries to convince us that if we are really hearing from God, we would be doing what other strong believers are doing, making the same choices about our jobs, children, life groups, schools, etc. Let that thought never take root in your heart! God is a very creative God. There is no end to His thoughtfulness of you as an individual. Yes it’s true, we are all made for one single purpose … to be worshippers and lovers of Him and with that comes the same heavenly destiny … eternity! But the method God uses to accomplish His purpose in us on this earth is completely different from one another. Never take lightly when His word tells us “before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart” (Jeremiah 1:10). His divine plan for you goes beyond laundry, grocery shopping, or long hours at the office. I love that nothing is wasted with God. So be encouraged that you’re not sitting around waiting for your destiny to happen as you muddle through changing countless dirty diapers, reviewing endless lists of spelling words, or waking up at insane hours for your job’s early shift. It’s all part of the big picture with God and nothing is wasted. It may not feel like destiny is taking place, but it is. You won’t miss one plan or blessing He has for you when you walk with Him and rely on His Spirit to guide you. Nothing is wasted, nothing! As I think back on my personal tug of war, I am grateful for hope. I love in Psalm 119:116 where David writes, “uphold me according to thy word that I may live and let me not be ashamed of my hope.” I have hope in God and I am not ashamed of it! He’s my one and only hope! This hope will destroy my fears, fill me with courage, and will remind me that though I am flawed, I am loved.

I am a work in progress. This journey isn’t wrapped up in a nice little package with a bow on top that says my struggle is over. My tug of war match has not completely ended, but my grasp is tighter, my footing is deeper and I see the look of surrender in the eye of my opponent, fear. I’m ready to give the final “heave-ho” and I believe I see a mud bath in its future.

Blynda believes that inside every woman is unbelievable potential and gifting. She loves being a part of God-moments when women discover the greatness each one has inside of them. She is energetic, fun and has never met a stranger. A favorite day for her is one filled with great friends and family, great food (preferrably prepared by someone other than herself) and great laughs! Blynda appears on “The Blessed Life” television show and is seen weekly on Gateway TV. She has been married to the love of her life, Todd, for 14 years, who is an Associate Senior Pastor at Gateway Church. She and Todd have three wonderful children, Olivia (9), Harrison (6) and Evelyn (3)…all of whom find her “fly through the air” acrobats on their trampoline very entertaining!

I’ll admit it! I’m sporadic in my love for journaling. I have a sacred place where I store a plethora of half filled personal journals I’ve collected over time. Every year I get a new one (I usually search till I find just the right one that expresses me) in high hopes that “this’ll be the year” that I become more consistent. So when I say the Lord lead me back to an old journal entry, know this mother of four didn’t have to dig through too much to find the dangerously powerful prayer that served as a catalyst to the greatest adventure of freedom and friendship I’ve ever known.

When I look back over the entry below I see truth, but nestled right in the midst of truth through new eyes … I see a lie. My heart was for God and for change but I was still striving in my own strength. Look back with me and see if you can see the lie too.

7/22/05   Written to God

Do I intend to be a good Mom or am I?

When I take inventory of my heart I’m full of good intentions. I intend to be a better wife, mother, friend, and spiritual person. It’s my heart to be this person but Lord it’s not always the person that manifests.

My question is: How do I get past good intentions and being/doing that which my heart desires?

I can say the power of the Holy Spirit. But I know it’s my choice, my responsibility to make changes, to challenge myself … with the empowerment of the Holy Spirit (His voice/His direction.)

He doesn’t just miraculously change me without the work. I have to surrender to the process.

Lord,

I surrender to the process … expose the yuckies in my heart that keep me a prisoner from my destiny … revisit all the dreams in my heart that have been buried because confidence has succumbed to pain. Let all my good intentions be the reality I desire … for Your glory … for the destiny of Caleb, Colsen, Hudson, and my marriage. Reveal ME to me beyond my deception and denial. Thank you Holy Spirit that it is only by your Spirit at work in my heart that I desire to be more set free and alive in you. I give all of me to you, the good and the not so good, to be transformed for your glory.

I love you Daddy! ~Your Ris

I love when I look back at this rendering of my heart to the Lord that it shows He  honors the sincere cries of our hearts regardless if our doctrines off.

The lie: “He doesn’t just miraculously change me without the work.” I kind of set myself up for loads of condemnation right there. I knew the following scripture but my heart didn’t know it to be true.

“And since it is through God’s kindness, then it is not by their good works. For in that case, God’s grace would not be what it really is—free and undeserved.” Romans 11:6 (NLT)

The Truths: Yes I need the Holy Spirit and His empowerment. Yes I need to surrender to “the process”, which is truly the school of the Holy Spirit because it’s the Holy Spirit that makes me holy, not me.

“I am a special messenger from Christ Jesus to you Gentiles. I bring you the Good News so that I might present you as an acceptable offering to God, made holy by the Holy Spirit.” Rom. 15:16 (NLT)

It’s NOT what I can DO … it’s what HE has DONE that makes change possible and there is grace for all the folly on the way to the change we desire called grace. And grace comes by and through the Holy Spirit’s deep heart revelation of what Christ did at the cross.

When this was written in 2005 I was a mom of three young boys all about 18 months apart (3yrs., 2yrs., and 3mo.). We planned it on purpose and knew what television was, despite popular belief .  Becoming a Mom was a dream come true to me. With my dream I also had a lot of ideas of how I was going to do things differently then how I grew up. How my kids would be so well behaved because I would follow all the biblical principles to a tee. You see where this is going fast, don’t you? It didn’t take long after my first son was born that I saw that little gleam in his eyes with a mischievous grin as he threw his toy off his highchair after I said no. I swatted his little hands and went on to swat more little hands as we added each year a new addition to our family. My life had been full of years of pregnancy, breast feeding, sleepless nights, potty training, child training, disciplining and all this with little heart knowledge of grace. I would hear about grace and think that sounds fabulous, give me some of that, but didn’t know how to receive it. I knew all the rules and thought I was a failure as a Mom if I couldn’t keep them. I was convinced my children would turn out a wreck if I couldn’t get them to keep them.  Needless to say, I had little grace for myself, my husband, and my children because I hadn’t received grace, I couldn’t give it.

And then …

In 2006 I went to a ladies life group through my church and my leader began teaching on the Holy Spirit. I was holding back tears as something was jumping up and down on the inside saying, “This is it! This is the answer to all my questions!” I listened like my life depended on it and looking back it really did. The life in God full of power to do right, to be all that was in my heart was being unwrapped like a present before me. It was a free gift and an invitation to walk in intimate friendship with God.

I had received the Holy Spirit at the same time I received Jesus as my savior alone in my Uncle and Aunt’s bathroom. After confessing my sin and receiving his forgiveness I felt something on the inside, I had prior knowledge and I knew it was the gift of speaking in tongues. I prayed to the Lord to make me not afraid of it and in faith I began speaking in tongues. So I knew about the Holy Spirit and had amazing testimonies of His power and leading in my life at Bible College and during mission trips. I started having children and started relying on my head knowledge instead of being led by the Spirit. Somewhere along the way I tucked Him away in that same sacred place full of half filled journals. Because by all means I had been trained for this, I had memorized all the parenting scriptures, attended every parenting workshop and life group, and even positioned myself around great parents from whom I could glean parental wisdom. None of that in itself was bad, it’s just that I made law of it in my heart and I couldn’t keep it. The enemy was having a hay day condemning me that I couldn’t be innately who I wanted to be without the “trying” so hard.  I loved God and to the best of my ability was living for Him but at the same time I was drowning and losing a little piece of me in every struggle to be a “good wife,” and a “good mom”.

I was beat down by lies that day at life group when the leader began sharing about the Holy Spirit. How the Holy Spirit is the Spirit of Grace and by grace and fellowship with the Holy Spirit we walk in grace. I remember leaving group that day and while driving away in my car saying to the Holy Spirit, “I’ve missed you, please come back in my life and with power. I love you and I need you. I can’t do this anymore without You and I don’t want to.”

Shortly after I started going to a Spirit led prayer group and began praying in the Spirit at home making a place for God in my life instead of trying to follow all His rules without Him. I would pray in tongues in the car on the way to Walmart, yes with my kids listening. I would tell them Mommy doesn’t know what to pray but the Spirit of God knows what to pray and He prays the best prayers for all of us (Rom. 8:27-29).  It’s never freaked them out and they have never thought twice about it.

I began hearing the Holy Spirit speak to me daily during our prayer times. These are some of the things He would say to me as grace took hold of my heart:

• You don’t have to strive, because you never arrive, you always become and are becoming who I’ve called you to be.
• You don’t have to be perfect … that’s my job … aren’t you relieved.
• I count your shame as my treasure, don’t be afraid to give it to me … I died for it.
• I will make every ugly place beautiful in it’s time
• So you fell, get up and shake it off and follow me.
• Your destiny will always be greater than the opinions of those around you. Stop listening to them … listen to me.
• Give yourself permission to be who you want to be in Me … I have.

That’s just a few. The Holy Spirit has been so incredibly gracious to me to love me in spite of me. That love overflows in tangible grace to others. My husband will tell you I’m a different person because CHANGE started happening on the inside of me and I couldn’t contain it. As I saw to the Holy Spirit, making place for Him in my life, listening to His voice and obeying, He began to see to everything that concerned me. He gave me great favor with my husband and children. I’ll never be perfect, my house may never be perfectly clean, I’ll blow it, my kids will blow it (maybe even in front of you ), but I’m ok with that because His grace covers me and teaches me to be more like Him everyday. I don’t have to arrive … I just have to become.

So maybe your like me who felt like Little Red Riding hood on her way to Grandma’s house with a basket full of good intentions and when the wolf came to deceive you, your good intentions only went so far and you were left feeling condemned.

It’s time to fill our baskets with His power and overcome the enemy’s deception. His power reveals truth and exposes lies, like the lie I believed and wrote in my journal years ago. What lies have snuck their way into your heart and kept you from the fullness of life God has for you? Ask God to reveal them. Do you feel like your drowning in a whirlpool of condemnation? Let the heart revelation of His grace rescue you.

The Holy Spirit comes to offer His friendship where daily He exposes lies as you open your heart before Him. He replaces lies with the truth that brings freedom.  Change that seemed so hard begins to become a natural byproduct that flows from this friendship, the kind of change you couldn’t produce if you tried.  I know. I’ve lived it.

Does this kind of life sound too good to be true … It’s NOT! It’s as simple as asking for it.

Holy Spirit,

I invite you into my heart. Get all up in my heart Holy Spirit and make yourself comfortable … make it your home. Let the width of your arms hug and cover any pain or lack and fill it with yourself. Do what your good at … expose lies and set free every lame way in me with your truth. I have believed that You are good and now I choose to believe You are good to me! Lead me to all truth and everything you have for me. Fill every empty place with a heart revelation of your love for me that I may know the tangibility of your grace and may grace anchor me to see your faithfulness in every area of my life.

With ALL my heart and in JESUS name … AMEN!!!

If you know the Holy Spirit like this already, share Him with others. This kind of Spirit led life and freedom is contagious. There is nothing like good intentions being swallowed up by grace.

I think a red carpet just got laid out and a new you gets to walk down it! Here’s to kicking good intentions to the curb and Holy Spirit life makeovers!

Written with you in mind and GREAT love,

This blog is dedicated to my best friend the Holy Spirit, my son Colsen who always extends me great grace, and to my friend H who recently received the baptism of the Holy Spirit, who’s faith to step out from what she has known gave me the courage to write this piece.

If you’ve never been taught about the Holy Spirit and the gifts of the Holy Spirit you can use the link below to learn more.

RESOURCES:

A free study guide on The Holy Spirit by Jack Hayford