My Journey To Love
posted on February 17th, 2010 / by Shelly Clonts / 17 CommentsMy journey began with my conception: life, the first breath of hope given to me by my Heavenly Father. The first seed of love was planted within my spirit, surrounded by my soul, and encompassed by the flesh that I am identified by as: Shelly.
To look at my face or hear my voice you may just see an ordinary, all-American girl. But if you look a little deeper and listen a little closer, you’ll hopefully catch the portrait of my Heavenly Father’s love that overshadows the deep scars of choices that I have made for myself and those that I had no control over. It’s true that I am the eldest of two girls born to two very young, hurting, wounded, and toxic people, at best. Being a pastor’s kid, the natural assumption would be that I grew up in a safe and loving environment, but this was only the case on the outside. I suffered for many years at the hands of family members, learning to endure severe sexual abuse of all kinds and emotional torture as I was taught to hide the truth. Love and acceptance were always in huge supply as long as I met the requirements and followed the rules to the letter, but never, to my knowledge, offered without conditions even to this day.
When I was 23 and graduated from Bible College, I met my Knight on our campus. We shortly grew in love on a mission’s trip to Scotland…castle and all!  Fast-forward five and a half years, we had moved from Dallas, Texas to Arizona to be close to the Clonts family, and with the birth of our fourth child I began to have surfacing memories. My answer was to run and live in denial, and I made the devastating choice to have an affair. But through God’s powerful seed of love, my precious husband’s passion to display God’s love to me, and the incredible ministry at our current church here in Frisco, Texas, I am here to declare that God’s love is deeper, wider, stronger, and more powerful than anyone or anything! I made an adult decision to invite Jesus to share life with me and to be baptized and receive my new name!
Through an incredible recovery program at our church, I am over twenty months free of the chains that had me bound and am currently leading worship! I love living life with my little nation of warriors and warrioresses, and my marriage continues to grow and strengthen each day. I stay free by submerging myself into the Word of God, surrounding myself with non-toxic relationships that I lovingly call my family of choice, and leading myself through Bible studies and monthly books with the WILD Women of our church! I can honestly say that the greatest key of freedom is the honesty and transparency that I daily experience with the Lord Jesus and my husband, Jason.
We have been married for nearly nine and a half years, and it has only been in the past eighteen months that we are learning what healthy boundaries and non-toxic relationships look like. I have chosen to forgive those who have abused me, just as I have been forgiven of the incredible sin I’ve committed. But this doesn’t mean that I live life with these people. I choose to give God the freedom to do the healing He desires, with me out of the way, and allow true love to flourish.
I’ve been on many sides of love. True love is just this: God’s heart beating through us so that the one we are connecting with is able to obtain a small, tangible part of Who God is for them! Love truly has very little to do with us and has everything to do with Jesus. The most intimate way, in my opinion, of serving others and becoming a servant leader is to place others first, so that they may be in the position to receive the purest form of love from God; by serving and loving them the way they need, not the way I may think they need.
My definition of love is this: love believes the best even when the one you love cannot; desires the best even if that goes against all your personal desires; and sees the best even as your feelings tell you otherwise.
The seed of love that Jesus planted within me is growing more each day as I choose to walk in His footprints that lay before me and as I grow through all the challenges that I am going through. I am completely in love with Jesus, my first love, and I am completely in love with my Warrior, Jason! Both continue to walk with me on this journey I call life, and neither one has left my side. I am honored, blessed, and so very grateful to be living this life and journeying with faith, hope, and love!
May this journey I have traveled this far be a light to your path, and in a small way, bring hope to your heart!
Shelly is honored to be the wife of her mighty Warrior, Jason for nine years, Â mother of four precious little warriors, and one of the worship leaders her family of choice at Elevate Life Church in Frisco, Texas. She spends her time being lead into a deeper love relationship with Jesus through Bible study, leadership development books, and writing worship music. She enjoys family fun nights, cultivating their love language within their home, and drawing deeply from the healthy friendships God has given her with her “Besties”. The greatest key that she wears on her “tool belt” is willingness: being open to live life to the fullest … God’s way … loving living this life she’s been given!
Wow- thank you so much for sharing your amazing story with us. that was so brave and awesome! I know God is going to use this!
There are so many statements in that 2nd paragraph that are true in my life that I had to take a double-take on who wrote this post. Thank you for being so transparent and sharing this with all of us. The family of choice spoke right to my most hurtful spots in my heart.
Blessings!
Shelly, thank you for being transparent and sharing your intimate story with us. I am thankful to read how God used your husband to display His love to you! Beautiful!
Shelly, thank you for your bravery and transparency. Glory be to God who is able to work all things for good, though the journey may not be easy.
I pray your story will be an encouragement to those who are hiding crippling truths they so desperately need to be freed from because we know that shining light on the truth strips it of its power to shame us.
Shelly, How are you?? It has been so long!! It’s heather weimer(rivera)…..I can’t tell you how the transparency of your heart touches me!! I would love to reconnect I have thought about you so often!! I am on FB and here’s my email..riverafam1@yahoo.com. Hugs and Love girl your an amazing women after God’s heart!!!:0)
That was beautiful, Shelly. You’ve expressed your journey, your heart, and your love so descriptively that it can’t help but to minister. Thanks for sharing.
I really loved this and I thank you for how honest you were about your struggles. I’m sure it’s going to help so many people!
I appreciate your courage. Great post. Thanks you for sharing it with us.
Thank you my precious wife for sharing yours and ours journey. You honored our Heavenly Father with the love and grace upon our family.
I love my life with you (Shelly Clonts) and I wouldent change a thing. Love JJ
Wow…iam so blessed to have you as a daughter in law and friend. I can hang on every word you speak, God has blessed lyou with the ability to paint a picture with your words that glorify Him!!! I love you Shells and nothing can ever change that!! Thank you for being the wife and mother you are…I am truly blessed! I Love you, Mom…by choice!!!
Thank you for sharing raw and honest! This blog shows the healing heart of God and the amazing things he does in our lives even in the midst of travesty.
Hi you all from Spokane, Washington. What a marvelous testimony of love and RESTORATION for a special couple that we dearly love.
Someday Shelly….we hope to meet you and tell you some of the funniest stories you will ever hear about your warrior as we helped raise this kid in Spokane.
love…..uncle billy and aunt judy
BLESSINGS
IF YOU DID NOT GET OUR FIRST COMMENT…WE WILL TRY AGAIN.
LET US KNOW!
Shelly,
Real life … Real stories … of … a … REAL GOD!!!!! Your testimony is brave and courageous putting the enemy rightfully under your feet! You’ve meet with God and it oozes from your life … because where ever your words go … life happens!
Thank you for trusting us with your testimony and life story! We were honored to run it on DIB … I know hearts were touched!
with the Greatest LOVE!
~Ris
Oh, how the words of love and appreciation have warmed my heart! Thank you all for taking the time to read this part of my story, for hearing my heart, and allowing me to be so transparent. I am honored to have the opportunity to share, and I believe the Lord Jesus is sowing His seeds of love as each if us choose to willingly share His-story with others! May blessings and favor fill you and your households to overflowing
Living Life Elevated, Shells
Shelly~ Thank you for being so completely honest in this blog. Your story only goes to show that God can truly do anything!! To Him be all the glory! I know God will continue to use your life as a testimony to His amazing grace, redemption, and love! Bless you! Celeste B. =)
Shelly~thank you for sharing about the power of God and the reward of perseverance. I love women who will risk it all to help the rest of us to “get there”. Thank you for sharing with all of us at DIB~marsia