Over the past few months, I’ve felt that suffering has been a bit of a running theme in life. In November we flew over to the UK to be with my husband’s family as we mourned the loss of his brother’s life. The suffering of the family made my heart hurt. Death hurts those who are left behind. The months leading up to that, had been filled with pain in my abdomen due to a c-section and pain in my chest due to stress, and as 2009 closed, I thought a lot about sickness, disease, and dying. Yet I also thought a lot about life, healing, and hope. January was filled with doctor appointments, and February started with our beautiful Sabine, the family dog, being struck suddenly and quickly with a sickness that paralyzed her and led to her passing away. As much as her death hurt, it hurt me more to see her suffer. Then the month of March hit with a bang as one difficult thing after another has hit our family, and it has been topped off with a gloomy prognosis regarding Zoya (our one year Husky) and things that she could possibly suffer throughout the rest of her life. As I stood in the vet’s office, looking at our beautiful representation of the creativity and awesomeness of our God, all I could think was that our happy, lively pup is not going to suffer the rest of her life. I refuse that; I refuse to let her suffer.

Later that night as our minds and hearts were heavy, we decided to rent the movie “Precious”. Why we chose that one I’m not really sure as it’s not something we would typically watch. Nor was it exactly great timing. Yet that night as we sat and hurt throughout the two hour film and watched as it showed the hateful, selfish things that people do to those they supposedly love, I could feel the pain and anguish that Precious was feeling. I could understand why she and why so many in this world ask the question “why me?” The movie made my heart hurt and it made everything inside of me ache for those who are so desperate for love and yet search for it in all the wrong places. It made me angry that so many people suffer in this life; many of which suffer at the hands of those who are also suffering. (Side note: Please know that I’m not endorsing this movie as it has terrible language and some violent, abusive scenes. Be warned if you choose to watch it and know that it is not appropriate for young, innocent eyes to watch.)

And somewhere in the midst of all that has been happening lately, I had a flashback to when I was 23 and on a mission’s trip to India. I have many poignant memories of scenes of suffering from that trip. But one memory that stays with me constantly is the scene of a young, tiny golden Labrador puppy crossing the busy, dirt intersection of a town in India. When I saw him trying to avoid all the traffic, all I could think was please, can I take him home? He is doomed to a life of starvation, disease, and loneliness – if he survives the streets long enough to even grow up. That thought though didn’t just apply to puppies, it applied to the street children of India, and they were everywhere we looked. I could have taken all of them home with me in hopes of giving them more than they’ll ever get there. That trip presented the one question that has now haunted me for 9 years – why was I born here and they were born there? Why am I born into a life of comfort, love, and blessing, and they’re born into poverty, suffering, and sickness? It doesn’t seem fair.

As I’ve learned over the past few months, there’s a lot in this life that doesn’t seem fair.

However, as I’ve struggled with these questions, and as I’ve poured out my heart to God and have told Him how I hate seeing suffering, how death hurts so much, and how I want to love those who have never been given any love, encourage those who never get encouraged, and just help someone to have a little bit less suffering, a few answers have been given to me.

First, life is short. Enjoy the time that you have and LOVE those in your life. Since my brother-in-law’s funeral (which happened to be on Thanksgiving Day), I have made sure that I take a few minutes every day to just love on my eight month old handsome little boy. I make sure to take a minute to give Zoya an extra belly rub or to thrown the tennis ball one more time. And as tired as I might be or as cranky as I feel after a long day, I’ve tried to be more pleasant to my husband, to make sure that he has a good dinner, to not gripe about hanging out all of his shirts to dry, to not complain that Zoya has tracked in mud for the 20th time that day, and to watch what I say so that it’s uplifting and encouraging. I remind myself that he works long hours too, and he needs a loving wife to come home to. I haven’t totally succeeded at all of these, but I’m mindful of them. I’m headed in the right direction.

Second, be grateful for what we have. We have so much more than most of the world. Why would I ever complain about the size of my house, that I don’t have exactly what I want, that I can’t afford a coffee today, or that my clothes are five years out of style?? There’s no room for all that. I’m clothed, warm, and my belly is full. My family is healthy and loved, and so far, I have lived a wonderful 32 years on this earth. Not only that, but my future is secure in that I will be spending eternity with my God. If that’s all that I ever have, that is so much more than enough. I am thankful for that.

And lastly, if I truly desire to love the unlovable, to help those in need, to encourage the brokenhearted, and if I pray and watch for those opportunities, they will present themselves. I just have to respond when they come. More than that though, I can pray and ask for those opportunities. I can seek them out, and to be truthful, in my heart, I know that God has been waiting for me to ask Him for those people, those times when I can give a glass of cold water, speak a loving word, tell someone how beautiful she looks today. He’s not asking for a lot; He’s asking me to do what He did.

There’s a scripture that the Lord reminded me of when I returned home from my trip to India, and He has constantly reminded me of it again this year. It tells us why Jesus came to this earth, and it speaks to me of what He wants to continue do through us. It reminds me that I may not be able to comfort all those who are hurting in India, but I can certainly love and comfort those who are hurting in my area of the world. And I’m pretty sure that this is my year to heed the Word and to follow after the heart of my Savior.

The Lord’s Spirit has come to me, because he has chosen me to tell the good news to the poor. The Lord has sent me to announce freedom for prisoners, to give sight to the blind, to free everyone who suffers, and to say ‘This is the year the Lord has chosen.’

Luke 4:18-19 (CEV)

Micah is married to a loving Englishman and is the mom of a handsome 9 month old son. She also happens to be a busy, working mom who takes her baby to work. In her spare time, she loves to drink coffee, read, play outside, cook nice dinners for her husband, travel to places she’s never been, play with her dogs, and chat with friends and family. Micah has a heart for the nations of the world and dreams of being a missionary. And as a PK, she also desires to minister and love on other pastors’ kids. Micah loves the Lord with all her heart and looks forward to seeing her Savior’s face.

Micah Hayden