Madonna meets Knight in Shining Armor
posted on September 17th, 2012 / by Harmony Dust / 7 CommentsBeyond sex, what the sex industry sells is fantasy.
When I think back to my 19-year old self, in many ways, I was very naïve, yet I exhibited a pattern of behavior that I learned in the strip club that would have made most people think otherwise. I watched the older women and learned to move like them—to walk like them, laugh like them, dance like them—without giving much thought to why. All I knew was it worked because I went home with a wallet full of money.
Recently I was talking to somebody who suggested the role that the Jungian concept of archetypes plays in the sex industry. His theory was that the consumers are not relating to the women themselves but to the perception of who they want them to be based on the archetypes they emulate. The Madonna, the femme fatale, the school girl.
This concept really resonated with me as I have often thought about fantasy as being the projection of who we want someone to be rather than who they truly are. Fantasy drives the sex industry.
When I was in the industry, I was Monique. Monique was a persona I created that helped me to feel separate from what I did in the club. I created the persona based on what behaviors made the most money.
Monique was the product of consumer demand for a fantasy archetype. She was also a mask I hid behind. But the problem with spending so much of my time as “Monique” was that I began to lose myself in the fantasy of who other people wanted me to be. Nobody knew who I really was. Even I lost touch with my true self.
I have a friend who left porn a number of years ago. Because of how popular she was in the business, she still has quite a significant following…if you want to call it that. Every day, she gets emails and letters from men…proposing to her, pining after her, begging to “rescue” her, begging to be “rescued”. I have read several of the messages she receives and what strikes me is that although they are all different men from around the world, they sound very much the same. It’s as though these words are coming from one man.
It occurs to me that the reason for the similarity among them is that they aren’t writing to my friend, they are writing to the archetype. They are attracted to the particular “brand” of woman she projected while she was in the industry.
It makes me sad because I realize that the whole process is so disconnected from reality and none of it has anything to do with who she is. It is all about fantasy and who they want her to be.
Before I start throwing too many stones, I have to look at myself in the mirror. How often have I been the one with the fantasy, projecting my wants onto other people?
Have I projected my desire for a knight in shining armor archetype onto someone? Have I held people up to a “best friend forever” or “the mom I never had” archetype and in doing so, negated who they really are. Perhaps the times I have found myself disappointed with people not living up to my expectations has as much to do with them falling short of who I wanted them to be as anything else.
Fantasy says, “This is who I want you to be”. Intimacy says, “I want to know you and be known by you.”
I want to be in reality. I don’t want to relate to the people around me like they are characters in a play I am narrating. I want to know my friends and loved ones for who they are, not for who I want them to be. And I want to be known by them.
How about you?
* Originally published on iamatreasure.com blog, used with permission. You can find more fabulous writing from Harmony there as well as her amazing book, Scars and Stilettos, in their online store.
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The truth your story tells is central to so many. When you break it down we can only give what we know of ourself without the protection(s) we have acquired along the way – setting aside the fantasy & embracing intimacy. Thank you for this honesty.
What a great testimony to His faithfulness. How cool that God completely restores the broken and changes it for beauty! What an important lesson for us women to remember there are others who are wanting a good example. Let's set them up for success! Thanks for sharing!!! Rev, 12:11, to HIM be all the glory!
I was really struck by thispart: "Have I projected my desire for a knight in shining armor archetype onto someone? Have I held people up to a “best friend forever” or “the mom I never had” archetype and in doing so, negated who they really are. "
*negated who they really are*…. I thought on that for a while. I have so done this and it explains why those relationships failed. Or at the very least were full of strife. By trying to force people to be what i wanted and needed them to be instead of who they were I can see where I lost out on experiencing THEM. On the relationship I could have had with those people….
SO good! Thank you Harmony!
Thank you so much, Harmony. I LOVE truth. Healing is always in Truth and Truth is always in healing. It's a beautiful thing to allow God to reveal to you who you are, who He created you to be. Being at a place where you have no idea who you are without the masquerade is a great place to be, when open to your Creator to show you exactly who you are. BEAUTIFUL!!! What a gift you are!!!
Harmony Dust is a powerful advocate and she has demonstrated great strenght and courage in opening her heart to the public and sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ. She speaks of her friend who receives letters and emails from men proposing to her, pining after her, begging to "come to her rescue as a Knight in Shining Armor." Harmony speaks of these attempts to reach out to her friend as if they seem to come from the same man. Any yet she knows that they do not. For God created each person with their own fingerprints, and no person will ever have the exact same fingerprints.
For God created each person with their own fingerprints, and no person will ever have the exact same fingerprints. Just as one can not judge a book by its cover, one can not truly know what is in a persons heart without truly getting to know a person's soul. How could that ever be accomplished by rushing to judgment and jumping to conclusions? How can Harmony conclude that those who reached out to her friend did so because they perceived her in the light of an archtype which she described? It is sterotypes that develop in our culture that drives wedges between people and which often deprive us from sometimes sharing God's love for each other because doors can be slammed without affording someone with an opportunity to be heard and a fair hearing.
So, all we have in the hear in now is our love for each other, our willingness to forgive each other, our willingness to come to each others rescue if at all possible, and our unwillingness to stand by silent and passive in the face of injustice. When a "Knight in Shining Armor" archtype comes along, be they male or female, perhaps just listening to what that person has to say without turning a blind eye and a deaf ear would serve Christ in ways that just can not be seen on the surface. Let us ask ourselves the WWJD question. What would Jesus Do?