I don’t want to be a Martha. I want to be a Mary.
posted on July 24th, 2009 / by Tirzah Warwick / 16 CommentsI hear the baby stirring. It’s early and dawn is fast approaching. Groggy with sleep, I stumble out of bed to go and get him. I change him and then I bring him back to my bed to nurse him. We lie there quietly for an hour or so before my older two wake up. They are raring to go and ready to celebrate the wonder of a brand new day. I often wonder how they are so full of energy as soon as they wake up. I can’t remember ever being that way.
Thus, my day begins …
There are beds to be made. There are meals and snacks to prepare throughout the day. There’s always laundry and the folding and putting away of laundry. That and the picking up of all sorts of things … a sock here, a transformer there … never seem to end. There are bathrooms to be cleaned and floors to be swept, mopped and vacuumed. There’s always dusting. There are pets to be looked after … a kitty’s litter box and a bird’s cage to clean and a dog to pick up after and to take on walks. There are bills to be paid. There’s ballet, swim, tennis and T-ball lessons to go to. There’s my baby to nurse and I use these times in my day to sit and relax. There’s homeschooling to be done. That, in itself, is a full time job. There are playgrounds to take the children to, play dates to go to and grocery shopping to be done. There are dirty but cute little bodies to wash at the end of each day. Rooms to be picked up. Children to read to. There are needs to anticipate before they even arise. All of this takes a lot of planning. Personally, I can’t seem to rest until things are in order and everything is running efficiently.
There’s my children to love, nurture and create a loving, safe, secure and fun environment for. There’s children to train ~ another full time job. Training them is indeed a verb ~ a very active, time-consuming, heart and mind absorbing verb! To train means to develop or form the habits, thoughts, or behavior of (a child or other person) by discipline and instruction. Training a child is a work all in itself. There are hearts to be shepherded. There are manners to be taught and hygiene habits to be learned. The list goes on and it is no easy feat. It is not a simple and quick job for the lazy but a job that takes a life-time of intense dedication.
What I am describing is nothing new under the sun. I am not alone in this experience. This is simply the life of a mother. It is the most fulfilling job yet the most challenging. It brings so much joy and pride on one hand while bringing self-doubt and frustration on the other.
Sometimes I find myself getting flustered and frustrated with all that needs to be done in not enough hours in the day. One moment serving my family fills my heart to the capacity with joy. It is my greatest honor to love them and serve them to the best of my ability. But the next moment … well … let’s just say I don’t always do a good job in the attitude department of multi-tasking as a mother. Actually it’s more often than not that I get frustrated and lose my peace that I savor and try to maintain at all costs. Sometimes I really mess up. When this happens I tend to beat myself up pretty good. I think it’s much easier to forgive others than it is to forgive ourselves. I want to be the perfect Proverbs 31 wife and mom but many times I get caught up trying to do everything without His help and, really, I cannot do a thing successfully apart from Him. I cannot do it without His love, His guidance, His wisdom, His peace, His forgiveness & His wonderful, wonderful grace that I don’t know if I’ll ever fully comprehend. I need Him like I need the air I breathe if I am to be the type of mommy I envision for myself.
When I am struggling with the feelings of self-doubt at the daunting task ahead of us of raising our children successfully or feelings of failure when I mess up I decide to make a conscious effort to go against my feelings and to let go of the fight with myself even though I feel like I thoroughly deserve the mental beating. I decide to just let go and rest in Him. Trust Him. I decide to receive His grace ~ His unmerited favor that I certainly do not deserve.
I remind myself to stop the frustration rising in me when I start to feel overwhelmed with the busyness of life. I think upon the scripture to do all I can to live a peaceful life. I remind myself to absorb the moment, to be absolutely present and really listen to the heart of those precious people in my life. I remind myself what life is about and that my children will not necessarily remember a spotless, dust-free home but they will remember a home filled with love, kindness and peace. I don’t want to be like Martha in the Bible who was so busy she missed out on what was really happening in people’s hearts. I want to be like Mary who absorbed the moment and put her relationships first.
I don’t want the sometimes mundane routine of running a home to capture my mind causing me to miss out on being whole heartedly loving and present to the people that God’s placed in my life.
I will be leaving a legacy. Hopefully it is a legacy similar to Mary’s.
Well said!
I was thinking of you yesterday and thinking of how busy you are with your lovely family. I know I am very busy with Mary and my day flies by so fast. I think of gals with 3 or more kids and how busy they must be. My grandma had nine children, the first 8 she had in 12 years and she ran a home without all the modern conviences and grew their own food. She said the hardest was the first 4 and then the older ones began to help the younger ones. I realized that her life made her very dependent on her family and neighbors. Their great work load required help from all the community in order to survive. People were the most important things in life and the Lord was first. I know the Lord and people are very important to you and admire your dedication to both. You are in my thoughts and prayers often. Love, Elena
Well written! I often say, they don’t remember how clean the house was (which mine is not) but they remember the times you spent with them. No agenda, just hanging out together. Puzzles, Uno, making a pizza or smores- whatever. They just love our undivided attention- which in this crazy life is hard sometimes! Good blog! :}
Tirzah, my kids are older now and not as needy, and I still struggle with the daily to do list sometimes. You nailed it when you talked about trying to do everything without His help–with His help we are in the present, focused on people instead of doing it all right. Your thoughts are a confirmation of what He was speaking to me this morning…thanks!
That is a beautiful revelation of your heart! Thank you for sharing how being super mom takes prayer, faith, determination, & living for a calling greater than your own life!! There are so many who won’t give of themselves enough to sow all that you obviously give into your children’s lives! So, I agree that what they will remember is our hearts & how we were Mary in their lives, but all the Martha is not to go unnoticed!! I admire you for all you do & doing it as unto the Lord!!!!
What I love about the story of Mary and Martha is that the Lord didn’t discredit the efforts that Martha was making for his behalf….serving dinner to the Son of God would be distracting to most of us! He doesn’t criticize her for being distracted and running around. But instead the Lord redirects Martha to “the one thing” that is needful, and then defines that one thing as “the good part”, something that “shall not be taken from her (Mary)”. That one thing being the Lord, His words, His mercy, His love.
If we fill our days with positive activities and completed To Do lists, but fail to meet our Father in prayer, study of the Savior’s words and commune with the Spirit, we will miss the good part that cannot be taken from us.
“My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch on fire or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one cares. Why should you?”
-Erma Bombeck
I thought this quote was hilarious! I am not a great housekeeper, which I had to come to grips with years ago! (For example, it took me 4 hours to clean my shower the first time I did it!!!) But, on the other hand, I love a clean house! So I pay a lady $65 every 2 weeks to come out and clean my house from top to bottom! Well worth every cent!! The stress and mental beating that I save myself so frees me up to enjoy my children and my husband when he comes home! Even when we were on a very tight budget, I sold some Mary Kay just to pay for my housekeeper!! I LOVE my housekeeper and I am so thankful God has blessed me with her! I hope others will be encouraged to find a good housekeeper to free up some time and stress!
Girl … you know I’ve been there … I have often shared the same struggle and revelation:) I love your heart and how you are very purposeful in so much that you do … the Lord is really talking to me about being purposeful. To sometimes purposefully choose to steal moments away with my children when their hearts are most receptive and other moments to purposefully organize the madness to create peace … being lead by the Spirit is usually the knowing which moment I’m in. It’s an adventure for sure! I love you and your heart! So blessed by your friendship … what a gift!
Great Love!,
~Ris
I can’t think of anything else that needs to be said except AMEN!
Tirzah, I remember those days with small children. None of us are perfect, because of this we tend to look at our short comings and feel guilty. God, on the other hand, has promised new mercies every morning. Therefore we can take our failures to the foot of the cross and move on. The quicker we are able to do that, the sooner we can enjoy the life that God has blessed us with. I love your article. It really shows what a dedicated mother and wife you are. In the midst of your busy schedule, do something random and fun. You will all enjoy the experience. God bless you and your family. I know He already has;-)
Choosing relationship over tasks is a constant struggle for me but I never regret when I chose wisely. Thanks for the sincerity of your blog. I loved it.
I can’t believe I somehow missed this blog entry…I must have had a crazy 2 days when this was posted on the home page. This blog brought peace to me because I can sit and remember those days now because life is not that crazy for me any longer. Although 4 kids call me Mom, only my 2 biological live with us…and they are the oldest 2 of the bunch. At 14 and 13, my days of running ragged are behind me. Although I home school, it’s such a different job now that they are in the older grades. There is so much that they do on their own throughout the day. I’m here more as an overseer now…helping to guide and direct and still teach what’s important but not needed to help bathe or brush teeth or clean their room. Reading your blog actually made me tired because it’s been years since I’ve had a day that chaotically busy from morning to night…they are busy, but in different ways now. My prayers of energy and encouragement are with you, Tirzah! Enjoy these days, even the hectically busy parts…all stages of our children’s lives are like bits of treasure deposited in our hearts.
What a precious reminder! I want to be a Mary too
And I can not do anything without remembering to trust in HIM every step of the day…thank you so much for being obedient to His call
Oh…I wish I could send you my song about Mary & Martha…Let me know the best way to do that. It’s not on my bursting with song website. I can email it to you if you’d like.
Hi Lisa,
I visited your Myspace link and listened to several of your songs. They’re great! I’d love to hear your Mary & Martha song. Yes, please email it to me. My address is tirzah_zim@yahoo.com. Hopefully you’ll get this somehow ’cause I’d really like to hear the song.
-Tirzah