“Can we talk?” Those words were a common starting point in the comedy routines of Joan Rivers. Am I dating myself by using her as a reference? It’s not that I vividly remember watching any of her shows when I was growing up, but somehow, somewhere in my memory’s file-o-fax, this line is written down.
A couple weeks ago, as I was sitting on my backyard swing spending time with Jesus, a question very similar to this one was asked of me, but with a noticeable change…“Can we be real?”
These four words played themselves through my mind, over and over again, with the emphasis moving from word to word. It’s amazing how a question’s intent can change dramatically when the emphasis is shifted just one word. Hear the words in your head as you think about this…
• If I place the emphasis on the word ‘can’, I’m asking you not only if it’s possible for us to be real but also if it’s okay to go there.
• If the emphasis is shifted one word to the right to ‘we’, I’m asking if you are willing to be real along with me.
• Let’s keep moving down the question and emphasize the word ‘real’. Now I’m asking if you are comfortable with hearing my reality and if I can trust you with my heart because this conversation is moving past the superficial and into the trench holes of real life.
I thought about this question for a long time as I sat in silence listening to the sounds of the morning play out all around me. I wasn’t asked this question so that Jesus could toy with my mind and give me some deep thought to chew on for the remainder of the day. He asked me because He wanted to know if my heart – and my pride – were ready to stop living behind the “Oh, I’m doing just fine” Christian mask. And soon after, my husband would be faced with the very same question.
You see, at that very moment, life was anything but fine; but there were very few people who knew the ‘real’ truth. Our world was falling apart and had been for the past 6 months. My husband’s business had taken a beating beginning in January and now, 7 months later, we were facing our toughest financial crisis…our home was in foreclosure and no matter how many resumes Anthony put out, there wasn’t a bite to be had from a prospective employer.
For months Anthony and I prayed and talked at length about how much information we should share – with family, with friends, even with his large network of connections who could have been valuable resources for possible income opportunities.
Because he is self-employed and was believing that God was going to turn his business around, Anthony shied away from transparency with his network of friends fearing that that kind of news would drive away potential clients. And I didn’t share the true reality of our situation with my family and friends because I feared the questions and/or comments I believed would come my way…
“How come your husband didn’t start looking for a job as soon as business started to drop?”
“Do you think maybe this is a sign that it’s time for you to go back to work instead of home schooling your kids?”
Or the comment many a folk have thought when they’ve watched a family go through a situation like this one…
“Maybe it’s time he stopped looking for the perfect job and he just took A job.”
As minutes ticked away, Jesus began settling my heart on one thing: it was time to move out from under the self-imposed – or enemy-imposed – condemnation of financial struggle and start talking for real about where we were. Jesus told us that “in this world you will have trouble” [John 16:33], so why was I so ashamed that I was actually going through trouble? Jesus didn’t say that I may go through trouble, He said I will! Yet how often do we within the body of believers fall into hard times either physically, emotionally, spiritually or financially, but never reach out for help because we yearn to be just like the rest of our friends who are “doing just fine”?
We’ve bought into the lie that sharing what’s really going on is simply going to burden our friends or family who may not be able to help anyway; or that we’ll be looked upon as whining Christians who don’t know how to navigate the rough roads of life properly and just want to dump our problems onto someone else’s shoulders. Better yet, we walk in this pea-soup thickness of pride [and maybe a little bit of real experience?] that tells us to fear what man would say because if things aren’t going right then “we must be in some kind of sin”, or “we must not be spending enough time in prayer” or maybe “we just don’t know how to really listen for God’s voice”.
And then Jesus comes and whispers, “Can we be real?” and clarity begins to break through the clouds of confusion.
Just the day before, I had listened to my husband have a conversation with an influential friend in hopes of having him share his resume with businessmen he knew. Anthony had communicated to me his hopes for this conversation and the real connections it could possibly bring. Yet, when the conversation took place, instead of revealing the fact that he was in a really bad place financially [i.e. a looming foreclosure] and that time was of the essence, he painted a different picture that would have made this friend think that he was “possibly, maybe, someday in the future” looking to change gears.
I didn’t say anything at the time, but I was perplexed. Why – if this friend had so many possible connections to potential jobs – wouldn’t he be completely forthcoming and let him know exactly where we stood so that this friend would understand that this request was not a “someday-thing” but an actual “today” kind of thing?
After my Jesus whisper and subsequent settling of my heart, I went to my husband and shared with him my feelings about us hiding behind a false reality and the fact that I believed we were being called to be real – really real.
Do you know that the very next day Anthony blogged and twittered and had phone conversations about our real reality and that doors began opening up like crazy? He even received two immediate job offers via email [if he was willing to relocate]. As I write this, he is in the second-phase of interviewing with a company where Anthony knew the CEO could be a source of networking opportunities and, just maybe, a job offer. This company is creating a position just for him and has written a job description that details everything Anthony has told me he would love to do if he could write his own ticket for the perfect job. How good is God?
You may be wondering if I’m going to wrap this story up with a nice, tidy ending. Well, maybe in another few weeks I might have that opportunity, but…Can I Be Real? The prospective job interview did not come in time for us to save our home, so we are in the process of a short-sale to avoid foreclosure. There’s another blog I could write about this development alone on “When God Speaks”, but I’ll just say that He told us to sell only a week ago and within three days of hearing His voice, we had an offer on the home; in fact, three offers by the end of that week!
Even with this news, we’re not out of the woods yet. If the bank does not approve the offers we’ve submitted, we could be asked to vacate our home in 11 days, and we have no idea where we’d go or how we’d pay for a new place.
But this I do know…when Jesus spoke the words in John 16:33, “in this world you will have trouble,” He wasn’t simply trying to heap discouragement on us. What He said before and after these words was His true message:
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
I have peace in knowing that Jesus never wanted us to hide from one another so that we’d feel compelled to give “just fine” as our standard answer or feel ashamed when we really couldn’t. He has overcome the world, and there’s no way anyone is going to know how He overcame in our small world if I first don’t share what there is to overcome. And in our situation – and probably like so many more out there – Jesus needs us to be real so that He can work through others to usher in His overcoming.
So, I pose this question to you in the same way Jesus did to me…without condemnation and dripping with grace…
“Can We Be Real?”
Being Real Update: It’s been a few weeks since I wrote this blog post and wanted to update y’all on where our situation has progressed since then. Praise God!!! Anthony got the job and just left a few minutes ago to complete his first full week at his new company.
He loves where God has placed him and is so excited to get past orientation and ‘learning the company’ and into the real nitty-gritty of what he was hired to do.
Hmmm, okay…the house. Well, there is no neat and tidy bow to put on this one. Our mortgage company was some how not motivated to process our short sale, so our home was foreclosed just a couple days ago…Tuesday. It went up for auction but was not purchased. We don’t have an “eviction” date just yet, as were told that this whole process can take 30 or so days to get through the red tape, especially when you consider how many homes have to be processed the same way!
We do not doubt that we heard God tell us to sell because when the peace of that word settled on us, we truly let go of our home emotionally and set out minds to the fact that God has somewhere else for us to go…that our season here is over.
As I write this, we do not yet know where that “there” is. We’re thankful in hearing that we can assume another 30 days here because financially we’re still in a place that makes moving near impossible. I say near impossible because in my reality the finances don’t even make it possible to move in 30 days, but I live in God’s reality, and He can do anything.
We still may to have to seriously down-size and squeeze ourselves in an apartment just to get by for 6 months to a year [because moving in a rental home still double our moving expenses], but we’ll do what we need to as long as we know were walking smack-dab in the middle of God’s will. God’s will isn’t always comfortable, doesn’t guarantee you won’t hear your neighbors conversation through walls and doesn’t always provide a backyard and room for our trampoline, but it does bring something completely priceless…PEACE!
So, pray for God’s will to continue to be made known to us. We’ve run the numbers for the next 60 days and they don’t add up the way we need to them for what will be required, but God’s math isn’t always as neat as ours, so stand on the promise that He
“provides exceedingly and abundantly beyond all that we can ask for or hope.”
That promise may hold with it a “not yet” but we still stand on it.
Much Love to Y’all!
Babs
Thank you so much for being so real! You have no idea how similar our paths have been this year! We’ve never met but maybe we will someday! My husband owns his own business as well and things started heading south in January (a month before the birth of our 4th child) as well. Financially speaking it has been the most trying year of our marriage. We were very close to losing our home but thankfully are in the final process of a loan modification to hopefully help save it. I was the one that didn’t want anyone to know for fear of what others would think. My husband was gut level honest with our friends and families all along the way seeking their prayers and any opportunities they might be aware of. Because of that he has recently had the amazing opportunity to work with an amazing group of men and we feel like we are slowly seeing the light at the end of this very long dark tunnel! While he is still self-employed and we have no guarantees for our income right now God has proved himself faithful time and again. It is a day to day sometimes moment to moment journey of trusting but I know He will never leave us. Thanks again so much for sharing. While I hate it for you that you are having to walk this path it is encouraging to know we are not alone. Blessings to you!!
I applaud your transparency and humility in sharing this. We all have situations which we need to be “real” about but it’s not easy. All of those same questions run through your mind which are all ways which the enemy uses against us in so many ways.
Thank you for reminding us that relationships, humble hearts, and seeking His will are so important. Standing on the promises of God will bring you through the tough times.
Praying that the Lord’s perfect be done and that you walk in the peace which surpasses all understanding. Can’t wait to read the testimony! Bless you and your family.
Thank you so much for being so honest and sharing the heart the Father has given you. I forget all to often that we will go through hard times and it is NOTHING to be ashamed of
Oh wow, that was just so encouraging! So often we think that “we” are the only ones who are struggling.thanks for sharing!
Thank you so much for sharing!! I know some of the other readers have commented how similar they are to your story, but I feel your post was written at the perfect time for myself and my family. We have also been going through problems with banks wanting to take my husbands machines (as he does mining) and they even started legal precedings, which may lead into our personal belongings taken too, and our rent is over 4 months due, we are lucky to have understanding landlords, but we have one thing to be thankful for, our Heavenly Father is so faithful. Each time I start to get despondant, and feel like my faith could be drainging, God sends an angel, or a bible verse to remind me that He has not left us, and to get us to stay strong. That keeps me going. For example the other day my husband received an envelope that was dropped off at his office gate, and when he opened it, there was a large amount of money with a note saying “with God’s Richest Blessings…” And that was on a day when I was ready to pile over onto the floor in a heap and could quite easily have given up! God is SO good!!!
Thank you for your story, it fills me with joy in hearing how you are overcoming, and makes me realise that these trials are the beginning of a miracle that is about to happen.
Like a friend of mine told me, ‘when you are down to nothing, and feel like a miracle is what it takes, get excited, as God is about to transform your lives!’ Keep believing. A verse that really helped me again last night was 1 Peter 1:6,7. So wonderful to share with all you ladies, and keep strong! Thank you Babs!
I didn’t just appreciate your blog, or the addition to it. I SO appreciated your submitted heart that wrote it, because it was like a magnet for other submitted hearts. Look at what these ladies had to say!! They understand you. And you helped them to better understand the favor of being in God’s will, when they would be tempted to feel out of His favor by circumstances. This is REAL fellowship! Real hand holding. Real love. And REAL evidence that GOD IS GOOD.
And you are a reaaaaaaally gifted writer Hauntie.
Ladies,
I cannot tell you how my heart is soaring over your responses. Not because they are directed at me…not at all…but because so many of you have opened your hearts to sharing right back because something in my story resonates with you. THAT is community right there!!! I even had a precious lady contact me directly through Facebook about how she is familiar with my story and we’ve had an FB conversation already. I am blown away by how God works!!!
Please know that I will be praying for each and everyone of you. Although we may have never met – although it would be awesome if one day we could! – not being able to put a face to a name doesn’t matter…our stories and hearts are united, not in exact details, but in Jesus. How sweet is that?
Much Love!
~Babs
What a bold and honest post. I admire you for your “realness” and ability to be frank with your readers (and your husband!). Pride sucks! Pardon my french; but when we allow it to keep our mask tightened, we suffer the consequences of the sin of pride. I am so thankful your husband is on the road upward now! Praise God! You’re a good woman (and i can only tell by your writing…never even met you…but through the keyboard comes forth the heart– a quote by, well, me!)
I saw the title of this and I KNEW I would love it. My self motto has been “keeping it real”. I just can’t relate to anything else. Thank you for this post. I am excited for what God is doing, and yet my heart hurts with yours for what you are still going through, mainly because I have been there and I know that pain and uncertainty. Anyway, your writing has been such a blessing to all of us. oxoxxo
this post has definitely hit very close to home and tears are in the corners of my eyes. thank you for being transparent. i appreciate it so much.