Sex. It’s everywhere. And I’m not talking about the good and healthy, I-just-SO-want-to-get-it-on-with-my-sexy-husband kind of sex (I’m a big fan of that kind). I’m talking about Victoria’s Secret commercials, billboards on the freeway, beer and internet hosting commercials, the windows in the malls, just about ANY television show you try to watch, magazines next to the register at the grocery store; it’s inescapable in the world we live in.
In the Christian world it is generally expected that the men are trying to guard their eyes from this constant barrage. I know my husband does his best to ensure that I am the only source of sexy images that flutter through his mind, but for a long time it never occurred to me that it would be in my best interest and the best interest of our marriage if I did the same. There are now a lot of great Christian resources for women that talk about how important it is for women to guard their emotions and relationships since most affairs begin as emotional affairs long before they venture into sexual ones; but lately the Lord has been revealing to me a few reasons why it’s not silly or prudish to be ‘guarding’ my eyes as well as my heart.
Comparison. It’s like the gangrene of relationships. Seriously. When we see constantly take in sexy images it does begin to affect us, just not in the exact same way it affects our husbands. We grow used to seeing young men with muscles on muscles posing for cologne ads, or entwined with another character in our favorite TV show or movie. We stop noticing all the sexy women in lingerie all over our favorite undergarments shop. We pay no mind, other than minor irritation, to the billboard for a “gentlemen’s club”. We stop even noticing that it’s right in front of us. Our conscious mind grows immune to it, but at the same time our brain is filing those images away and comparison can begin to sneak into our thoughts before we even realize it.
We can begin to compare both ourselves and our sweet husbands to the images that are constantly in our faces. I really think it’s not a far stretch to say that it might even begin to steal away from our sexual experiences with our husbands, let me explain what I mean … I’ll use myself as an example.
So for the longest time I didn’t bother to look away during intimate scenes in movies or on TV (I say intimate because we don’t really watch movies that have ‘sex’ scenes), I would watch the commercials or walk by the ads seeing them without paying much attention. Not out of any desire to look at sexy things but mostly just because I didn’t see any reason to bother, after all, I’m a girl. I don’t have to worry about stuff like that. But is that really true?
After all when I flip through a Victoria’s Secret catalogue, sure I’m mostly looking at the bras, panties, and lingerie. But it’s not like you can ignore that those women are gorgeous, made up and airbrushed to perfection. They have perfect butts with no cellulite in sight. And how do they make those sexy faces? Then later when I am in an intimate situation (did you see how delicately I put that? My friends will be so proud!) with my husband I might have a flash of that girl’s perfectly smooth backside and get the undeniable urge to cover up in a hurry. And just like that we both were stolen from. Because in my bedroom with my husband there should be nothing telling me that I need to cover up. Because in his room with his wife, my husband deserves to have an uninhibited wife who is free.
Now please hear my heart. I am not saying Victoria’s Secret is from the devil or that it’s a sin to shop from their catalogue. I’m just using it as an example of something that has actually happened to me. I still shop there; I am just a little more careful about how I do it. I used to pour over the catalogue and the pictures in the store. I love beauty and there is no denying there is a lot of feminine beauty around there!
Here’s the other way that comparison tries to steal from us. When we watch a romantic comedy and Matthew McConaughey jogs down the beach shirtless (again!), if we allow our eyes to linger on him we could be sinning against our husbands. Ouch. I debated over using that word, but I really feel it’s true. No, we may never sexually fantasize over that image or have it affect us in any sexual way since we generally aren’t wired that way, but if we consistently allow images like that in our heads, eventually comparison will creep in and it will sow dissatisfaction with our husbands.
So I don’t get all legalistic about it but I do try to pay more attention to where my eyes are resting. It’s kind of a pain sometimes because we have a tendency to go into auto-pilot through life sometimes and guarding your eyes takes a conscious effort. But since I have begun to be a little more careful there have been fewer instances where I feel self conscious when I’m with my husband and as a result our sex life is growing and flourishing! And that’s hot! 
Good job with a delicate subject Melissa. Spot on!
Melissa, this is great! Just as Jan said, "Spot on!" I love how you're willing to go there and be real and write the truth. You're such a courageous writer.
Great article and so true. As a fairly new mom, I struggle with being self conscious about my body because it just doesn't compare with "the perfect" women out there, but as you reminded me they are air brushed. And, I had never really thought about guarding my eyes from the little things, but I should. Keep up the good work.
Great reminder! I love the part about being stolen from. I haven't thought of it that way but have experienced it and I think those words will stick with me and I will have to choose freedom instead of having this area tainted, less than or robbed. Thank you!!!
I love you and your heart that just wants to be real! Nothing religious about you. Just a real girl who really loves Jesus! Love you!
Very nicely put…and that's all I'm gonna say 'bout that!
love ya
I LOVE reading your blogs. It was spot on! Great job my friend!! =)
Awesome….so so true!
Melissa, I absolutely loved this one! You brought out a subject that is close to my heart and rocked it! I loved your take on comparison. And that last line was so hilarious and just at the right moment that I actually heard you saying it and almost spit my drink out from laughing!! You are hot girl!!!
So true girl! Great job!
Thank you Melissa. This is great even for the single ladies to read and begin to walk in before we are married so that is does NOT become round and round issue in our future relationships and marriages. So THANK YOU for this beautiful insight : )
Melissa,
I love this! You are right–sex in marriage can and should be hot, but that has more to do with our thinking than our cellulite (or any other imperfection). As always, I love your transparency. Great post.
Great post! Definitely something to keep in mind. I know my husband struggles a lot with the sexual world around him, but I forget that it can affect me too.
Melissa~ Well put girl! It's true, our mind is a powerful tool in our marriage. Just like we must guard our heart, whatever we put in our mind will eventually come out, so we must guard our mind too! =)
We are proud Melissa!!!!
I would venture to say that this hits all of us on some level at some point – even those who would never acknowledge it! Thanks for bringing it to light and being careful not to sugar coat it!
Truth sets us free!!!
Great post, Melissa! This reminded me of something that happened very early in my own marriage. My husband and I love the same genres of t.v. shows. They are generally pretty clean from a sexual standpoint, but there was one in which the featured male character was super-handsome and EXTREMELY ROMANTIC. There must have been a whole team of female script writers behind the scenes creating the most perfect man ever.
WOW!!! I love your delicate way of keeping even the most exposing somewhat modestly veiled with such beautiful words! Thank you for lighting the candle in the dim room where this subject usually rests its comfortable head…no longer slumbering but now wide awake we cannot help but be aware of the way we are protecting and preserving the atmosphere of our bedroom :0)
Very well said Sweet Beauty!
Shells
Love it!