Fear and Freedom
posted on November 18th, 2009 / by Amy Pennington / 19 CommentsFor as long as I can remember I have been absolutely paralyzed by fear regarding sickness. Sounds pretty ridiculous, I know, for a mom to be petrified by the slightest hint of illness. Even as I write this, my family’s safe and illness free haven has been attacked with a tummy bug. It’s my own personal kryptonite.
Last weekend I was away from home on a business trip and I brought my family along for moral support. We decided to keep costs down so we stayed with a church family.
Now I have to tell y’all that I am not a good traveler either. I tend to worry about where I am staying and if people have been sick in that home or hotel. I know so much worry I just need to be freed from it all. Anyway, we stayed the night with this awesome family and their sweet boy happened to get a tummy ache and got sick while I was working. I decided to take matters into my own hands and booked a hotel room for the remaining night. Disaster averted? Right? So as I am calling my husband and telling him that we will be staying in a hotel when this uncontrollable fear settles in my mind and heart; a fear that I know comes from no where good. It was a constant stream of lies from the enemy playing on that fear of sickness.
You see, as long as I can remember getting sick to my stomach has been the biggest fear in my life. As a child I was diagnosed with an auto-immune disease, Type 1 Diabetes, and the doctors told me I could not fight anything off; that I had to stay as far away from sickness as possible or else I would end up in the hospital. I never ever wanted that to happen so the slightest sign of sickness and I bolt. My heart starts pounding and I immediately curl up in a ball and start rocking in the corner (drama I know). Pretty awesome that as a mom when you are needed most you are paralyzed in the corner by fear and not motivated by perfect love to take care of your sick princess. A lot of mommy guilt has been packed on through the years because I do not react the right way in the heat of sickness.
So back to last weekend, I am trying my hardest to control my world by getting a hotel and praying a whole bunch that this “plague wouldn’t come upon our home”. Driving in my car I felt a verse come to my mind. James 4:7-8 “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you”. Immediately I turned on some praise n worship music and spent some time worshipping God. I sang and cried and poured out all I had at the Savior’s feet. Within seconds I heard ”Stop listening to the little enemy yelling through a megaphone and start listening closer to the whisper in your other ear.” This was such a huge ah-ha moment for me and I immediately pulled over and just thanked God for His presence in my life. He really calmed me down and helped me refocus my thoughts. My heart was so full of gratitude that He had time for my fear.
You know it really seems so simple and yet it can be so difficult with so many distractions. As moms don’t we tend to listen and react on the really loud sounds? I mean our little ones don’t get our attention by softly saying “Mom, brother just hit me over the head with a transformer”.
This morning as I woke to a sick child my heart was again tormented. I mean there is one prayer I never go to bed without saying and that is please keep the sickness away from our home. So in my mind I instantly hear a lie that “God has forgotten about your prayer. Looky there… you are all alone with your fear and no one will rescue you.” Those are all lies and I do recognize that, but for a moment it is so sad how I believe them and how they affect my whole day. This morning I turned to prayer and really ran into my Father’s arms for refuge. I believe with all my heart that I will be delivered from this fear of mine. It has been a huge piece of luggage in my life for way too long and it’s time to check it and have it never returned to me.
I want so badly to train my ears and heart to hear the sound of the one who is for me, the one that will never leave me or forsake me, the voice of truth, and the one that has overcome it all. There is something so refreshing about pressing in with worship and how He meets you where you are with soft and sweet words that comfort a fearful mind and heart.
If you are struggling with any kind of fear today whether it is finances, illness, insecurity, etc … I want to encourage you to ask God to show you the root of your fear and then a verse in the Bible that you can stand on every time fear shows up to ruin your day and steal your joy. For me, my answer was found in 1 John 4:18 “… but perfect love casts out fear” and I am believing for a complete deliverance from this fear.
Amy is a God lovin’, husband kissin’, daughter huggin’, picture takin’, blog hoppin’, praise n worship singin’, scrapbookin’, internet surfin’, fun makin’, starbucks drinkin’, radio tunin’, friend seekin’, karaokin’ fool!
Psalm 91: 9-14
9 If you make the Most High your dwelling—
even the LORD, who is my refuge-
10 then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14 “Because he loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
I find comfort and strength in this passage. I try to keep the perspective that God has saved me and made me His. No matter what comes my way, that will never change.
Great post. You have made great strides over the past year. I’m excited to see where God takes you from here.
i hope your testimony will help others out there that are fearful…i love u, daughter and i am so proud of you for writing this article and for the desire to face your fears head-on with the God of all creation as your helper and comforter…
Amy loved hearing your heart and WOW go God! Good for you for checking that baggage (very cool perspective and visual) and standing for TOTAL freedom! So true that often as a mom the loudest wins. Thank you for the reminder of seek Christ truth and standing on his word. Go girl!!!
I’m believing with you, girl. It’s amazing all that God is doing in your life. Oh, how He loves you! Thanks for sharing your heart.
Well done, my dear friend and sister in Christ. God loves each one of us perfectly and knows what we NEED (not WANT) to refine us and help us come unto His SON. Part of the refining is a growing understanding of how He works in our lives on a daily basis. I can tell His light is filling your life!
Oh Amy, that was such a good read and spoke volumes to my heart. As the mom of a Type 1 Diabetic I truely understand that fear. We were just there this past Sunday. However, I know our God is much bigger than this fear and He can and will deliver you from it. We are going to pray and claim it!!! Thanks for sharing.
Amy, your words have touched my heart deeply. Having been diagnosed and struggling daily with an autoimmune illness myself, I completely relate to the paralyzing fear of illness. Your reminder to look to the ONE who “casts out fear” was very timely for me today. Thank you for sharing your heart…I have been blessed.
I can really relate, thank you for sharing this! God Bless You and Yours!
Thanks for being transparent about your journey. As you check that baggage again and again you will be free and rest in father’s peace. My favorite song when fear comes knocking is “Take the Shackles off my feet so I can dance”. Sing it loud amy and start dancing.
Something that has transformed my life is the simple phrase “fear is the opposite of faith”. If you have fear you cannot have faith-they do not intwine together. So when you are giving into fear you are giving into satan. what does he have when you are buying into fear-you. If I notice any kind of fear creep in I proclaim out loud “theres no fear here!” over and over until it penetrates any lies the enemy is trying to throw at me. Also, listening to sermons on fear vs faith helps a ton.
Great post-God Bless You!
Very insightful and very relavant!
I myself can relate to many things that you have written here
the fears that we have sometime over whelm us and we know
that we have the Faith to endure them but that little bit of
fear sneeks in an tries to do the damage, Keeping our Faith
Strong reading our Scriptures and praying that we can get though
all the rough times, and the severe anxiety of situations. Liz has said
it all that you can’t have both in the same place.. and we sure don’t
want Satan in…
thanks for letting me read about your Journey, walking the right path
and following our Lord and Savior will get you through all the trials that
will be there.. we all need to keep our Faith Stronger then ever now
in these days. of mayhem… Just know you are an awesome Mom, and
wife.. such a beautiful family you have. They too will keep you strong.
HUGS…May the Lord bestow many Blessings to you and your family.
that was awesome Amy. I totally understand your fear.
That was so awesome Amy! You share your heart so beautifully and genuinely. I pray that God will reveal Himself to you everyday and would always confirm to you that He will protect you and your family from harm. I know you have grown so much and it is so neat to see the journey He is taking you on. Thanks again for sharing, you are so beautiful on the inside and out!!! Love you girl!
I am so blessed that the Lord allowed our paths to cross! You are such a sweet blessing to me. I LOVE to watch you grow stronger and stronger in the Lord. I know you will find complete freedom and the Lord will then allow you to help others find it as well! Thanks for giving your all in this blog and being so completely real.
I Love you bunches!
~Ris
Amy,
I love your desire to follow Him with all of your heart. Your life is an amazing testimony to His love and grace.
One of my favorite scriptures is
The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him; and He will deliver them. Psalm 34:7
Love you sweet friend!
Amy- thank you for sharing your heart. Your honesty is refreshing. We all fears- it’s a good reminder to fully submit those fears to Him- for He is faithful and wants us to be free in Him. Thank you!
Amy, that is my favorite verse too! I have seen how the more I get to know God as I press my ear tightly to His chest my heart beat falls in sync with His and His patient love washes all of my fears away. Thank you for sharing with us!!
Amy,
Thanks for your transparency. I have dealt with unrealistic fears and recently asked Papa what the root is and He is lovingly showing me and helping me BREAK FREE!! The analogy He gave me that I love is how in a baseball game the other team members go to ridiculous measures to distract the pitcher. He will either ignore them and deliver an amazing throw or crumble under the lies they obnoxously offer. I plan to keep my eye on the target and ignore the jeers from the dugout!! Amen!!